Writer Warriors: Building Self

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‘Strokes of Desire’ by M. Gaspary

In a world where passion meets danger, love becomes a double-edged sword—irresistible yet perilous, a blessing and a curse. Clay, a brilliant surgeon, fell in love with Valon, an enigmatic painter. As the fire between them blazes hotter with every stolen moment, their affair pulls more hearts into the storm.

Valon’s younger sister, Agatha, a bold social media star with charm to burn, meets Clay’s fiancée, Liz, a dedicated social worker who’s as strong as she is compassionate. What begins as a chance meeting soon spirals into something far more dangerous. Caught between secrets and strokes of desire, they must decide how far they will go.

Then, here comes Alain. Clay’s sharp, dependable brother. The kind of man Liz can always count on at work. Always the professional, always the friend. But never more. That is, until one fateful night. His control slipped. He crossed a line he could never take back. A mistake he can’t mend and forgive.

M. Gaspary’s first installment of the Cult of Eros series introduces five lives intertwined in a complex web of passion, art, and deceit. Each character harbors haunting secrets that could either bind or tear them apart. As the collision of their hearts becomes inevitable, no one emerges unscathed.

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I Became My Own Therapist to Save Myself + FREE Downloads

Mecyll Gaspary — Sat, 07 Mar 2026 02:00:40 GMT

This Piscean ‘Blood Full Moon’ asks us to reflect on the harvest we receive, good and bad, depending on the actions we’ve taken in the last cycle.

Since this moon is in Virgo transit (the day when this message was received), it is time to self-introspect and be organized, making sure that we take our actions into account to ensure a better harvest in the next cycle. We list the good and bad things we’ve done, then celebrate the good results and evaluate the bad ones.

Because it’s ‘Blood Full Moon,’ it amplifies the energy of receiving abundance with passion as red defines bold action and passion, which signals the coming of Aries’ New Moon, which is the new beginning of a new cycle.

Since Aries is the commander of the zodiac, this masculine intensity has led me to having sleepless nights simply because of the harvest I receive from the Divine. And because it’s soul work, I’m aware that if I refuse to deliver this message with you, this sleeplessness will surely continue until I do the work.

So, here I am. 😂

If you ask me, what kind of harvest am I talking about?

I came from a family of farmers, so the word ‘harvest’ is important to us simply because it means an abundance. My maternal family has been growing rice for generations in Zamboanga, while my paternal family focuses on root crops, such as peanuts and sweet potatoes, in Bohol.

Whether good or bad, we understand that the output relies on the process done months ago. Even after harvest, there’s no time for dilly-dallying because the land must be set for the new planting season, while praying that the Heavens won’t shower us with storms.

So, it’s not surprising to grow up with a farmer’s mindset and apply these lessons to every facet of our lives, including relationships and career. As the Germans say, “mit den Hühnern aufstehen und zu Bett gehen,” which literally means “Farmers get up and go to bed with their chickens.”

I had to restudy parenting and had to re-parent myself in the same way I wished I’d experienced as a kid.

In other words, discipline and hard work are an inescapable way of life for us and will remain etched in our DNA, regardless of the choices we make today and in the future.

In our minds, when we’re able to care for the land and provide the nutrients it needs, we can guarantee an abundant harvest, which means we have enough sacks of rice to keep within the family, sell, and earn an income. If not, we couldn’t spare any sacks for family members who are supposed to have shares (e.g., from 2-3 sacks per family to 1 sack). At its worst, we have nothing.

As much as we love to complain, we couldn’t. Because how?

How can you point fingers when you’re up against luck and Mother Gaia? You can’t tell the rain to stop flooding your fields or the sun to shine way too brightly during summer. Right? You have no control over nature, so you have to adapt and compromise if you are to survive.

Anyway… 🤣

Spiritually speaking, a harvest could mean a lot of things, such as the abundance of ideas, projects, healing, movements, etc., or it could also be problems, dramas, anxieties, worries, etc., which are by-products of the series of actions you’ve made in the last 30 days (the lunar cycle).

Conscious, subconscious, and unconscious actions will always lead to good and bad results. This is because of the Law of Karma, or what others call the Law of Cause and Effect, which is universal, as we all know it. It’s Saturn’s strict law that can’t be bent, not even if we try to offer earthly treasures to try to change it.

“Even if you aren’t born under the Pisces zodiac sign or have strong Piscean placements in your natal charts, it doesn’t mean you can ignore this message.
The point is that all of us, including you, have suppressed dreams and daydreams, along with their artistic urges that have remained dormant within you all these years.
All of us have Pisces (or Neptune’s power somewhere in our system.”
—Excerpt from ‘Your Dreams Aren’t There Because God Was Bored. [Pisces New Moon]’

With this in mind, the Piscean Blood Moon asks us to finally face what we’ve been ignoring all this time: studying our strengths and weaknesses without judgment rather than allowing our egos to swallow us whole.

Why? Because Pisces is a 12th sign that rules the unconscious, imagination, dreams, fantasies, daydreams, and the abysmal thoughts and feelings—including those that we often consider wild, inappropriate, and out-of-character. Things we love to deny, shame, and keep hidden for the rest of our lives.

In short, this is the sign of a great ending. And ‘goodbyes’ have never tasted good. 💪

After Aquarius (ruled by Saturn, co-ruled by Uranus, the god of Karma and breakthroughs and discoveries, respectively), Neptune’s energy will draw us to bring these breakthroughs and turn them into dreams, and then these otherworldly discoveries will be manifested as realistic daydreams from the unseen.

By the way, what does this have to do with me becoming my own therapist to save myself?

If you’ve been following me for quite some time, you’ll know my story, how I ended up learning astrology, which led me to become the person I am right now.

If not, don’t fret! Here are a few resources you can look at to get a glimpse of what I went through and join the conversation:

Although my parents haven’t been working in the fields, they grew up in a household with these farmers’ values. And these same values, toxic or not, have been passed onto us, the next generation, in the guise of family tradition and cultural norms.

Having baby parents made it hard for me to understand how other families work and what healthy dynamics are like.

Carrying the heavy weight of trauma over my shoulders for a long time, I’m used to living under intense pressure to fulfill someone’s insecurities and embody the version of myself that feels acceptable. It is primarily because being part of a farmer’s family is less glamorous than being the daughter of an office clerk in a city.

There’s definitely no space for myself, my thoughts and feelings, let alone for deciding about my life, accepting and believing in my values and beliefs I’ve learned from personal experience as my own.

Self-respect? Boundaries? None.

“I tried to give my all to please her—making sure that I’m always at the top spot and showing exemplary perfection in whatever I do, although it took a great toll on my well-being. It was as if I had to pay the price just to make her feel proud of me.”
—Excerpt from my article ‘On Having an Emotionally Absent Mother & Finding Self-Healing’

On Becoming My Own Therapist

Only when I’ve taken the time to reflect on these things have I realized how much weight I’ve been carrying. Years ago, long before I met shadow work, I was ready to die, but God had a different plan in mind.

Surviving my last attempt, I had no idea how to start this healing, except by throwing a promise to the Heavens that I would try to live the next day. Even when I was going nowhere, the first thing that came to mind was revisiting my old Wattpad drafts, unfinished and left in the dust for almost 10 years.

Culmination of ‘Cult of Eros Series’

Despite having no clear direction, still high and drunk, I sat down with the intention of finishing a story, hoping that it would spark something I lost. Unbeknownst to me, this simple attempt to recover my magic would pave the way for my first 3-year project, which later became a published novel.

For years, I’ve been studying my astrological codes to understand my characters, in an attempt to learn more about their stories, only to find myself more deeply immersed than I thought I would be.

From my Sun sign down to my Planets, including which Houses they sit in, I swallowed the data like candies, thinking they would turn my characters into something more than just ideas, but rather full-fleshed, complex people.

However, through writing about their lives, I learned more about myself, both through my own lens and through others’, e.g., parental programming, family culture, social norms, etc.

For instance, Clay released my pent-up anger I couldn’t express in real life by saying how he felt about his mother.

“In his mind, if she genuinely believed in the power of miracles, he might have seen that power to change things out of sheer will to make the impossible possible long before he left…
After all, she was his mother. The source of his DNA. But deep down, he knew she was nowhere like him. Connected by an umbilical cord, but unmatched.”
—Clay Elizondo, Chapter 2, ‘Strokes of Desire #1’

Through Valon’s perspective, I was able to release the untold stories of how I truly felt about my family in written words; the best way for me to tell my side of the story without being interrupted.

“Though the warm touches and the rhythmic taps of the water were nice distractions, his mind recalled his life’s history, provoking suppressed resentment towards his loved ones.
He wondered if he could’ve simply ignored this promise and pretended none of it existed, maybe, he would’ve had a simpler life. Not like this. Alive but dead.”
—Valon De Lara, Chapter 1, ‘Strokes of Desire #1’

Upon releasing the gunky stuff, I allowed more space for better feelings and thoughts to come in, letting love, peace, and harmony flourish in my wounded system. Not an easy task.

Honestly, it was hard to write about their lives simply because they contain fragments of my life’s story. Throughout the process, I had to fight with my cringes, discomforts, tears, and periods of lashing out when I couldn’t handle it.

But I’m glad I did and overcame the troublesome journey because the book’s worth reading a thousand times. Currently rated as a 5-star book on Google Play 👏

Self-imposed CBT

While I’ve been objectively studying my life from their perspectives, I gave myself a self-imposed CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy), forcing myself to be exposed to situations similar to the trauma or events that trigger my shadows.

Repeated exposure has led me to develop the mantra, ‘Look around, look within,’ to simplify my direction towards positive, progressive healing. A lesson I learned from years of hermetic life and hundreds of kilometers of walking and spending hours talking to my Spirit Team and nature, which came with tough questions, such as:

How can you heal the world if you can’t even heal yourself? Hurt people hurt people.
How can you stop perpetuating evil in this world, given the harsh life you went through?
How can you make the world, your earthly home, a better place than it was when you arrived?

Look. I grew up in a solid Capricornian household, embracing Saturn’s heavy lessons throughout. Lessons like ‘No pain, no gain,’ or something in between the lines of ‘Hard work pays off’ and ‘Early bird always gets the worm’ were a kindergarten for me.

At age 8, I already began to ask myself about my existence, feeling like an alien in this world, and whether I was meant to be born into misery and hard work. Nothing else.

No fun. No play.

Even laughter was almost forbidden at home because my parents believed that if we’re too happy today, we’ll live the opposite tomorrow. So in their minds, it’s better to remain solemn to avoid losses. At least, if we’re used to living in a gloom, the next challenge won’t strike a deeper blow on us than having to swallow the pain after a fleeting celebration.

This is probably why we never take vacations. We never did solo travel and spend time as a family alone somewhere. Believe me or not. I’ve never visited my father’s hometown because he believes there’s nothing for us to see there. Come on. Bohol is a popular tourist destination. 😣

Over time, these questions grew into something wild and unexpected, leading to an existential crisis and a series of suicide ideations and attempts in later life. In my mind, I thought and truly believed that things would only change when I die.

At age 8, I already began to ask myself about my existence, feeling like an alien in this world, and whether I was meant to be born into misery and hard work.

Having no prior experience with true peace at home, it’s easier for me to berate myself and listen to my inner demons than to my inner child. Even if my inner child says, ‘It’s okay,’ the painful screams saying ‘I’m never good enough’ underneath my skull are more audible.

Because listening to complaints and dissatisfactions from others was more normal for me than positive notes and compliments, receiving rejections was more expected than otherwise. I’m used to imagining the worst of things rather than believing I deserve the blessings, you could say.

When my husband’s life was revealed to me completely in Germany, his relationship with his family created friction during the early years of our marriage because I thought it was odd, flooding my head with unanswerable questions, like:

How could he be irresponsible and rely on his mother like that when he’s already an adult (even if asking for her help was the last foreseeable option for us both at that time)?
How could his mother open doors for him when my mother can’t even provide a safe space for me?
How could she be that understanding and complacent when she should be acting or reacting to this situation differently?
How does a stable mother act healthily towards her children, even if she has no cash to give?
How could I feel discomfort when I’m supposed to feel happy about their relationship, in the first place?

For years, I’ve asked myself these questions without realizing I was seeing them through my distorted point of view. Having baby parents made it hard for me to understand how other families work and what healthy dynamics are like. I had to restudy parenting and had to re-parent myself in the same way I wished I’d experienced as a kid.

The same goes when I’m exhausted from working long hours as an adult. My husband would tell me, ‘Just relax. Don’t stress yourself too much.’

It seemed harmless, but it was enough to trigger me. Back then, such statements could cause discussions, without knowing I was the problem. As much as I wished to do it, I couldn’t, and when I couldn’t accept the fact that he was right, I lashed out and became passive-aggressive towards him.

Years forward, I’ve been reflecting on my mistakes out of unconsciousness and have found it hard to chill, even when I know I am dead-tired. Though I don’t lash out for no logical reason anymore, I still struggle to do nothing and appreciate the sacred pause.

Remember. It’s been years since I left my home. Yet I still feel an intense urge to force myself to get up and do the work needed to accomplish goals. Because in my Capricornian upbringing, resting a day was a lame excuse for laziness. And there’s no room for waste (like wasting time).

Do you get what I’m saying? 🤔

Assuming you understand me, if I were to ask you to listen to your unhealed wounded inner child, what do you think he/she would tell you? If he/she were to tell you the truth, would you be willing to listen?

Because if you do listen, you will discover something you have either forgotten or have yet to discover about yourself. When you do find this unique gift within, you will soon realize the path that is carved for you. The very reason why you’re here on earth. Your body will tell you exactly that. 🤗

Shadow work through ‘expressive’ journaling

“If retaining a secret about a trauma was bad, it made it obvious that revealing the truth should promote health.”
—Dr. James W. Pennebaker, Author of ‘Expressive Writing in Psychological Science,” published in 1997

For 11 years, Pennebaker, author of the 1997 ‘Psychological Science’ paper, studied traumatized participants and learned that 15% of those who were abused before the age of 17 were more likely to visit doctors and therapists than those in older age brackets.

Based on these results, he developed expressive writing as a simple exercise that he believed was the secret to healing trauma; emotionally safe enough for the adults to face their haunting past without feeling forced or oppressed.

And this same exercise is what I’ve been doing since 2022, when I first learned about it. My shadow work system is basically an expression of writing in action.

I wrote, “It doesn’t matter what writing style, genre, or voice you favor when it comes to expressive writing. What matters is that it works for you. In other words, whichever format you like to use to convey your untold story, as long as it achieves the desired goals, it’s acceptable.”

Why does it work?

It is because you’re forced to confront the force that you fear most. It invites you to welcome vulnerability within a timeframe, say 15 mins, and tell your story about what happened to you and how it made you feel. All you need is honesty and 15 mins a day to write comprehensive tales about yourself to see results.

Thus, expressive writing can help you process the emotional baggage you’ve been carrying all this time and finally let it go from your system. Upon resolving these issues, you’re also boosting your overall health by trusting the process, even if it takes years to see an improved ‘You.’

Are you ready to heal and become your own therapist?

Although this year’s Fire Horse will likely influence the passion and power of Aries (the next lunar cycle), it’s important to provide a safe environment for your inner child to express things with you. Just like any child, they need our understanding and compassion to earn their trust, to finally decide to work with you, not against you. 🥰

Therefore, it’s necessary to find ways that will work for you and aid your Pisces to feel comfortable revealing its wildest dreams with Saturn’s ruthless discipline. With that, you have options to choose from.

Download your FREE soul exercises

If you’re ready to start your own journaling and don’t know how, here are your FREE soul exercises to download.

Quick backstory, I initially designed these worksheets for myself, but later decided to share them with others, including you. So, they’re now available on our online shop.

Best & Worst Childhood Memories, Healing Through Reflection

This soul exercise invites you to gently revisit your childhood memories, both the joyful and the painful, to better understand how they’ve shaped your Present Self. Through guided prompts and reflective writing, you will explore the moments that made you feel safe, loved, hurt, or unseen.

Self-Awareness, A Guided Writing Journey Into Your Inner World

This exercise invites you to turn inward and listen to your own voice again. Through carefully crafted prompts, you’ll explore your current emotions, thoughts, and behaviors, and inner patterns without judgment and pressure.

30 Journal Prompts, Become the Version of You That Feels Right

This collection of 30 deeply reflective journal prompts is designed to help you peel back layers of conditioning, fear, and distraction, so you can reconnect with the version of yourself that feels true, aligned, and free.

Finding Magic in Mundane

This soul exercise invites you to slow down and rediscover the quiet magic woven in your everyday life. Through simple but meaningful reflection, you’ll be guided to look at the small events of your day, both good and bad, and uncover the deeper emotions and lessons within them.

Turn your pain into power

Aside from these soul exercises, you can also check out my ‘Ultimate Book Writing Planner’ to turn your painful story into a book, which is also available on our online shop. It has received a 5-star rating on Etsy.

This is a 40+ page printable A4 novel-writing exercise, containing book outline templates and worksheets ready for use, based on Derek Murphy’s 24-chapter outline, plus my personal experiences.

A. FRONT MATTER

Copyright
Dedication
Epigraph
Table of Contents
Acknowledgments

B. PLOT OUTLINE

Act I
Act II
Act III

C. CHAPTER PLANNER

Hook
Inciting Incident
Resolution

D. END MATTER

My Notes
About the Author
Also by the Author

If you are a writer, regardless of your niche, you understand how planning, keeping track of random ideas, and bullet journaling help you stay organized in your work.

It gives you opportunities to keep an eye on detail and improve your book’s content, both fiction and nonfiction. These are all excellent uses for this book outline and novel-writing worksheets, a digital download with 40+ pages in A4 size.

What you’ll get after purchase:

Downloadable 40+ pages in a PDF file
Digital Planner Pages, A4 size (8.27 x 11.69 inches, 21 x 29,7 cm)

Final Note

If you reached this part of this post, thank you so much for spending your time with me, reflecting this amazing Piscean ‘Blood Full Moon’ with a touch of Virgoan approach, e.g., corresponding exercises and downloads for you to get started.

Thus, it invites you to turn the unseen within you into a reality in the 3D world, not just as dreams and daydreams, but as a realistic project you can work on. A project that will help you find that spark again.

This beautiful mix of Neptunian imagination and Saturnian hardcore discipline, when done courageously with consistent honesty and vulnerability, will help you achieve results by confronting your fears and traumas and finally releasing them from your psyche.

With that, I wish you well in your shadow work journey. It is my hope that you’ll find the healing you’re looking for in this lifetime.

I love you and care for you, just as I love and care for myself. See you in the next one. Tschüßieee!!! ♥️

Check out these fantastic books and support independent authors:

‘Cult!’ by Thomas Burns

A distraught mother seeks her kidnapped child. A young boy languishes in jail, facing a trial that could change his life forever.

The 3M Detective Agency has been nearly dismantled by sudden death and an unrelenting campaign by an out-of-control district attorney.

How will Natalie McMasters and the fam fight against overwhelming odds to keep from being destroyed for good?

‘Cole’ by C.J. Bishop

In "Mind of Madness," follow Cole Young's haunting journey through his thirteenth year in Mill Creek, Washington. This gripping tale of love, terror, and the ultimate test of sanity will leave you on edge until the very last page.

Before he became a member of the Phoenix Club family, Cole Young lived a relatively normal life, but that all changed on the year of his thirteenth birthday. As he navigates through the complexities of adolescence, he comes face-to-face with the epitome of true madness, and his life takes a dark and twisted turn.

Can he hold onto his sanity and make it out alive, or will the mind of madness consume him? Find out in this captivating and chilling prelude novella to the dark and disturbing COLE series.

‘Ignite My Fire’ by Melony Ann

There are five things I know very well about myself. I’m dominant. I’m the Alpha male in all aspects of my life, friends and job included. I’m protective of those I care about and love. I’m a really good Captain at our local fire department.

And I’m in love with Lila Mancini. Local celebrity. The princess of Piper Falls. Everyone falls under her spell.

The problem? She’s completely off-limits. Seven years younger than me, way out of my league in every sense of the word, and my best friend’s little sister.

‘Alchemical Dreamer’ by Mike Struan

Kraghtol Wulfspar has never truly belonged. The only half-orc in a land of humans, he’s spent his life assisting his adoptive father, the healer of Mistpine. Close enough to be useful, never close enough to be accepted. He’s learned to swallow the stares, the silence, the feeling of being tolerated instead of trusted.

When he finds a traveler injured in the woods, a mysterious man who insists Kraghtol be the one to treat him, his life turns upside down. As payment, the stranger leaves behind a potion said to turn him human. For Kraghtol, who’s dreamed of becoming an alchemist all his life, it feels like the first real spark of possibility.

‘Sicarii: Part 1’ by Adrienne Wilder

Ben Corbin’s uncle is murdered, and the search for the man who killed him takes Ben to the small town of Spencer. But his game plan unravels when he finds himself falling for the beautiful and broken Jacob, who deserves more than living in the shadow of the killer, Marcel Serghi.

Jacob Moser was saved from the streets by Marcel Serghi, and as payment, he’s given his absolute loyalty. Jacob has convinced himself he has everything he needs until Ben Corbin comes into his life. In fear of his growing attraction to Ben, he does his best to push him away.

Then a deadly game of revenge turns Ben and Jacob into pawns, and the only one who can save them is a man forged into a killer under the most brutal conditions.

‘Sacred Hearts’ by C.G. Macington

When the youngest Pope in centuries, Marco Ricci, and Italy's reformist Prime Minister, Matteo Valentini, meet to tackle corruption within the Italian and Vatican states, neither expects the connection that sparks between them.

As their forbidden relationship deepens, a dangerous conspiracy threatens both Church and State. With enemies in the shadows and their positions at stake, Marco and Matteo discover that their greatest strength against corruption might be the very love their opponents seek to destroy.

A gripping tale of intrigue, faith, and the courage to stand for both truth and love.

Claim your FREE books here

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Your Dreams Aren’t There Because God Was Bored. [Pisces New Moon]

Mecyll Gaspary — Sat, 21 Feb 2026 02:00:16 GMT

Photo credits: My husband, Location: Wehr, Brennet, Date: ca. 2019

“The most beautiful thing we can experience is the mysterious. It is the source of all true art and science… The insight into the mystery of life, coupled though it be with fear, has also given rise to religion.
To know what is impenetrable to us really exists, manifesting itself as the highest wisdom and the most radiant beauty, which our dull faculties can comprehend only in their most primitive forms. This knowledge, this feeling, is at the center of true religiousness.”
—Excerpt from ‘Living Philosophies’ by Albert Einstein (Pisces Sun, Sagittarius Moon)

You may be wondering why you dream of lofty things, seemingly impossible things, why your mind keeps longing for those daydreams that have clung to your brain’s membranes since the dawn of time.

In your adult mind, you’ve tried to ignore them, but here you are, relentlessly battered by their desperate need for your attention.

You know, those dreams that scream at you the moment you fall asleep, in between breaks and pauses?

You may have been asking yourself why they aren’t leaving you despite the time and the rush of life. No matter how much you try to distract yourself by doing a bunch of things to the point of exhaustion, they stayed. Even when you’re exhausted enough not to think of these same things you’ve been running away from, they remain.

You tried. That’s the point. You did try your best to keep your ego intact, pretending that none of these existed.

Yet, to your dismay, despite the efforts, they become louder and louder the longer you ignore them.

If these resonate with you, this is what this Piscean New Moon is inviting you to do: to finally sit down with these unexplainable dreams and daydreams that seem to have no plans of leaving you at any point. To finally listen to what they’ve been trying to tell you all this time, without judgment and the need to intellectualize every damn thing.

Maybe if you do, you will find the answers you’re seeking all this time. The answers you need to carry on and move forward in life and get away from the rut you’re in at this moment, to embrace the path that was meant for you to carve in the first place.

A path you signed up for as a soul before you arrived on Earth, before the time you chose your mother and the family you’ll belong to in this lifetime. A path you’ve forgotten because you’re too busy existing, dealing with your boring, predictable, claustrophobic life.

If I were truly honest with you, I once thought that being rigid to my plans would propel me to the life I was born for. I once believed that hardcore discipline without fun and play was the key to achieving success.

However, God had other plans, and suddenly thought of bringing me to unique circumstances to challenge my upbringing and beliefs, which came along with it, towards the ethereal Piscean energy.

Growing up with two Capricornian parents, I once thought that those people with strong Piscean placements in their natal charts (Sun, Moon, Rising, and the Planets) were weak. They’re too submissive, having no teeth, sinking into anything they do. Too emotional to handle a pinch of stress.

In my eyes, in my strong Saturn-dominant eyes, they make me feel as if they’re born with a mental state that keeps their heads in a cloud nine 24/7, ignoring reality and becoming too passive and oblivious to what’s actually going on right before their very eyes.

The kind the bullies love to make fun of, assuming they’re too weak to fight and stand against their foes, too soft for this barbaric, ever-competitive, capitalistic world.

Like my maternal grandfather, who has a Pisces Sun, Cancer Moon, and Mars in Scorpio. A former guerrilla whose contribution remained unrecognized after he helped fight for freedom, side-by-side with the Americans and fellow Filipino armies against the Japanese.

Despite the nobility of what he’d done to save lives, he chose to live discreetly, as though none of his war stories mattered, as though none of his blood, sweat, and tears were valuable or noble enough for recognition.

After the war, he became a caring husband and a doting father of four lovely, beautiful daughters. A dreamy man who loved to smoke his precious tobacco every four o’clock in the morning with a cup of rice coffee, enjoying the sight of his growing flowers and lush gardens that surrounded his two-storey home, sitting in the middle of a vast ricefield.

The same peaceful man who succumbed to his inescapable darkness and was swallowed by that same darkness simply because he couldn’t find a place, a safe place, for his sensitive soul to reveal a part of himself that was meant to remain hidden for the rest of his life in fear of judgment and being called ‘gay.’

And that iron-clad choice to silence his own inner child for the sake of everyone he loved so dearly, as a Piscean, left him no choice but to take his own life. A choice that would forever haunt his daughters and the next generation of his family.

That next generation includes me.

For this reason, I wrote this short story as one of my little ways to pay tribute to what he’d done for me, to change the course of his story. I want people to remember him as someone who loved life and his neighbors deeply, but never received that love in return.

I wish I could’ve met him when he was alive. But I didn’t. He died six years before I was born. So, after years of listening to the Elders, I wrote this story and compiled a collection of stories.

Without him, none of my creative world would’ve been possible. Without his reassurance from the 5D/astral world, I wouldn’t have the courage to live an authentic life and reveal a part of myself to the world, the wounded inner child that was supposed to remain in captivity for the rest of my life.

This is my way to alchemize the pain by sharing an important segment of his life and learning an important lesson: how a decision to ignore one’s true self can lead to a family tragedy, and how that tragedy can cut someone’s heart so deeply. Deep enough to cause his magical Piscean world to collapse and forget to live the next day with the same power as he did before.

READ: ‘Samuel’s Bas-Uy’ (A short story I wrote based on his life story)

On the other side of the story, you see the wonders of Piscean gifts to us when nurtured with love. They may be too soft and too gentle for this world, however, if we were a little bit friendlier to these sensitive souls, you would produce geniuses such as Albert Einstein (Piscean Sun, Sagittarius Moon) and Leonardo Da Vinci (Taurus Sun, Pisces Moon), who laid out a massive table-turning contribution to science and art and mind-blowing, innovative visions of the future, respectively.

You also have talented actors like Bryan Cranston (Pisces Sun, Capricorn Moon), known for playing Walter White in the ‘Breaking Bad’ series, and the late Elizabeth Taylor (Pisces Sun, Scorpio Moon), who amassed 80+ blockbusters under her belt.

Rare people like Elvis Presley (Capricorn Sun, Pisces Moon), Kurt Cobain (Pisces Sun, Cancer Moon), and Michael Jackson (Virgo Sun, Pisces Moon) wouldn’t have to suffer and maybe still be alive today. Perhaps, until now, we would’ve seen them experimenting with AI, producing otherworldly music just as they did decades ago without machines.

Even if they were alive, they had two choices: whether to live each day in pursuit of their dreams like Neil Sedaka (Pisces Sun, Capricorn Moon), Leonard Cohen (Virgo Sun, Pisces Moon), or Rihanna (Pisces Sun, Aries Moon).

If not, they could also shine and fall into their dangerous rabbit holes like Karen Carpenter (Pisces Sun, Leo Moon), who fought against her deadly battle with anorexia, Justin Bieber (Pisces Sun, Libra Moon) with the abuse of drugs, and Kim Kardashian (Libra Sun, Pisces Moon) with her alleged involvement in fraudulent activities, to name a few.

Regardless of where their Pisces placements are, the moment they’re afflicted, there is little to no regard for repairing them.

Why?

Because they couldn’t bear the pain of confronting the reality and facing the issue for the sake of other people. It’s as if they would rather drain their dreams away than disappoint their loved ones, even if it would cost their own lives.

Do you understand what I’m trying to say? 🤔

Even if you aren’t born under the Pisces zodiac sign or have strong Piscean placements in your natal chart, it doesn’t mean you can ignore this message.

The point is that all of us, including you, have suppressed dreams and daydreams, along with their artistic urges that have remained dormant within you all these years.

All of us have Pisces (or Neptune’s power) somewhere in our system.

It’s up to you to decide whether you take a look at them and explore where this could lead you, or to ignore them for the sake of stability and comfort, even if it means living each day with heartache.

And the fact that Pisces is the last zodiac sign before the rise of Aries in springtime, the commander of the zodiac, this is clearly a call for you to jump into the unknown and trust yourself that you already know the answers to find the road where your soul wants to go.

That is, if your smarty brain is willing to step aside and let your heart and soul take the lead this time. Can you?

Do you think you have the willpower to believe that your dreams and daydreams are there to tell you they are meant to be yours and yours to achieve?

Say, you’re prayerful, and you’ve prayed a lot. Do you feel like you have enough faith in yourself and trust in God, the Universe, the Creator to achieve just that? Or were your prayers made out of ego, fearing the disapproval of other people?

Do you strongly feel the need to change things that have been weighing you down to bring forth true happiness and joy into your life? If so, are you willing to be brave and stop running from your dreams, and finally make the time to listen to and act on them?

Are you prepared to spare even 20 minutes of your 24 hours per day to sit down with yourself and be alone with your thoughts and feelings without fearing them? Are you ready to confront the parts of yourself you dislike?

This is Piscean’s call to take a second look at how you’ve navigated your life so far. To take a pause and breathe before the next chapter begins.

If you want, review your last year’s calendar and see your hectic schedules, then recall how you felt at each step, from beginning to the end, that time. Were you delighted that you accomplished them or not? Did you feel proud that you survived that?

RECOMMENDED: ‘Letters for Your Soul’

If you feel like it doesn’t feel right, maybe your life has been too fast, too planned out, that you don’t have enough mental space to daydream, too burnt out to care about your dreams.

Maybe you’re too focused on pleasing others that you ignore what has been screaming in your system for a while. You would prefer listening to their opinions over your decisions, what is true to you, when you’re the driver of your own life.

If you are living like this, I understand why you would rather spend the rest of your time sleeping through the night or doing something else than care about your silly, childish fantasies, right? I know it ain’t easy to be real and live authentically, knowing that being fake is glamorous.

With so many distractions around and rapid accessibility, it’s easy to disregard what your senses can’t see or feel, to disbelieve the unseen, unspoken, and unheard simply because you can’t see or touch the outcomes.

Because they say, ‘To see is to believe.’

During your free time, you would rather doom-scroll for hours for fun rather than endure the pain of creation while staring at the blank page, not knowing where your first word would be. Instead of journaling to self-introspect, you would rather party with peers, clubbing to pass the time.

But hey, your feelings are real. And they’re there for a reason.

So, in this New Moon, this lunar energy is reminding you of something. Something you already know as a living soul but have forgotten or have chosen to forget.

Here’s the thing.

Not all things visible are the only ones that exist in this world; even the unseen has the power to change reality as long as one has a strong energetic pull—call it a strong desire, prayer, or manifestation, whatever—to bring out the ether’s magical power and manifest the impossible into the real world.

Your dreams are there because you can have them. Otherwise, they wouldn’t stick to your system this long, this deep. All you need to do is acknowledge they’re there.

Even if you deny this part of yourself, remember that you’re a living soul. That means that the soul belongs to that body, and that body belongs to that soul. Whatever your soul demands, your body feels. If your soul is crying, your body suffers.

If the soul’s cry is still left ignored, and the body can no longer handle the internal suffering, they turn physical, handing you a handful of diseases.

Because of your unbreakable ego, your internal organs have to work double time to compensate for the lack of attention. Your brain pressures your involuntary muscles to work harder to mask the pain. Over time, they would fail, leading to a slow suicide or death.

Instead of releasing the intoxicating pressure of the past to move forward to a brighter future, you won’t because you’re mighty and strong. For you, crying is for the weak, and you’re not a weak soul. So, you’re not giving in.

Each day, your veins pump more blood than usual, and your muscles tense, because you keep seeing your ex on the street. Each day, you feel so frustrated that you see them on social media, hand in hand, so happy with their new beau.

Rather than looking within, you would rather keep tabs and do more than you could handle, making sure you’re at the top of the game to feel like a winner, somehow, assuming that’s enough to make him/her feel that you’re a big loss after he/she broke your heart.

When you couldn’t get over the fact that they’re happier than you are now, you would rather embrace escapism than face the main problem, and then left wondering why you’re taking a dozen pills to keep you alive.

In other words, you already have everything you need to turn your pain into power, only if you choose to be aware of it. And your soul is strong enough to overcome all odds and defeat the demons that have weakened our spiritual society.

Let me remind you. Again. Your dreams and daydreams aren’t planted in your psyche, replaying underneath your skull a thousand times, if not more, because God was bored. They are here for you to enjoy in this lifetime.

The fact that you’re reading this week’s reflection means you have this little urge to find more about this dream and daydream, to allow a speck of curiosity to explore and learn why you have them, just as I did years back. It’s nerve-wracking because you haven’t done this before.

But trust me. At the end of the day, you will understand the excitement. It would be frustrating at first. Once you do find that spark, you won’t be able to live the next day without it. Take it from personal experience.

(As a result, my life turned upside down, paving the way to unexpected losses for the sake of my inner child’s current artistic madness—for the love of writing and books! Hahaha! 😂)

Click here to learn more about me and what I do. ✍️

The question is: are you willing to join me in this spiritual crusade to heal the wounded inner child and take the first bold step to see the potential in your dreams and daydreams, rather than box them with your limited intellect?

Are you ready to embrace this life, the kind of unique, creative life that was meant to be yours? The type that would bring your heart gallons of tears of joy?

This is your call, not mine. Sure, I am handing you a gift of options. But in the end, the choice is in your hands. Be sure to listen to yourself and act on what is true to you. 😉

To end, I want to say my deepest thank you for taking the time to spend with me and for reflecting on my honest thoughts and feelings this week. Your presence fuels positivity in my energetic field, which I genuinely appreciate.

I also appreciate the likes and comments you leave on every article I publish in this community, as well as the books you’ve bought from me (if you have). Your support means a lot to me, and I don’t have more words to perfectly describe how I feel these days, except for one word: magical. ♥️

I love you so much. Please take care of yourself. See you in the next one. Tschüßieee! 👏

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‘Strokes of Desire #1’ by M. Gaspary

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‘Asterius & Thesius’ by Aaron Fown

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Seeking power, Minos, an empire of man, has built a temple to the perfect darkness and seeks to use it for an unspeakable purpose. The tiny fishing city of Athens suffers under the gaze of its eye and mourns the cost of its bloody sacrifice. But the goddess Athena has a plan to save her city from their fate, and she has the means to execute it.

Is there a way out of the Labyrinth, besides the shaded path of death? Can love solve the puzzle of the mythos and give the most surprising hero the chance he needs to save the people he loves? Can our heroes, with the love in their hearts and their lights in their hands, set the stage for a miraculous musical to invert the plans of the darkness, on a long chance and a song?

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‘Isaac’ by Allee Mead

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Click here to read her story.

Thanks for reading Writer Warriors! This post is public so feel free to share it.

To the Man Who Broke My Heart A Thousand Pieces [Aquarius New Moon]

Mecyll Gaspary — Sat, 14 Feb 2026 02:00:53 GMT

“Those times, I have remembered, made me feel something for him. I may be considered a daydreamer, yet I am the kind of girl who dreams of being with this kind of person [sic] for the rest of my life.
But it’s just that the world seems to tell me that he isn’t the right person for me by now. He has his own ambition to reach, and I have mine as an undergraduate.”
—Excerpt from my entry, ‘My Heart’s Unfathomable State,’ Published March 30, 2011

If I were to listen to my 18-year-old Self right now, I would’ve imagined her frozen on the couch. Numbed. Cold. Unbothered. Definitely uninterested in talking, let alone spilling her most precious beans to someone she never met.

Yet, she had to do it.

She was supposed to be there with me, spending the whole day in my cozy office. With a steaming cup of coffee on the table and a bowl of finger foods, surrounded by shelves of books and a small fireplace, in my mind, she had no choice but to talk and reveal.

The place was comfortable enough for her demons to feel safe.

After all, she decided to come and visit me without prior notice. So, it was fair to ask why she was here in the first place, why she needed my presence when she seemed to have everything together. 💪

The more I observed her in the stillness, the more I began to notice the little things. Underneath her calm demeanor and steady composure, her thumbs twitched, pressed together. Her eyes blinked as they pierced the ceramic, her lips pressed in subtle fear.

Shifting my weight, I folded my knees and wrapped myself with a blanket. With a steaming coffee in hand, I bore a stare, anticipating a confession waiting behind the stoicism. “Is something bothering you?” I blew the steam off the cup and sipped a little until I felt the warm liquid crawl down my throat.

She spoke to me with hesitant eyes. Her breathing labored in every word. It’s as if there are a thousand things in her mind, wanting to be revealed and let go, but the words stepped on the brakes.

“Since my heartbreak in 2011, there hasn’t been a single day when I truly believed I deserved true love.”

My breathing paused, letting those words sink into my head for a moment. “Why do you say so? What happened?”

She sighed. “I fell in love for the first time in my life and confessed that love with high hopes, thinking he felt the same, that I would receive it in return,” she paused, expelling a rueful laugh after a long, agonizing minute, “Maybe I’m crazy to think I deserve such a thing. It was foolish of me to think I was enough for someone, despite the efforts I made to show them how genuine my love for them is.”

Each word exploded in my sleepy nerves in a second. Realizing where this conversation could go, I wanted to ask why she said what she said, but I halted when she continued with tears in her red-rimmed eyes. Her voice lowered.

“If I can’t receive a secure, stable love at home, why should I expect others to offer it to me?”

“You don’t have to wait for someone else to love you if you can provide the same for yourself.”

“Who am I to receive such love, anyway?”

“My character Valon said, ‘God loves everyone, and God is love.’”

She scoffed. “Whatever. They say true love exists. Does it?”

Oh, I wasn’t expecting that, I told myself, nodding, speechless at her bluntness. I wouldn’t have expected such pain from a woman who seemed to know it all. Her spine snapped in place, her legs crossed. Her face bore the determination to end something, only God knew what.

I cleared my throat. “It does.”

“Have you seen it?” she asked and got a ‘Yes’ from me in return. “You’re lucky. I am not.” Her fingers wrapped around her wrist, covered with a fresh bandage.

“I see you’re hurting yourself.” My mouth pursed, pointing at the injured wrist. “Is it because of him?” I asked and got a swift surprise. She looked away to hide her face, feeling caught. “You don’t have to hide it.” I lifted my wrist and showed her the same spot where the old scar was. Sarcasm was loud and clear.

Her eyes widened. Flabbergasted. “What did you do?”

As much as I wished to scold her for doing something stupid, I couldn’t. Because in my adult mind, I couldn’t blame her for feeling this way. It was her right to feel the weight of this world, like an Atlas in a prom dress. Looking so good and mighty and strong on the outside, but so broken inside.

Still, cutting her own skin because of other people’s stupidity was mad. And wearing that same scar was an unnecessary responsibility, an inescapable reminder of what my Old Self had done. 😡

“It’s funny you asked that.”

“I’m serious!”

“Who else did it? I’m not stupid enough to cut my own skin for a man.”

“If not, why do you have it?”

Seriously? The look in my eyes shifted, wishing it were enough of an effort to tell her my answer. And maybe she sensed it. She understood the weight of my silence.

Assuming I was right, I went on. “I won’t tell you to stop ‘cause I know you would do the same again. But please, don’t make it deep. I already have enough scars to hide. And it’s hard to keep them hidden. You know?” I carefully set my cup on the saucer, snatched a few sheets of tissue paper, and handed them to her.

Watching her wiping her tears, I remember it so clearly, sighing my heart out to my Old Self who endured the loneliness and overcame inescapable tribulations that seemed to have no end.

Family and friends, whoever they may be, have always felt like they were in an invisible race, competing with one another and against me, leaving the next generation out of place, not knowing their place in the arena.

In their minds, they learned early on that one has to feed their parents’ fragile egos and insecurities to deserve such emotional intimacy, even if it was a fundamental birthright to be loved unconditionally.

Despite the efforts, nothing they’ve done with all their might to please their parents was enough for genuine applause, for genuine affection. There was always a reason for not having enough, not being enough.

In their eyes, their children were a symbol of lack. Their lack. And that lack must be repaired, made better, even if it means molding them into the selves they never knew they signed up for.

Like Liz, who was never aware that her own mother sold her marriage to the Elizondos for the same reason under the guise of true love. She spent twelve years believing that what she had was real.

“If you expect me to say sorry, I won’t. I deserve the wounds,” she lamented.

“Why would you think like that? You’re still 18. Come on. You still have a long way to go.” I clucked, slightly disappointed to hear such a thing from her. After a growing silence, I gave up and babbled on with empathy in my chest. “I understand why you do what you do. You feel like marking your skin was your way of self-expression.”

“Self-expression? I’m not an artist. I’m not planning to be one.” Her fingers tightened around her arm, cautiously moving it away from my sight. “And I’m not trying to be funny. I didn’t come here to waste my time making jokes with you.”

“I’m damn serious with every word I say in this room,” I paused, studying her face for a minute. When the pause prolonged, I went on. “You chose to do it. Be proud of what you’ve done.” I shifted my weight and leaned forward in her direction. My eyes were on her. “Why do you feel like you have to hide it?”

“Do I need to answer that?” She arched an eyebrow, flaunting her proud, teary eyes. Whatever I saw on her face left me sighing my desperation out of my system.

Growing up in such a toxic environment, I once saw the world through a distorted lens and believed that everybody seemed to love playing mind games, manipulating people’s hearts for their own gains, as if breaking them was an Olympic sport to play and win.

Like a gambler playing chess underneath the Acacia trees in the park for a snacktime thrill. Nothing serious, just having fun leeching people’s kindness, fucking around with people’s minds.

And it was perfectly normal to live life like this. Being fake was an act of God, a glamorous thing to do, exalted for generations. Everybody must show off, who’s better, more beautiful, richer, or sexier than the other. Being authentic and real to oneself was considered witchcraft and was forbidden.

Only when I removed myself completely from the home that broke me did I realize a side of myself I had not known until my early 30s. The side of me meant to be kept hidden was actually the secret to removing the ‘Black Blob’ that had encapsulated generations of my family.

And this same secret was something they hated to see through me, let alone accept the fact that I was speaking about it publicly.

“Watch out for her,” my aunt announced once at a family gathering years ago. Her sharp eyes on me, leaving me wondering what those eyes meant and why she even said something like that in front of everybody. Like a warning sign.

But now, I understand.

My hands grabbed the cup again and took another sip until it was half-empty. “Why are you here? Why do you want to talk to me?”

Sniffing, she looked away to hide the beads of tears forming around her eyes, moving her attention to the windows. “I don’t know,” she said.

Her eyes were on the black warbler sitting on the neighbor’s rooftop. Her throat fiddled, obviously wanting to speak, but the same hesitation I felt earlier seemed to have blocked a sound.

“By the way, you said I’m lucky. Do I look like one?” I teased, pulling away, letting out a silent, quick laugh, thinking this was a cute assumption to hear today. Noting the slight shift on her face, I leaned back against the comfy couch and patiently waited for her to go for it. Take the bait. Talk to me. You can do it.

“Yes.” Her sarcastic eyes were on me. Her eyebrow arched. “That’s why I hate people like you.”

I snorted. “Wow. I didn’t expect that.”

“I hate the idea of marriage. I hate seeing people in love. I hate you.”

“Lots of people hate me.”

She scoffed, wanting to laugh at her spiritual demise. “True love is a joke. How could someone like you, a smart woman, believe that that exists on earth?”

I shrugged. “What else should I say? True love exists only if you choose to see and embrace it.”

Her chest expanded, wanting to lash out, but she tried too hard to contain all those violent emotions at bay. “Shut the fuck up! You’re lying to me,” she paused when I shook my head, “Please stop trying to convince me about this shitty love.”

Surprised, my jaw dropped. My eyes blinked, as if it was instinctively following its trail to my digital handwritten notes on the side. Perhaps it was an invisible punch to my ego, oddly feeling like I could land a slap on this young lady’s face in a second. It took me another second to let those words sink into my brain and calm my nerves down.

After all, she was me 15 years ago.

“I respect that. You don’t have to like me if you don’t. Love me or hate me. It’s up to you. But let me remind you, you came here to visit me. Does that mean you’re sparing your time to tell me you hate me? Aren’t you wasting your time?”

“No! Are you crazy?”

“I’m not. Tell me exactly why you’re up to, and we’re good.”

Her smugness was eloquent as she crossed her arms, as if she was insulted by it. Her voice stiffened, like her body trembling in anger. “What do you think?”

“Sorry. I’m not a mind-reader.”

“I think you are. You pulled me to come to you.”

My face glowed in astonishment. “Excuse me? Did I? When—”

“Why are you doing this to me? Why are you telling me that you don’t care about people hating you? Are you out of your fucking mind?”

“‘Cause their feelings are none of my business,” I interrupted, pausing her.

“What if it’s your own family?”

“I simply let them think any shit about me. I don’t care. It’s their opinion anyway. Their opinions don’t feed my own family. Period.” Her eyes lingered on me as she took a minute to soothe herself. I continued. “Look. You can be who you want to be when you’re with me. But if you cross the line, I won’t give you a damn slack. Do you understand?”

After a whispery ‘Yes’ left her mouth, I noticed her shoulders lowering, her face softening, as if what I said had an effect on her; as if something about it punched her senses in a way that wasn’t done before.

“I’m sorry. I don’t mean to be mean. It’s just—I don’t know what to do with my life. That’s why I’m here, I guess,” she added, wiping her tears with her fingers. “Who would believe me if I were to tell someone I wasn’t fine. I’m struggling, but I can’t just sit there and tell all.”

“You can tell me everything. You fell in love with this man, and he hurt you. That’s what happened,” I replied, pausing her again. I offered a soft, genuine smile, hoping it would be enough to ease her. To make her feel safe with me. “I’m serious. Your secrets are safe with me. I promise.”

To my disappointment, her face spoke none of that. Instead, she tilted her head at an angle, throwing her loud suspicion with her strong but agitated gaze. “Why would you do that? Who are you to listen to my problems?”

“I am you. You are me. That’s why you’re here, right? Because you have nobody to tell everything you want. Just me.”

“Bullshit!”

“No matter what you say, we’ll always be connected. We are one.”

“You’re funny. I wouldn’t ever know my Future Self was insanely ludicrous.” She laughed, though there was nothing to laugh about. “You look happy now, so why would you waste your time listening to me, as if I have something worth saving?”

Because you knocked on my door and disturbed my weekend plans, you fucking idiot. Frustration peaked in my head for a moment. Out of sheer will, I sighed, forcing a shy smile to keep the harmony. “The Higher Self needs us all for the big mission.”

The laughter stopped. Silence swept inside the room. “A big mission?” Her eyebrows furrowed, her eyes narrowed. Her mouth curved slightly, as if she was trying too hard to contain her laughter. “The Higher Self? Who are you talking about?”

“She can’t do this alone. She needs to gather the Past, Present, and Future Selves to make this happen. But we don’t have much time.”

“Time? Don’t you know I’m way too busy for that shit? I have a council to run, and my staff are waiting for me to return to work. Why am I even here? I should go back.” She was about to rise and grab her things, but she slowed when I spoke.

“Stop,” I paused, lifting a finger when she tried to refuse, “I don’t think an hour is enough for your life’s story. But don’t worry. I’m free the whole day to listen to every word you say.”

She sprang out of her seat and looked down on me. “Didn’t I just say—”

“If you wish to stay here for the night, my guest room is ready for you. How about that?” I blinked, letting that sharpness in her eyes slice through my membranes. My fingers curled into a fist, struggling even more to contain my frustration. “I think I know why you’re here. It’s time to heal the ‘I love you’ trauma.”

“What the f—”

“We have to understand the language of true love.”

She snorted, raising her shoulders, leaning her torso forward as she covered her flushing cheeks with both hands. “Seriously.”

“You told me earlier about your heartbreak in 2011,” I paused, keeping my steady face and the seriousness of it. Perhaps the weight in my stare left her halting to rest. It was then that I first noticed how she seemed to have taken aback.

“I shouldn’t have said something.”

I went on, watching her slowly returning to where she was. “I understand this caused you so much pain that until now, the Present Self is struggling to offer true love to someone who deserves it.”

“Why would you want to know about it?” Her nose flared, wanting to disagree, wearing an iron-clad determination to keep it a secret in her burning gaze.

“The Present Self needs it to heal.”

“Fuck you. What if I won’t?”

“You have to.”

“I didn’t come here to talk to you about my love life.”

“Then, tell me what else is on your mind?”

“You won’t give up, would you?” she said, only to get a smirk from me, annoying her even more.

“No. I won’t.”

“If you’re saying I’m the Past Self, who’s the Present Self?”

“Me,” I replied nonchalantly, noting her surprise. A warm air of relief escaped my nose, letting out this burning anger that had clung to my chest since this session started. My eyebrows rose. “Surprised?”

Assuming some kind of understanding dawned in her head, I went on, crossing my legs, shifting my weight on the couch. My hand found the cup of cold coffee sitting idly on the small table beside me. “Now tell me about your pain, so I can know what to tell the Higher Self tonight. I know she’s waiting for me to meet her soon.”

“Like what? You’re going to send her an email or something?” After a nod, she sighed, giving up. “What do you know what to know about it?”

“Everything.”

“Can you specify it for me, please?”

“Tell me what’s on your mind right now. We can start from that, if you like.”

She expelled a loud grunt, looking down at the carpeted floor. “Well, I kept replaying the past in my mind’s eye for a minute. Maybe they think of me as the best target because I’m weak.”

“I see.” My heart clenched, feeling my thin fingers wrap around my arteries. “Why do you say so?”

“They really thought I was the best target simply because I was the silent one.” Tears crawled down her cheeks, her eyes blinking, trying to push more of them out of her lids. “The one little, chubby girl who grew up with shame, fear, and guilt, who refused to be combative against the narcs, even if she was meant to fight against them for her own sake. That one girl who offered nothing but true love, only to earn poison in return.”

At that moment, something struck my brain. An understanding. A clear understanding of where this unexplainable heartache in my chest came from. A life-changing answer I never thought I would find from a young girl’s mind.

Listening to the rest of her narrative, I hadn’t realized how deep the cut was until recently, when I finally mustered enough courage to confront this and tell my husband about this man, who he was, and how the entire story went. Not in a million years would I have known that in my early 30s, I would still be healing my ‘I love you’ trauma that happened 15 years ago.

At last, I finally got my answer.

It’s time to call my Higher Self and tell her everything I learned. I expelled a silent giggle, leaving her wondering why. Her face wrote the questions she wished to ask me; however, I didn’t mind. Because what mattered more was the fact that I had something in my hand to heal, to move forward with a lighter heart.

I grabbed my digital notebook and scribbled handwritten notes with a touch pen. A ‘Eureka.’

All this time, I’ve been operating my life in a way that was limited, stuck, and deprived. A life that was enveloped with unconscious fear. I feared that someone wasn’t sincere and would lovebomb me to wrap me around their fingers, just as this man did to her.

As a woman, I’ve always felt incapable of giving and receiving true love, simply because it wasn’t given to me unconditionally. I’ve always felt like I have to work hard for it.

My conscious brain was convinced I was doing something for other people out of love, yet my subconscious and unconscious selves had a different memo. They wanted something in return. A payback, whether it was something to soothe their ego or not.

When I thought I had somebody to lean on at a time when I felt so powerless and alone, like I’d sold my soul to adults who only knew how to take advantage of me, I was betrayed by that same love.

And that pain marked me so much that I, the Present Self, had unconsciously kept this stuck in the depths of my psyche. To such an extent that I couldn’t feel enough to deserve to receive such deep love from someone else, let alone welcome my husband’s.

Thankfully, he was completely open and welcoming about it, asking me questions about what happened, then giving me his sincerest hug when I was struggling to speak even more. The very reason I could sit with her and talk to her without breaking myself or losing control over my volatile emotions.

In that moment, in his arms, I felt relieved that somehow I could finally tell myself, ‘Yeah, this chain is over. My husband knows and understands your pain. It’s time to heal this, my dear 18-year-old Self. You can relax now.’

“Why are you smiling? You look annoying when you do that.” Her razor-sharp tone snapped my senses back to reality.

“Have you forgiven him?” I asked, only to get an antagonizing stare, as if I was at gunpoint. “No? So you don’t think you can do that?”

For a while, studying every corner of her face in thickening silence, I hadn’t realized that my fear—the same fear I was looking at—made me build strong walls around my husband, whom I was supposed to love without bars and be vulnerable with.

“How can you forgive someone who broke your heart a thousand pieces?” Her voice roared, like her tears dampening her cheeks.

My lips stretched wider, squeezing my eyes, as I took the cup of cold coffee and emptied it. “Because you can.” ♥️

Author’s Note:

Here’s what I realized after writing this interesting entry.

Our personal myths, the stories we tell ourselves about who we are and where we’re going, profoundly shape our inner landscape. The way we deliver those stories inwardly, regardless of the drama, can tell how deep this cut could be. Even if you think that a simple puppy love couldn’t bring tragedy to someone’s love life, yes.

This means that, as living souls, it’s our task to examine our inner dialogues, perceptions, reactions, thoughts, feelings, etc., big and small, at three levels (conscious, subconscious, and unconscious) to ensure our spirits remain balanced, and we keep moving forward with power.

How can we find our purpose and expose our true magical superpowers if our hearts remain stricken with heartache, if we keep holding onto things that kept us small and dimmed?

How can we truly receive true love if we unconsciously block it with the excuse that we only receive conditional love at home, while building strong emotional fortresses to avoid the pain that comes with it?

Say we’re in love. How can we truly love someone if we aren’t willing to become a fool, if we keep holding the secrets this person deserves to know? Why do we keep lying to save ourselves and our fragile egos?

If we’re willing to embrace the Aquarian ideals, especially in this Valentine’s season, we are tasked to love everyone unconditionally, to offer true service through genuine care without staining it with our rose-colored ego (i.e., to improve our image, to save ourselves, to gain advantage, to feel like we’re winning, etc.)

Above all, to build a strong, soulful community that brings conscious souls forward to the New Earth they deserve, no matter what.

In my case, it means acknowledging how two different men made a mark on my life, how a reckless ‘I love you’ could destroy a young heart, while understanding how the same ‘I love you’ has shaped me into who I am now.

My conscious brain thought I’ve already purged what was beneath me, such as anger towards the people who caused me harm, despite the genuine intentions I gave.

Yet, deep inside, my unconscious brain has been sneaking into my involuntary system, telling them BS about the problems I once thought were childish, and my intense feelings were once rebuked and ostracized.

As a result, my conscious brain might’ve falsely believed that my body had moved on from the pain of yesterday until I decided to tell my husband everything. I hadn’t felt the need to recall memories from this archive, knowing it was a painful episode in my life.

It was the first time I revisited this dark chapter after a decade of skipping it, with the intention of letting it go from my system, allowing the intense cringe, anger, and disappointment to mix together in my gut and on my tongue for the first time in years.

I’m in my 30s now, but in that moment, I felt like I was 18 once again.

“Have you tried reaching out to him?” he asked, curious, and was content with a quick, repressed ‘Yes’ from me. “And then? Did he reply?”

“No. Never.”

“Well, he has reasons. Maybe you broke his heart, too.”

“I don’t know. Maybe. I would never know if I did unless he says so.”

To think that this was my first ‘I love you’ story, and I got traumatized by it, speaking about it with my husband was surreal. Totally unexpected. Especially after more than 10 years of marriage.

Indeed, Rod Stewart was right: ‘The first cut is the deepest.’ Deep enough to convince my Old Self she didn’t deserve to receive love at all. The woman who was always hypervigilant, noting her husband’s movements like a suspicious hawk. I hadn’t known it was me projecting my fears onto him all these years.

At the same time, it was the same love that gave me the strength to fall in love again, to a man who listened and never gave up on me, who always believed in my craziness, who taught me how to see my painful life from a different perspective. Dankeschön, mein Mann. Ich liebe dich. ♥️

Now, I’m healing it. I’m letting the heartache go, along with it the hope of rekindling a lost friendship. Even if I won’t hear a sincere apology from the man who cowardly broke my heart into a thousand pieces for the first time, I’ve forgiven him.

Because for me, I hated what he’d done, but I didn’t hate the person.

Upon doing so, I wish him well wherever he is now and pray that he will achieve the best life he has ever dreamed of, without hard feelings or anything like that. 👏

“The key is to allow the other person to be exactly who they are, to express themselves in a way that feels true and authentic to them. It’s not about shaping them into our ideal, but about honoring their individuality.
After all, we each carry our own unique upbringing, experiences, and worldview. Respecting and valuing someone else’s journey is essential. We’d want the same in return.”
—Excerpt, ‘What Emotionally Mature Love Actually Looks Like’ by Anna Drabik, Published on October 23, 2025

Here’s a song I wrote (co-written with Celeste, AI) and produced, dedicated to letting this chapter go:

If you reached this point in my lengthy reflection, thank you so much for taking the time to read it. If this story resonates with you, please share your thoughts and feelings in the comments below. Or reply to this email if you receive this via your registered email address.

I love you. Take care of yourself. See you in the next one. Tschüßieee! ❤️

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‘Strokes of Desire #1’ by M. Gaspary

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‘Holland, My Heart’ by Jennifer J. Coldwater

You know that stress inventory you can take? You get one point each for a long list of disastrous life events?

Let’s just say I have lost count. In the last year alone I’ve lost my husband (and his brother), sold our home, moved across the country, quietly quit my job, watched my closest friend-slash-sister-in-law move out of the country, and… well, I guess that’s it. Could be worse, right?

So, here I am. My name is Holland Gallagher, and I'm a twenty-seven-year-old MBA with no job and a broken heart.

Which, of course, is when my best friend-slash-mother-in-law Naomi introduces me to her oldest and dearest friend, Kai Ipu. He’s the empirically attractive Black-slash-Samoan CEO of a corporate consulting firm (think a started-in-his-dorm-room company with an eye to making corporations better citizens of the world).

But I’m a mess, and he’s significantly older than I am.

So, I don’t have to worry about that, right? You’d think. He just invited me to join his company. I’m never one to turn down a challenge… so, here goes everything.

‘Bad Bunny’ by AJ Mullican

Before Bunnyluv69. Before Club Viper. Before the Burrow.

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You may think you’re the baddest…but Bad Bunny will make you think twice.

‘Zeus and Iliad’ by Muge Direr

Iliad and Nyx’s paths collide on a storm-lashed day, when thunder cracks the sky and Nyx, aboard his yacht, is forced to seek shelter on Iliad’s secluded island. They have always believed themselves ordinary… But fate will soon prove otherwise. The tempest at sea is nothing compared to the storm about to consume them both.

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‘The Stark Divide’ by J. Scott Coatsworth

Some stories are epic.

The Earth is in a state of collapse, with wars breaking out over resources and an environment pushed to the edge by human greed.

Three living generation ships have been built with a combination of genetic mastery, artificial intelligence, technology, and raw materials harvested from the asteroid belt.

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‘Winning His Vote’ by Casey Morales

From Bestselling MM romance author Casey Morales comes a good, old-fashioned, cat-and-mouse love story with lovable characters and hysterically snarky humor.

David is a cocky Congressman who hired Joe to dig up dirt on his opponent. When these two clash, the campaign trail gets steamy!

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‘Vane’s Prey’ by Elara Voss

VANE’S PREY is the first book in the Vane Trilogy—a dark psychological romance featuring an obsessive anti-hero, childhood obsession revealed, and the slow unraveling of a decades-long hunt. Elara’s captivity continues in VANE: CAPTURED.

Tropes:

Stalker Who Knows Everything
Childhood Connection (Unrevealed)
Craftsmanship as Obsession
Captivity Romance
Touch Her and Die
Morally Black Hero

Content Warnings: Stalking, captivity, attempted sexual assault (by secondary character), explicit sexual content, psychological manipulation, and a morally grey anti-hero who believes he’s protecting what he’s claimed.

‘Southern Riders’ (Scars Book 1) by Robin Edwards

Danger has a way of dragging you exactly where you shouldn’t go.

He’s all confidence, scars, and trouble wrapped in leather.
And he isn’t the boy she remembers.
He’s the biker who could ruin everything.

If you love dark, suspense-filled biker romance with heat, heart, and a hero worth risking everything for, dive in now.

Thanks for reading Writer Warriors! This post is public so feel free to share it.

2025 Hangover: How to Build Momentum This Year Without Burnout [Capricorn Full Moon]

Mecyll Gaspary — Sat, 17 Jan 2026 02:00:35 GMT

2026 looks promising as this year’s Fire Horse brings passion to everything it touches. Be it your grand career plans or dedicated spiritual practice. It doesn’t matter. Its energy is felt, and it’s undeniably growing each day since the first day of January.

According to Jeff Goins, a bestselling author I followed since the dawn of my writing career, in his Substack article, “wanting is what makes a human life move.” And it’s apparent everywhere.

Since I have a Sagittarius Sun, that means I should be gearing up my hoofs with my keen eyes on the race. Right?

Anyway, I could see it on the Substack feed or on social media, feeling the anticipation of receiving miracles and abundance as people slowly build plans and list goals for this year, with high hopes of achieving them with glory. Many search for connections, scouring newsletters and skimming profiles behind the palatable words on the screen at a fast pace.

Sadly, no. I feel none of that. It’s still winter. I can’t help feeling the season’s melancholy. 😓

But that doesn’t mean I am not driven to reach my goals. Heck, yeah, I am! Rather, I feel like I have my foot on the ice-cold water, the other one on the ground, like the Temperance card in tarot—pounded with pending tasks from last year. 💪

With this in mind, I want to make sure I do things differently this time. Definitely not at the cost of myself, just as it did in the past, throwing myself on the bin for the sake of being productive and feeling good after ticking boxes, as if ticking boxes were my only lifelines.

“Remembering the times [sic] when I quit as a teacher and succeeded as a writer is something I couldn’t imagine at all. I grew up thinking I could be a successful person once I studied hard and got good grades. But it wasn’t the case for me.
I graduated in 2013 with ‘almost’ flying colors. Like I only needed 0.22 of my QPI to become a Cum Laude. When I found out about it, I couldn’t understand how I should feel.
Should I be happy because I don’t have to face thousands of students looking at me as I walk up to the stage to receive the award? Or should I bury myself because I failed to give my parents the award they want me to achieve… at the last stage of my academic life?
… I know [$50] isn’t that much. Yet, receiving my first $50 was big enough to prove to my parents that there’s something online. It’s proof that I could earn money without leaving the house, enough proof to never return to my previous job and collapse in front of my students again.
I may collapse in front of my PC after working for a long duration, at least nobody could witness it, embarrassing myself. I’m not saying this is a good thing. For me, this is my way to keep my solitude, including the negative consequences of my actions, even with good intentions.”
—Excerpt, ‘Just Because You Quit The Job You Like…’ published on Medium dated February 29, 2020

Having learned these tough lessons the hard way, I made a radical decision, even if it meant doing something uncomfortable. I stopped the toxic nostalgia for the old times: the extremely hardworking me, the burnt-out.

I paused. I slowed down. I stopped.

As a result, I find myself at a sacred pause, still feeling like a sack of needles was pulled out of my chest after running through the finish line with numbed, noodling legs after hundreds of kilometers in life’s triathlon.

WATCH: Leaving Brennet Series

At times, I wake up still feeling sluggish, seemingly uncaring about my goals for the day, and delaying tasks for the week. All I want to do is sleep and eat at night, sleep and eat during the day. Sometimes, I feel like an alien in this world, wondering why I didn’t have the motivation to get out of bed and speed dial up, just as I did without missing a day.

It’s not because of depression or something like that. My body simply begs me to pause and sleep, although I’ve been slowing down in the last six months because of pregnancy. It seems like my body wants to slow me down more than I am used to, as it tries to make up for the lost time after years of hard work, just plain hard work.

No fun. No play.

I stopped the toxic nostalgia for the old times: the extremely hardworking me, the burnt-out.

Despite the urge to rise and do something to please myself, I couldn’t. Perhaps this is my soul’s call to stop whatever I was doing and focus within.

And I respect that need. In fact, I’ve been learning to see pause from a different lens, glorifying it as God’s gift in today’s rush and the need to produce.

It’s my way of telling my body, my sacred human vessel, ‘It’s okay to do nothing. Nothing’s going to turn crazy while you sleep. After all, you’ve done so much work. You deserve rest.’

WATCH: Slow Down. You’re Not Falling Behind. Trust Me.

This brings me to my New Year’s reflection. On the third of January, to be exact. I wrote in my journal the small “aha” moments, integrating my tarot and oracle reading practice in introspection. My favorite part of my journaling and shadow work. 🙂

With the Moon and the Pine Tree cards on the table, this gives me a watery (Cancer, Pisces, Scorpio) and earthy (Taurus, Virgo, Capricorn) feeling, which tells me to keep the balance of dedication to work hard to achieve results and the value of rest, recharge, and rejuvenation.

This explains why. Water and Earth. Intuition with a dose of practicality. Emotions working with logic. The combination is a stark reminder of the Qi that resides within all of us. A soul, an energy of the human spirit, embodied in a complex physical, biological vessel.

To protect it, we must value the Yin and Yang. Action and rest. Give and receive. The holy dichotomy, the divine polarity. Just like nature that respects the lunar cycles and the seasons each year. ☯️

We work too hard, we push too hard, sometimes way too hard, to the point that we forget to look at the sunshine keeping us warm and cozy…

But we, human beings, want to control things, wanting to bend things to our will, thinking we know better; while the rest of the plant and animal kingdoms respect hibernation, we keep going, though we’re obviously struggling to move a finger.

Instead of running to our beds to recover, we would rather take whatever we could find on the market to sustain the demand. They say health is wealth, but we often prioritize wealth over health.

We work too hard, we push too hard, sometimes way too hard, to the point that we forget to look at the sunshine keeping us warm and cozy, and to appreciate the birds up in the sky and the flowers waving their leaves in the gardens. We forget to breathe deeply and sigh out the disappointments and fears stuck in the depths of our lungs.

Assuming constant stimulation is productivity, we ignore the value of boredom and cannot see life in the nothingness. We forget that, in the stillness of winter, things move forward toward consequences, even without seeing them in our physical reality.

As spiritual beings, we are convinced that there is emptiness in nothingness, and resting is a crime. Yet, Mother Gaia tells us otherwise, as there is movement in the unseen, in the void. Nothing rests in a standstill, good and bad. The molten lava continues to churn underneath the stable ground, like the tides underneath the caves.

The same goes for karma and the energy that lives and breathes within us. Our feelings and thoughts continue to ebb and flow throughout every single moment of the day.

But what do we do when they rise? We bend laws. We stretch morals. We suppress ourselves by keeping ourselves busy, thinking our emotions are BS. When they run low, we seek drugs and escapism to fill the stingy void and skip the heartache instead of taking action to resolve the pain. We do our best to avoid the unavoidable: accountability.

“In the stillness of your presence, you can feel your own formless and timeless reality as the unmanifested life that animates your physical form. You can then feel the same life deep within every other human and every other creature. You look beyond the veil of form and separation. This is the realization of oneness.”
—Eckhart Tolle, Excerpt, ‘The Power of Now’

If we keep moving forward exhausted, almost losing control of ourselves, losing sight of our long-term plans, what results could we expect from this type of hard work? Excellence?

If we pursue excellence in our fields this way, aren’t we different from those who enslaved millions to carry tons of stones on their backs for a narcissistic pharaoh? At that time, the slaves had no choice. But now? We have. Still, we do nothing and turn a blind eye to self-injustice.

Why don’t we seek ways to do our thing at an optimum state of mind, body, and spirit? Why do we keep pushing away the idea of spiritual health, assuming it doesn’t fit in today’s AI age, when being spiritual is integral to keeping us alive? As the AI becomes more sentient, why do we, human beings, become robots?

It doesn’t make any sense at all. 😕

Nothing rests in a standstill, good and bad. The molten lava continues to churn underneath the stable ground, like the tides underneath the caves.

Look. I grew up with two Capricorn parents, so I can admit to you that, at times, this toxic culture sneaks into my conscious brain, unknowingly speeding priorities to the point that I keep going despite the obvious need to rest. Until now, I could still feel their influence despite the time and distance we’re apart.

I learned early on that hard work brings food to the table, that if one of my parents lost a job or if I were a sloppy, irresponsible eldest daughter, it would be a nightmare for the family. The pressure to be perfect was high.

READ: Let Me Be Honest With You (My childhood story)

In my young, naive mind, I understood the value of their absence: that every minute they spent away from me was a cent more in their income. More money meant being able to afford a complete three-day meal. It means they could feed my sister and me and pay for our school fees.

From grade school to university, I promised myself I could manage things on my own, that I could send myself to school with little to no help from my parents. I was convinced that if I figured out a way to finish my studies that way, I could spend more time with them to make up for the time lost.

Despite the bullies around, this was the mindset I held close to my heart, despite the meaningful distractions that came my way. In my mind, I wasn’t meant to fail, even if people weren’t welcoming to such a strong drive, and becoming a failure simply because of a day off wasn’t forgivable.

In my head, exhaustion meant laziness. And I wasn’t a goddamn lazy woman (fueled by a strong Saturn and Scorpio Stellium in my system).

Yet, as I look back with an adult mind, I’ve been asking myself, does it have to be like that? Does being a hard worker mean self-sabotage and destruction? Is it right for my daughter to see her mother in the same fashion as I did in the past? Should she experience the same fate simply because her mother thought it was fair?

If my parents argued, what they did in the past was love; does that kind of love have to require me to suffer from emotional distance for years, to abuse myself with work just as they did, at the cost of losing time and connection with my baby?

Was success meant to stay medicated with supplements to stay on top of the game? If not, my world would turn upside down.

Was my Old Self meant to suffer like that for the sake of gaining access to what others take for granted? Was true love meant to be earned, like medals and diplomas, not given because they were my family?

That’s not what I want for myself and my Baby Zoe, and neither do you and your children. Your next in line doesn’t deserve any of this, nor do they have to learn that your absence because of a career is love, and that true love needs a ton of work. This toxic generational culture between families and the ‘Self’ must stop.

If so, what can you do about it? If you can’t even help yourself now, what else?

Don’t you think it’s time to rethink how we do things to ensure that we’re building a better home for our families, a New Earth for mankind? Don’t you think it’s time to be honest with ourselves and ask why we keep repeating the same toxicity, knowing we’re drying out our cells for a goal?

Sure, you want to keep showing up and produce more for the sake of proving yourself. You’re determined and serious with your work. No doubt about that.

But at what cost? Tell me.

Your life is meant to be lived, not only for a goal. You exist because you’re meant to, not because of what you can do for others. You’re alive, like the beasts in the wild, so you’ll get tired, too.

Therefore, you can’t expect a good hunt without sleep. We can’t expect excellence with failing bodies. Our ancestors knew that best.

“What changes do you long to make, even if they could mean that you lose it all? Does this excite you or terrify you? Perhaps a little of both?”
—Jeff Goins, ‘What Do You Want?’

The truth is, it’s easier said than done, isn’t it?

Because change is terrifying. Period.

I understand that. I knew what it felt like to pursue ‘Self’ after years of serving ‘Others.’ With Mars in Cancer, I sure was tiptoeing around change, let alone accepting that those painful circumstances were meant to happen. To see these changes unfolding right before my eyes was damn uncomfortable. But I had no choice. I had to go with the flow and see where it could go.

Is it right for my daughter to see her mother in the same fashion as I did in the past? Should she experience the same fate simply because her mother thought it was fair?

Even when I’m married, more than eleven thousand kilometers away from my home, I’m aware that this generational programming has kept me in bondage to such an extent that I only saw death as an option to escape this inescapable chase. My ego wanted to spare me the fear of failure.

It’s a deep-seated childhood wound, which I’m still healing from as an adult, hoping that someday, there will be a day for me to rest without guilt, shame, and anger—angry at myself for being unable, unproductive in the eyes of many.

Despite the toxic comfort, I had to let this go, allowing the Yin to come into play.

Had I not done that, none of these wondrous things would’ve been possible. Maybe I wouldn’t have felt proud to have seen myself screaming at the limits physically, emotionally, spiritually, psychologically, name it. Yet still managed to smile, laugh, and reflect on those moments I overcame, keeping true love intact.

WATCH: Living with CPTSD as a Writer

With the Temperance card in my mind’s eye, I consider this pause as a love language between my soul and my physical body. Not the way around. It’s a gentle reminder that balance is needed to keep building this momentum this year without burning myself out in the process.

As the card says, highlighting balance and moderation, I’m not giving up on myself despite the discomfort of Yin (after years of constant Yang). Seriously, I’ve never thought resting could be so uncomfortable until I’ve been forced to live with it day by day. 😣

I know and believe that my wounded inner warrior is a strong little girl whose gentle, sensitive heart is as strong as a stone that held Saint Galgano’s sword for centuries.

Strong enough to confront and befriend her demons. Determined enough to release a series of ethereal works, such as ‘Strokes of Desire #1,’ which all came from the shadows.

“For me, it’s not just a written novel… but an anecdote of my healing and years of shadow work. I consider it a confession, revealing parts of me that I’ve kept hidden for most of my life.”
—Excerpt from my latest article

That’s why I don’t want you to berate yourself for hibernating during the first three months of 2026. There’s nothing wrong with you when you choose to detach from everything you’ve been working on, assuming that things should begin in January when the new year actually starts in spring (around March).

Regardless of what other people think and say and do about your decisions, whichever they would be, you don’t have to judge yourself for refusing to do the work. Just because you refuse doesn’t mean you no longer like it.

You still do. It’s just that your Higher Self is calling you to prioritize pause more than anything else; to allow your Spirit Team, the Universe, God, the Creator to move things around and do magical wonders on your behalf.

Again, don’t be an a-hole. This is your body’s call to stop and let nature do its thing. Your pause is a message, reminding you to look back at how far you’ve come. It’s your Higher Self’s ultimatum after sending you a series of notices, but you often ignore it. Arghhh! 😡

Your vessel won’t be screaming for it if you have done the sacred pause, or if you noticed how much you’ve gone through in the last twelve months. Like me, you’re still having the 2025 hangover after an unending tagay (a Filipino cheer similar to ‘Prost’ in German or ‘Cheers’ when drinking) with your issues and problems overcome in 2025.

If you’re in it, it’s okay.

Give yourself the time to reflect on what you went through and celebrate every win and loss you gained. Because in every win, you remind yourself you deserve it; in every loss, you learn a lesson that will be etched in your heart. Something you’ll cherish for the rest of your life. Isn’t that a gift in itself?

Just as I do right now, as I’m writing this heartfelt piece.

“Here’s what the baby taught me. A lesson, a shadow I learned about myself. I feel guilty when I’m at rest. I feel guilty when I please myself. I feel ashamed when I demand even the basics of needs. Although it didn’t make logical sense, these feelings were real. And they could quickly turn my sunny day into a storm.”
—Excerpt from my article, ‘Becoming a Mother a 32 as an Author’

Always remember this. The oracle cards, the Moon and the Pine Tree, tell us there’s nothing wrong with listening to ourselves, to our intuitive nudges as they come. When we’re tired, resting, just like working, is part of the art and process of reaching our dreams, too. Remember the Yin and Yang? Hang in there! 💪

I love you. So, puhhh-lease, take good care of yourself. If you can, schedule a weekend to sleep for as long as your body needs without an alarm. Eat right. Move your body. Sing and dance your heart out!

The world needs you to be happy, healthy, grounded, and present, as in here. Right here, right now. Okay?

I know you’re a dreamer and a great visionary. But learn to focus on yourself and to love yourself better than ever. Practice self-care and make it a habit. It’s not selfish to do that.

Why? How can you truly love someone if you don’t even know how to love yourself? You can’t pour into someone’s cup if yours is empty. You can’t continue offering your unique gifts, no matter how glorious they are, if you are bound by toxicity.

No one wants your poison, even if it were repacked in a gold-plated tetra pack sealed in a velvet bag. Nobody deserves the shadows of your love. No. You can do better than that.

Let’s heal together. See you in the next one. Tschüßieee! ♥️

P.S.: Get a copy of ‘Letters for Your Soul,’ an 800-page yearly undated reflection journal, which is only available in paperback on Amazon.

P.S.S.: Download your FREE soul writing exercises here if you haven’t already. I personally designed them for myself, but later realized it’s worth sharing through this community.

Check out these fantastic books & support independent authors:

‘Strokes of Desire #1’ by M. Gaspary

‘Every Day I Loved You’ by Robin Edwards

They were best friends for years… but loving him was never supposed to mean risking it all.

After being dumped and fired in California, she heads home thinking her life has bottomed out — until she walks into her old world and runs straight into him.

Liam … the guy with the easy smile, the guitar always in hand, the friend she never expected to want more.

Only now?

He’s not the Liam she used to know. He’s confident, driven, and — suddenly — irresistible.

What was once laughter over late-night takeout becomes lingering looks and unspoken tension that doesn’t feel so innocent anymore.

But love between best friends isn’t that simple.

Can they cross the line from cozy friendship to something deeper?

Can the guy she always leaned on become the one she leans into?

Every Day I Loved You is a heartfelt friends-to-lovers romance about:

✔ years of shared memories
✔ unspoken feelings finally coming to light
✔ second chances with the one who always knew you best
✔ laughter, longing, and love that sneaks up on you

If you love swoony friends-to-lovers, emotional slow-burn heat, and real connection with a happily-ever-after you can feel in your bones, then this romantic journey is your next cozy read.

Download your 32 journal prompts here

Become the Version of You that Feels Right [Sagittarius New Moon]

Mecyll Gaspary — Sat, 22 Nov 2025 02:00:35 GMT

This Sagittarius New Moon, I’m inviting you to reflect with me by remembering the essence of this lunar phase. Ruled by Jupiter, it encourages us to ask ourselves how we can expand our spirits and prepare our vessel, our human body, to receive God, the Universe, the Creator, and all the miracles, blessings, and abundance He generously offers us in big and small ways. 🥳

We go to the church and often pray for a miracle to resolve our inescapable problems. We memorize the hymns and sing a thousand praises in chorus with the strangers, whom we call our brothers and sisters. We are devoted to our tithes and rituals, not missing a Sunday for fancy dress and malling—I mean, for a mass to exclaim our deepest desire for mercy and grace.

Yet, the moment we leave and return to our homes, we’re back to the old life, to the old ‘Self’ we love to ignore. We become the monsters we don’t like; we turn to our old ways of thinking and feeling in the face of uncontrollable situations, holding onto grudges over mistakes that happened ages ago.

The mental cage I used to find comfort with brought our marriage into the tunnel, challenged in myriad ways, unknowingly creating distance between us.

If this is how it is, how can we grow and expand as people when we keep bringing all this emotional baggage, like a backpack full of stones? It’s as if we’re born to carry all the weight of the past, when we’re supposed to live meaningful lives right here, right now, with free will.

How can we welcome luck and abundance when our minds are narrow, our hearts too closed to receive? When our eyes are set on a goal, when our brains are trained to follow strict rules, how can we see a thousand possibilities with utmost flexibility, waiting to be discovered right at our fingertips?

You see, the holy dichotomy of life, keeping the balance between the two sides of everything and anything. The same dichotomy that runs through the veins of the vast Universe, which has been revered and respected through the millennia, until we figured out the god and the genius in us, and somehow we forgot about it.

Even when we discovered our gifts, we became cynical and skeptical of what was obvious, fearing the woo-woo: the hoodoo and the voodoo.

“Whatever I have right now, how will I turn chaos into luck, powerlessness into inspiration, hunger into creation, poverty into abundance?”
—Excerpt from my journal entry dated November 17, 2025, 10:18 AM

Now, take a look at the Venn diagram below, which depicts the two sacred boundaries that define you and the world around you. One circle on the right shows the ‘Self,’ and on the other side, you have the ‘Others.’ In the middle of the diagram, you see a different shade that shows the balance.

The ‘Self’ is the area we can control, such as our thoughts, feelings, reactions, and impulses. On the other hand, the ‘Others’ include people’s opinions, thoughts, feelings, reactions, and impulses towards us.

For this article, I want us to focus on the ‘Self,’ where Jupiter (or Zeus in Greek mythology), the sky god and the supreme ruler of the pantheon, is calling us to expand and be ready to welcome God’s generosity with open arms and healed hearts this incoming Sagittarius New Moon.

READ: ‘Self’ vs. ‘Others’: 2 Sacred Boundaries Between You & the World

In my YouTube video titled ‘Self-introspection,’ I discussed the four classical elements of nature that maintain balance: earth, water, fire, and air. Although we don’t use them for philosophical and medical purposes today, we’re part of nature and always will. So, it’s non-explanatory to say that we, too, have these elements working together to form our decisions and develop a sense of purpose in this lifetime.

Besides, our ancestors used them as integral parts that comprise all the qualities of the Universe and human nature until the Scientific Revolution in the 1600s, when science became the forefront of everything.

4 classical elements of nature

Earth: Associated with the solid, substantial, and physical aspects of life
Water: Represented fluidity, emotions, and empathy
Air: Linked to the mind, intellect, and inspiration
Fire: Connected to energy, passion, and transformation

The question now is, why should we care? Why should you care? 🤷‍♀️

First, it gives us “landmarks” to look to when we begin soul-searching, making it easier to define what truly sparks us and what we value beyond conformity and capitalist influence, and what we truly don’t.

Second, it allows us to study the parts of ourselves we love and want to improve. For instance, in my case, I learned that despite being a Sagittarian, I have a lot of water and air in my system. This means that, though on the surface, I’m always ready for action, willing to sprint my way to my goals, like a horse would.

However, the strong influence of the Aquarian sense of self and the Scorpio Stellium make this horse susceptible to rigidity and intense emotional roller coaster rides, respectively.

With this in mind, it makes me more self-aware of how I actually live my life, based on the conscious, subconscious, and unconscious decisions I make in every moment. So, I don’t end up like Clay, the talented surgeon and the leading character of my upcoming LGBT romance novel, who planned his Christmas break for Liz, only to end up spending his entire time with a man in a private villa.

“If you feel like exploring deeper and knowing yourself better, it’s best to do it with consciousness. If not, you’ll wake up then regret ‘cause you aren’t aware of what you’re doing.”
—Excerpt, Chapter 9, ‘Strokes of Desire #1’

My conscious brain (Sagittarius Sun) may know that it’s time to take action and run errands to please my unwavering scientist (Aquarian Rising). Still, my subconscious and unconscious selves (Scorpio Moon) demand creative self-expression.

If none of this were manifested properly for whatever reasons, circumstantial or not, imagine the explosion it could create and the potential damage I could bring to someone’s life simply because I was pissed off and wasn’t aware of what I do and say; that I was too self-absorbed and prideful to accept the value of healthy diversity and constructive criticism in my work.

“You were not born to be everyone’s favorite. You were born to be real. To make choices that shake the room, to create ripples in stagnant waters, to live a life that feels true even if nobody claps for it.”
—M. Gaspary on ‘Self-introspection’

Understanding the Archer’s bull’s eye

Jupiter rules Sagittarius, and Jupiter is the supreme god of the sky. In popular literature, he is known as Thor and is depicted holding the lightning and the thunderbolt. If you’ve seen the blockbuster films starring Chris Hemsworth, you know what kind of strength we’re dealing with.

Imagine that same strength when used for destruction. 😱

The polarity between the two forces—Sagitarius’s thirst for adventure and Scorpio’s demand for depth—pushes me to create a defined line, a spiritual fence, to ensure that they work together in harmony instead of against each other. It’s like trying to tame a hungry pitbull with one hand while easing the wild lion with the other after a good fight.

But how, you ask? How can you ensure your natural state is in balance and find your most default ‘Self,’ especially in today’s time?

It doesn’t take much to figure out the first step. All you need is your willingness to acknowledge what is actually happening in front of you and how you’re actually feeling inside, regardless of the issue, big or small.

For example, in my case, I noticed that I tend to be melancholic as soon as I’m physiologically challenged, easily swayed to mood swings. It’s a struggle to stay centered, which leads to impulsivity and irrational aggression towards my loved ones.

So, I asked myself, why? 🤔

After journaling, I figured out that this is due to a deep-seated childhood trauma and a distorted view of life. An unconscious helplessness I learned from the adults around me, when I was still developing my own sense of morality and collective consciousness.

READ: When Giving Up Becomes a Habit: Breaking the Spell of Learned Helplessness

It wasn’t a problem until I got married to a lovely Cancerian man, who reminded me of what my reckless words and actions could do to his mushy heart. For years, I was unaware of how my wordy attacks did to his ego. Instead of compromising and understanding his ways, I was too arrogant to even look at his side of the story. Too full of myself to reconsider, thinking it would bruise my ego if I were to do it.

Self-preservation mode turned on. Walls fortified, bridges burned. Emotional lockdown. Hide.

For years, I wasn’t aware how I was operating from this space. The mental cage I used to find comfort with brought our marriage into the tunnel, challenged in myriad ways, unknowingly creating distance between us. Deep down, I knew I tended to be a workaholic, but I wasn’t willing to free up my time for him. Because deadlines mattered. Ticking boxes was a drug I couldn’t resist. Nonstop.

Unlike me, he was more of a keeper. A man who would rather keep their feelings and thoughts within themselves than blurt out BS. The kind who cared more about the yellow butterfly flying above the construction worker’s head than the loud masculine action itself, silently watching its wings as it reached the far distance with a shy smile on his face.

Result? Distance. Dread. Almost-divorce.

“What happened to us?” I asked him with my fingers threaded, trying so hard to swallow my tears. We used to be so in love, now we’re so apart.

“I don’t know,” he replied with deep sadness in his voice, dipping his face on the tiled floor. His hands on the back of his head, sighing his disappointment out of his mouth.

Then, there was a long pause. None of us spoke for the next couple of minutes. We just sat on the couch, speechless with our absent-minded eyes at a far distance, not knowing where this rocky relationship could go.

Looking back, I realized a lot about myself and the value of balancing my Sagittarius and Aquarius (masculine energies) and my Scorpio (feminine energy). Without them, I wouldn’t know how to find the right tools to heal this part of myself.

If I hadn’t done the work, I wouldn’t have found the courage to speak to you about this with honesty and peace in my heart. This article wouldn’t have been written without tears in my eyes, bawling my soul’s cries.

Now, it’s your turn. 👊

WATCH: How Writing Saved Me

Think about your friends and family, who spend hours over-consuming content on the internet while forgetting you exist and the things that truly matter to them. Look back at the times when you felt compelled to work harder and longer when your body begged for sleep, assuming this would make you feel better.

Then, ask yourself now. How do you feel? Do you feel balanced? Peaceful? Calm? Or not? When was the last time you laughed so hard you’re in tears? When was the last time you read or wrote something out of play, pleasure, and fun, not for content?

Write your feelings and thoughts about these questions in your journal with honesty (or you can purchase my ‘Letters for Your Soul Reflective Journal’ on Amazon).

“It’s time to see our lives from a different perspective, from a higher place, just as God wants us to be. To live with love, peace, and harmony within our bodies, hearts, and souls. To let go of what’s holding us back to move forward to wherever we want to go.”
—Excerpt from ‘Focus on What You Can Control, Leave the Rest’

In line with Jupiter’s spirit, this is the moment for us to exercise brutal honesty within ourselves through asking the most difficult questions we’ve been trying to hide and avoid at all costs. That is, if we want to grow and expand as a person, a living soul who is meant to leave a mark in this world. 🙏

Download your FREE Journal Prompts

If you don’t know where and how to start, I’ve prepared a PDF guide for you with 32 journal prompts, organized by theme, to help you explore your ‘Self’ and bleed Jupiter’s energy in your pages.

If you’d like to give it a try, you can download and print the pages yourself. No sign-up needed.

I want to share this video with you while you journal and learn more about how I do my self-introspection and balance the four classical elements of nature in my daily life. Take the ones that resonate with you, leave the rest.

Since it’s also Black Friday and my birthday, I’m inviting you to get all my books, planners, and journals at a whopping 75% discount in my Etsy shop, which I recently reopened after months of closure. 🎉

Use the promo code BLACKFRIDAY2025 at checkout. (Limited time offer until November 23, 23:59 CET)

Click the button below to visit my online shop and download the 5-star worksheets I use for my writing (both for fiction and nonfiction) and journaling.

Visit my Etsy shop here

If the button doesn’t work, click here.

Thank you so much for spending your time with me, reflecting on this wondrous, jovial spirit of Sagittarius. I wish you would find reasons to smile and laugh at your shortcomings today and for the rest of your life, even in the direst of situations.

To prepare for the New Earth, I hope you will finally recognize the value of keeping your vessel ready to experience magic by learning to let go of the weight of the taunting past and to welcome abundance into your life with an open heart and unwavering trust in God, the Creator, the Universe.

On behalf of my Spirit Team, I want to say I love you from the depths of my heart. Take care of yourself, just as I love and care for myself, my baby, my husband, and my loved ones, too.

Questions? Concerns? Want to say hi? Sure! Let’s keep in touch. You can hit me with a reply or simply leave a like and comment on this article through the Substack app. Thank you so much. Tschüßieee!!! ♥️

Check out more books from independent authors and support their creative work. :)

‘Asterius & Thesius: Walk Into the Light’ by Aaron Fown

In the heroic age, man lives under the shadow of imperial ambitions, both past and present. The perfect gods reign openly, and none dare question their motives, in fear of their wrath. Seeking power, Minos, an empire of man, has built a temple to the perfect darkness and seeks to use it for an unspeakable purpose. The tiny fishing city of Athens suffers under the gaze of its eye and mourns the cost of its bloody sacrifice. But the goddess Athena has a plan to save her city from their fate, and she has the means to execute it.

Is there a way out of the Labyrinth, besides the shaded path of death? Can love solve the puzzle of the mythos and give the most surprising hero the chance he needs to save the people he loves? Can our heroes, with the love in their hearts and their lights in their hands, set the stage for a miraculous musical to invert the plans of the darkness, on a long chance and a song?

Yes! Love has found a way. Love has a plan. It only seems like no plan at all.

‘Zyneth and the Black Spire’ by Kia Leep

Searching for a lost relic in the ruins of the Black Spire, Zyneth puts his rogue abilities to the test by evading - and slaying - whatever undead creatures come his way.

Taking place before the events of the book Glass Kanin, this short story highlights an adventure of the favorite side character, Zyneth, and provides insight into what he was up to before encountering our intrepid hero.

‘Unbound’ by C. G. Macington

Jesse Miller has spent his entire life holding hateful protest signs outside the places his church condemns. Then he is forced to walk into a gay bar, and everything changes.

Adrian Costas shouldn’t care about the gorgeous protester who stumbled into his world. But when his friends dare him to shake Jesse’s faith, Adrian can’t resist the challenge. What starts as a game becomes something real when Jesse begins questioning everything he’s been taught.

Their Constitutional Law class forces them together, and Jesse discovers a dangerous truth: the world he’s been taught to hate might be exactly where he belongs.

A story about found family, forbidden love, overcoming hate, and the courage it takes to finally be yourself.

‘Spells and Hexes’ by N. R. Hairston

The royal court of Lillion has been kidnapped and unjustly put in prison. When I break the hexes to release them, four of the most lethal witches alive escape.

It’s up to me and my boyfriend Tix to find them and stop their murderous rampage. Now, they’ve turned their sights on us. Will either of us be able to survive their deadly assault?

‘Strokes of Desire (Cult of Eros #1)’ by M. Gaspary

In a world where passion meets danger, love becomes a double-edged sword. Irresistible yet perilous, a blessing and a curse. Clay, a brilliant surgeon, fell in love with Valon, an enigmatic painter. As the fire between them blazes hotter with every stolen moment, their affair pulls more hearts into the storm.

In M. Gaspary’s first installment of the Cult of Eros series, the story introduces five lives intertwined in a complex web of passion, art, and deceit. Each character harbors haunting secrets that could either bind or tear them apart. As the collision of their hearts becomes inevitable, no one emerges unscathed.

WATCH: How I’m Healing Childhood Trauma Through Writing

Thanks for reading Writer Warriors! This post is public so feel free to share it.

Focus on What You Can Control, Leave the Rest: In-Depth Reflection on Scorpio Full Moon 🌝

Mecyll Gaspary — Sat, 08 Nov 2025 02:00:46 GMT

Under the blessing of the ever-transformative Scorpio Full Moon, first, there are two things on my mind. When it comes to this zodiac sign, it’s about ‘death’ and ‘transformation.’ Whether one intensely builds or passionately destroys their world and their loved ones, it’s their call. Their decision.

Why? 😲

‘Cause nobody can tell them what to do and how to do it, as they’re fixed signs (like Aquarius, Leo, and Taurus), let alone stop them from whatever they want to achieve in their lives. Good or bad. As most astrologers know, the only way to stop a Scorpio is death. Nothing else.

When they want something, they’ll get it no matter what it takes, even if it takes years. At times, this can go out of hand to the point that they become fixated on their goal, even if it means breaking people’s hearts and shattering fragile egos. It’s the sign of extremes, as Joanna Woolfolk described it.

And there’s nothing we can do to change that. If you did try, it’s like you’re trying to change the natural flow of the Marianas Trench, based on however you want it to be. It’s impossible.

“You do nothing by half-measures. Magnetic, emotional, capable of exerting tremendous force, your strength is hidden in the depths.”
—Excerpt from ‘The Only Astrology Book You’ll Ever Need,’ p. 44

What’s the point, you ask? 🤔

Even if you’re not a Scorpio, all of us have Scorpio somewhere in our charts. Take a look at your unique codes using this FREE astrological chart calculator. You will see a chart containing your unique codes, the ones you brought with you when you came down to Earth.

These include your planets with their corresponding Houses and positions. You will see that even if you’re a Sagittarius person (like me), you might have planets in Scorpio, including other orbital placements, such as Lilith and Chiron. (I never knew I had a Scorpio Stellium until a few years ago when I discovered this tool.)

That means all of us are susceptible to loving control in various degrees and forms. Self-control and controlling others are, regardless, forms of control, depending on how you see it.

LEARN MORE: ‘Self’ vs ‘Others', 2 Sacred Boundaries Between You & the World

We control things based on our judgment regarding efficiency and the limiting beliefs and traumatic experiences we have harbored over time. The level of control varies, from beneficial to destructive, just as a Scorpio person’s karma is.

For example, my deceased maternal grandfather, a Piscean man, had Mars in Scorpio. That meant his tangible actions and spoken words—the ones that caused ripple effects in his 3D world—were so controlled that he eventually succumbed to its darkness. And that same darkness swallowed him whole.

The intense self-preservation led him to his inability to exercise what an actual Piscean man can do if only he allowed himself to be free. At least, within a brief moment, like when he could’ve spared an hour for painting or writing to save his soul.

If he chose not to control his daughters when he was alive, say, if he only listened to what his heart and soul had tried to tell him, not his prejudices and biases, maybe my mother would’ve had a different life. The rest of my aunties would’ve achieved more than what they had.

We control things based on our judgment regarding efficiency and the limiting beliefs and traumatic experiences we have harbored over time.

For instance, his secret hatred of Japan (as a former guerrilla) led him to try to block my mother’s efforts to travel long distances and experience a different life as an aspiring kabuki dancer, disregarding her dreams and aspirations to be an artist and performer. The successive attempts somehow reached her to such an extent that she chose to discard that dream and forget that it ever existed.

The same thing happened to her two elder sisters. The eldest couldn’t pursue college because of his limiting belief, thinking that pursuing a bachelor’s degree was too ambitious and wasn’t for the poor. Because she was a woman, he doubted whether getting a day job at a bakery for tuition fees and traveling that far for a dream were sensible.

The second eldest couldn’t become a nurse because of the same reason, so she had to rebel against him and become the bad B to achieve something. Later, she chose to be a social worker and endured being away from family for a fleeting dream.

The youngest? She lived her life as a shadow artist who never found a place for her art, but subconsciously brought that same art to my sister and me, influencing our childhood in the process. She introduced me to novels of various lengths and thicknesses, as well as movies, including classics and Studio Ghibli films. She also taught me how to bind my own books when my parents couldn’t afford new notebooks for the upcoming school year. Art is living within her, yet she’s a classic example of a shadow artist.

Do you see what I see?

Four lives, four souls, he successfully boxed in his cage, thinking, this was the only safe place on Earth. As a result, chaos. Period. The same chaos permeated the next of kin, among their children and relatives. The youngest aunt refused to get married and have children of her own, out of fear of repeating the same mistake that her elder sisters had made. 😖

Now, I’m asking myself, does it have to be like that? If I, as a Scorpio Stellium person, were in his shoes, would I emulate what he’d done? Would I allow my trauma to hinder my children’s lofty goals and box them within my perimeters, simply because I couldn’t find sense in their fairy tales, wanting to control things for the sake of it?

You see, the power of the Scorpio energy can drive someone mad, even as dreamy and peaceful as Pisces. The moment it touches you, its intense concoction will drive you wild, making you feel jealous, possessive, and cunning all at once.

It’s time to see our lives from a different perspective, from a higher place, just as God wants us to be.

Even if you’re as grounded as a Capricorn, when Scorpio lives in your mind (Mercury in Scorpio), it makes you sarcastically witty, dissatisfied with shallow-level information and conversations. You’ll always have the thirst to investigate and the passion to find out more than you know and what else is there to learn, what was skipped and untold, while disregarding pain and danger.

If Scorpio is manifested in your motivations and actions (Mars in Scorpio), you’ll behave and decide like any Scorpio person would. In my case, I have a Scorpio Moon, which means I can smile and laugh with you, but you will never know what’s in my heart, because the moon represents the unseen: my emotions, feelings, subconscious, unconscious, and conscious motivations; my dreams, visions, secrets, motives, and so on.

Suppose I were unhealthy, given that I have a Scorpio Stellium (having a gang of planets working hand-in-hand under Scorpio, meaning an exaggerated manifestation of Plutonic energy). In that case, it’s easy for me to bring the destructive power of Scorpio to the 3D world, just as I almost destroyed my marriage, my family, and myself.

“There is an almost uncontrollable power, will, and passion in an individual with a Scorpio Stellium. So much so that it may be hard to get a handle on, and others may also fear it… Weaker people will/may try to hurt you for no reason, simply because your energy makes them fear you.”
—Excerpt from a Tumblr post, ‘Effects of a Scorpio Stellium’ by @blacksunscorpio

This outcome is precisely why I decided to alchemize my pain into something beautiful and magical as an attempt to draw my inner demons toward a positive goal while letting go of the same pain that propelled me to where I am now. 🤗

Instead of swallowing the bitter strength of urgency to control my ‘Self’ and ‘Others’ for the sake of keeping things safe and comfortable, I use the same energy to draw out my inner child’s undiscovered strengths, to explore the unknown and the unseen, and to relearn the forgotten childhood goals, which I know will make me truly happy.

Instead of trying to control, I let them be as they are, despite disparity and differences, to allow myself to be in the discomfort of not knowing a damn thing. Because they say, the best plan is when you don’t know anything at all. And the best time to do it is when you’re not ready.

Honestly, I don’t want to take life too seriously. If my plan fails, I can laugh at the mistakes, then try again with corrected actions. If it succeeds, I can laugh at it, too, with sheer joy, saying, ‘Dang, I can just laugh at the times when I tested my Scorpio to the limits. 😂’

Why? It’s time to see our lives from a different perspective, from a higher place, just as God wants us to be. To live with love, peace, and harmony within our bodies, hearts, minds, and souls. To let go of what’s holding us back to move forward to wherever we want to go.

It’s time for true love to flourish and heal the world through expansive collective consciousness.

It’s time to say goodbye to old, toxic beliefs that convince us we are never enough and that we are not powerful enough to change our realities for the best.

As a result of this mind shift, I’ve written novels, nonfiction books, novellas, short stories, and essays, talking about the very things I’m passionate about. Self-healing. None of these would’ve been possible if I hadn’t listened to my grandfather, who showed me these lessons in my dreams and visions.

To date, despite the impossibility and magnitude of the work, I continue to write my stories and utilize shadow work to bring their power and make an impact on the world and on you because this is how I heal.

To heal is to reveal. ✍️

In my unpublished essay, I wrote, “Every story I publish is proof that I refused to stay silent and continue to reveal the untold. To change the trajectory of my life and the lives of those next in line. To wake up and to love again unconditionally.”

True. As a Scorpio Stellium, I feel the weight of my responsibility to walk the talk. I can’t just write nonsense. As a soul, I can’t allow the toxicity my grandfather and the rest of the Elders have unconsciously spread in our family. Sure, he, like the rest of us, was imperfect, and it’s not my job to blame him. The past has passed and will remain in the past.

These words? I’m speaking them out loud out of love, not out of resentment.

However, it is my responsibility to find a stop to toxic control and strike a balance between having control and not having control. It’s a small effort for a life-changing change within my perimeters and outside for my baby and my baby’s future baby.

Simple things like this work a lot because simplicity makes it easier to repeat. No fluff, no blabla. For example, if things don’t go my way, I have to remind myself it’s okay. If I am heartbroken, it’s okay to cry, then move on. No revenge, no self-preservation, no stalking, no vindication. Just forgiveness and love. ❤️

For me, it’s time to shift our mindset towards control and let go of the intense need to box our expansive minds and creative hearts because of the taunting past. Our dear ancestors wouldn’t have wished us to remain stuck in pain and unable for the rest of our lives. Rather, they would have pushed us to wander to discover our truest selves and fall in love with life once again.

A healthy control is necessary, just as we need valves for pipes and brakes for vehicles to control pressure and prevent accidents, which can harm innocent people. However, we don’t necessarily add more valves and more breaks to prevent the same pressure just because we doubt the mechanics.

A car needs only one brake; a pipe needs one valve. Not two, five, or ten. Imagine ten breaks for a car (when you only have two breaks if you’re in a driving school). 😂

“It can be the most difficult thing to do, but love conquers fear and love conquers hate, and this love that you choose will give you strength, and it’s our greatest power.”
—Katy Perry, one of the few notable celebrities with a Scorpio Stellium

Similarly, we can’t keep controlling every single thing and person in our lives, adding more pressure to the already screaming pot. We must learn to trust in the unseen and the unknown and believe in ourselves, allowing nature to unfold in our plans, both in small and significant endeavors.

We want to protect our hard work, which is why we take control of things, because we love them, and it hurts a lot when we lose them. We try our best to keep our egos safe because we know we couldn’t handle the pain. But if we do it too much for the sake of false comfort and emotional safety, we’re pushing away the very outcomes we want to earn and receive. Because…

Too much control leads to bitterness, resulting in anarchy, the destruction of societies and families, rather than keeping them safe and strong.

Too much control will push your children to rebel against you and elope with an unknown boy-/girlfriend elsewhere, hoping it will be enough to piss you off.

Too much control will lead your family astray and prevent you from living happily because of unexpressed resentments and disappointments.

Too much control at home can hinder your true potential and your children’s biggest aspirations due to generational fear and a lack of mentality.

Too much control will only lead you to the very thing you don’t want to have for dinner: to live and die alone, in the dark without love.

Is that what you want? Is this the kind of retirement story you wish to have? 🤔

No, right?

We try our best to keep our egos safe because we know we couldn’t handle the pain.

Do you understand what I’m trying to say? If so, let me know your thoughts and feelings about this message. I know this has been a long and heavy one, but I am keeping the pure essence of this Scorpio Full Moon because there’s nothing light-hearted and dreamy about this energy.

It’s intense, even for me as I’m writing this, that’s why I understand why astrology says working with a Scorpio energy is either destructive or transformative. No in-betweens or grey zones. Anyway, let me know if it resonates with you. 🌛

On that note, this brings us to my short story called ‘Gilded Cage,’ which I wrote after my husband and I discussed the possibility of divorce. A great example of how I swallowed my heartbreak and turned its feisty energy to fuel my creative soul to write about it instead of striking out with my Scorpionic stinger at him for the sake of feeling good.

I love him. There’s no way I would do anything to hurt him in any way, let alone break his heart because of my ego. As a result, this story was born.

To my surprise, it has brought me happy tears rather than succumbing to ego and wrecking my marriage. My husband later realized the mistake, and now we’re working to mend the bond and strengthen our partnership. Because of it, we learned more about each other, leading to a better relationship and home (despite the clutter. Still working on that, too!) 😅

If that isn’t enough proof of healing our marriage and our individual selves, God has blessed us with a baby, who is soon to arrive around March next year. Out of all the people in the world, this young soul chose me to be the mother. I am honored to be the chosen one. Thank you, Baby! 🤗

With that, I feel blessed and grateful to have had this experience and the opportunity to transform my heartaches into beautiful stories that you can enjoy, learn from, and be inspired by. Each comment I receive makes me smile. Your thoughts warm my heart.

Thank you soooo much for taking the time to spend time with me and for supporting my soul work. On behalf of my Spirit Team, I want to say I love you, and puh-lease take care of yourself and your inner child always. I’ll see you at the next one. Tschußieeee! 🤗

Vote 'Gilded Cage' on Reedsy

Check out more books from independent authors and support their creative work. :)

‘Quest to Valadin’ by Nicole Herron

Social anxiety and childhood isolation drew Alanna to a career in the library, where she could live vicariously through the book characters neatly organized on the shelves and ignore her feelings of loneliness. Books don’t judge or see how defective she feels.

Joining Quest Therapy at the suggestion of her therapist feels like a huge mistake. Pretending to be someone else in a room full of strangers who have issues of their own seems futile. But as they learn to work as a team in the quest, Alanna begins to see the possibility that letting others into her real life might not be such a fantasy after all.

‘63 Days Later’ by Adrienne Wilder

63 Days later takes place after the novel WILD. This can be read as a standalone story.
However, it might be more enjoyable if you read WILD first.

Trigger Warning: Christmas music, trees, presents, and all-around holiday cheer.

It’s been almost two years since Keegan and August escaped the Alaskan wilderness, and they finally get to celebrate their very first Christmas together.

But their plans of peace and quiet get turned upside down when Santa leaves more than just presents under the tree.

‘Deus Ex Umbra’ by Jonesy Elise

(Expected book release: November 14, 2025)

A hero is just a bad guy who hasn’t succumbed to temptation… yet.

In Shadowhaven, the crime-fighting team of the Silver Spirit, the Patron Saint, and the city’s greatest detective strikes fear into sinners with righteous wrath.

Underneath the masks, however, their desires are laid bare. Marisol—the Silver Spirit—harbors feelings for the man she once mistook as the Patron Saint, testing her loyalty. He, in turn, battles his demons, resisting the love he feels for his best friend. And the true Patron Saint offers his spirit, his heart, and submits to her every whim.

“Kneel. Watch. Be a good boy…
…promise to find me when I am lost.”

‘The Stormrider’s Flight’ by Vicky Poulin

Taz has spent three years proving she’s more than just a Guild reject with grease under her fingernails. Aboard the merchant skyship *Stormrider*, she keeps thirty souls aloft with nothing but spare parts, stubborn determination, and engineering solutions that would make her former instructors weep.

But when sabotage leaves their ship crippled and drifting toward the nightmare storm known as the Rift, Taz discovers that one of her own crewmates has been planning their destruction all along. With pirates swarming the deck and the ship’s heart torn apart by betrayal, she has minutes to choose between following the rules that expelled her—or unleashing the forbidden prototype hidden in her quarters.

‘The Crown and The Collar’ by Dominic Ashen

He never saw himself as very special.

Peter has lived on a farm all his life. He loves nothing more than helping his parents tend to their fields and animals. Still, sometimes life in Weston can be a little too quiet; he can’t help but wonder what else is out there. Imagine his surprise when the crown prince of Litkalaa comes knocking and makes him an offer he can’t refuse: wear his collar and become the next royal consort.

Prince Makseka Blackclaw is used to getting everything he wants, which is why he doesn’t get why everyone is making such a big deal about his offer to Peter. He just wants to take the cute boy back to the castle, where he’ll be pampered, well-fed, and maybe they’ll have some fun together too. Sadly, it may take more than a few mistakes to help him see how misguided some of his actions are, even if he means well.

‘Crimson’ by Casey Morales

(Silver Medal winner in the 2024 Bookfest Awards Competition)

Will Shaw and his friends are typical college students, enjoying dances and parties without much care for life beyond.

When Thomas, a handsome Naval officer and newly arrived student, nearly stumbles into Will and his friends, Will’s heart spins, though he doesn’t understand why. Sparks of something new burst within, opening his eyes to possibilities he’d never dreamed.

In the giddy fog of a forbidden courtship and the safety of the campus bubble, the world’s troubles seem far away.

Until they aren’t. German tanks roll through Europe, while Japan attacks Pearl Harbor. There’s no safe place left to hide. Compelled to do their part, young people enlist in record numbers.

Will and his friends join the queue. But instead of a bus headed to basic training, Will is thrust into the world of shadows and secrets.

‘The Stark Divide’ by J. Scott Coatsworth

The Earth is in a state of collapse, with wars breaking out over resources and an environment pushed to the edge by human greed.

Three living generation ships have been built with a combination of genetic mastery, artificial intelligence, technology, and raw materials harvested from the asteroid belt. This is the story of one of them—43 Ariadne, or Forever, as her inhabitants call her—a living world that carries the remaining hopes of humanity, and the three generations of scientists, engineers, and explorers working to colonize her.

From her humble beginnings as a seedling saved from disaster to the start of her journey across the void of space toward a new home for the human race, The Stark Divide tells the tales of the world, the people who made her, and the few who will become something altogether beyond human.

Humankind has just taken its first step toward the stars.

Thanks for reading Writer Warriors! This post is public so feel free to share it.

‘Self’ vs ‘Others’: 2 Sacred Boundaries Between You and the World [Libra Full Moon]

Mecyll Gaspary — Sat, 11 Oct 2025 01:01:08 GMT

Only when you draw the line between you and other people will you have the space you need to do what truly means to you. A lesson most of us take for granted simply because we’re so busy. Way too busy thinking of the silly things, so indulged in pleasuring ‘Self’ at the risk of ‘Others.’ In some cases, we offer ourselves to ‘Others’ ways too much that we become a doormat.

A challenge most Librans I know struggle with. They uphold partnerships to such an extent that they’re willing to compromise themselves for harmony, resulting in indecisiveness and an inability to achieve authentic, intentional living and experience the true love, peace, and harmony they crave.

The number of unhealthy Librans in my life motivated me to write about this simply because I love them. I love them enough to dedicate an article to them, like my mother, my Mother Hen, a Capricorn Sun, Libra Moon, and my late aunt, Mama Angging, a Libra Sun, Aquarius Moon, who loves people and community. Neither could stand being alone (unlike me and my sister, with Scorpio Moons, who love to indulge in solitude).

Yet, their seemingly shallow and airy approach to life has always made me curious, not in a way that I want to emulate them. But as real-life examples of what I shouldn’t do in my life. Their lives are marred by mishaps due to a fear of taking healthy risks and irrational resistance to drawing a sense of independence within themselves.

Just as we suppress our flaws, our vulnerability, our inner demons, the bad things about us, thinking they’re meant to remain hidden out of fear of shame. Well, in fact, they exist to teach us lessons, to remind us of who we truly are.

My aunt passed away for the same reason after suffering from mental breakdowns after losing two children and was married to a toxic relationship. Although she couldn’t tolerate difficult situations, she was unable to confront the real issues within her family. Like her, her children (mostly Libras) run away or shrug it off, as if everything’s fine, though it’s clearly not.

This toxic dynamic within generations of my family is the very reason why I’m sharing this reflective insight with you as we welcome the Libra Full Moon this month of October. Ruled by Venus, a planet of beauty, its energy means embracing the power of equilibrium and beauty in partnerships, just like the Yin and Yang.

However, it doesn’t mean we have too much of anything. It reminds us to maintain balance and peace in both our inner and outer worlds. Its feminine energy promotes fairness to everyone, fostering happiness and joy in our relationships with ‘Self’ and ‘Others.’

It also enables us to resolve even the most challenging issues with tact and diplomacy, without resorting to toxic force or Machiavellian manipulation.

The question is, can we actually do that?

Can we find peace in our chaotic daily lives, cruising roads where everyone seems to be angrier each day? Can we achieve equilibrium when distractions lie in our fingertips, a second away, in the blink of an eye?

Can we learn to accept defeat without seeking revenge and forgive shortcomings without resentment? Can we achieve true love, peace, and harmony just as any Libra would love to have, without domineering or bullying people?

Yes. We’re humans, after all. And because we’re biological species, we love. For love of God, we built the pyramids once and survived the last cataclysm that could’ve wiped us out on Earth. For family, we certainly can gather the strength to overcome all odds and provide for our children.

Because of love, we will want to restore what needs to be repaired.

Because we are stronger than we think we are.

Because we are humans, we love deeply.

In every moment, in every second, in every little and big thing you do, there will always be two sides of you playing out in the field. The adult you, which most people see, and the (wounded) inner child, who’s living inside your vessel (your human body).

Your body wears your conscious and unconscious habits, mannerisms, and, of course, your chaos. As a human being, nobody’s perfect, which means there will always be both good and bad. The beautiful and the ugly.

Both must exist. Neither can be denied.

For instance, a beautiful lady could be Mary Magdalene. Both loved and hated; a bitch and a saint. That hottie, like Marie Antoinette? Her mighty beauty won’t exist if there’s no ugly duckling around.

Only if we learn to accept the dualities, what I call the ‘holy dichotomy,’ do we free ourselves from this mental prison of compartmentalization. That subconscious tendency to limit our points of view to one thing alone, while dismissing the other.

“I don’t wish for a very long life, but as long as I’m alive, I want to be beautiful every single day.”
— Barbie Hsu’s Weibo post on death, Taiwanese actress with polarizing fans, also loved and hated by many (Libra Sun, Pisces Moon)

The problem is we’re hypocrites in some way. We love to send good photos on social media while deleting the shameful ones. We couldn’t even swallow the fact that we love passionately under the mask of stoic coldness and numbness. We love being praised, yet we resent the critics at the same time.

For Filipinos, we love being social and being the star of the show while trying to pull our friends, who become rising stars, down. We can be hard-working locally and abroad, but we can also be complainers and fricking slackers. We can be prudent during the day, then turn into a wild beast at night.

It’s normal to have both sides of the coin. But we couldn’t admit to that.

I find it funny because, for me, there are always two forces playing out in the field 24/7. I know that when I do and say something, my understanding of it is different from how others perceive it. They may notice details I miss about myself, and that’s completely fine, even if it’s constructive criticism.

When you have a healthy relationship with ‘Self’ and ‘Others,’ you tend to be self-assured and know what you need and want without feeling guilty for not being able to please everyone. You start to prioritize yourself.

However, most of us find it hard to accept the existing dualities within ourselves. Just as we struggle to draw the line between ‘Self’ and ‘Others,’ which constitute the two sacred boundaries between us and the world.

We couldn’t accept that there are always two versions of us: the one we know (what the ‘Self’ knows) and what others see in us (what ‘Others’ see and learn). And there will always be a control zone (under ‘Self’) and a ‘none of your business’ zone (under ‘Others’).

You don’t feel ashamed to admit the Truths about yourself, but instead, you accept them as part of you. Not because you don’t have self-respect. It’s the opposite.

Now, you have a strong and clear understanding of how to uphold your beliefs and respect diverse opinions without being rude or resorting to screaming to feel powerful. You won’t feel guilty when you ask people to leave so you can have your sacred alone time.

In our democratic world, you don’t have to raise your voice to prove a point or point a gun at someone to get what you want. You simply have to know how to ask the right questions; you’ll have the correct answers to make it through.

The problem is, most of us aren’t doing that. We’re too emotionally aggressive to keep our heads cool. Too intolerant of diversity, totally inflexible towards life’s surprises. We cling to what we know, while letting go of uncertain opportunities that could’ve made us happier and healthier.

We couldn’t blame ourselves because, as children, we’re programmed to shut ourselves down, to hide our novel-ish commentaries about family reunions to be liked by our parents, to avoid their punishments. We’re pressured to dream of something big, which doesn’t resonate with us.

If that wasn’t enough for spiritual damage, they made us believe that our true powers only rely on Big Brother up in heaven, and that He needed a thousand prayers with pre-defined instructions and a pair of raw knees to lend an ear.

As we grow up, we are convinced that we’re too small, too sinful, even to acknowledge that we, too, have some magical powers to turn karmic waste into gold; that we actually have everything we need to change our lives for the best, only if we take the time to look at them.

Because our souls are holy, my soul is divine, and so are you. Your childhood dreams and visions are there, not to scare or confuse you. Your life may be falling apart, not because God hates you. It’s a redirection to where you must go.

Your daydreams and vivid dreams at night exist to prove to you how sacred you are. These are instruments through which God talks to you, to all of us. And it’s time to listen to them and understand what they’re trying to say.

Our religious beliefs and societal idiocracy have led us to believe that we lack the power to change things, to acknowledge the unwanted and unloved parts of ourselves with pride, and to experience life itself without judgment, without trying to trim the untrimmable for the sake of belonging and communal love.

“Who am I to dream obscenely, disgustingly big dreams if I’m poor, if I don’t even have the resources I need to start?” You ask. That’s fear and ego in action, walking hand-in-hand like lovers on the street.

Yet, this Libra Full Moon encourages us both to find the proper equilibrium and return to the inner child that we lost, to ask ourselves whether we like what we have right now or not; if we’re seeking opportunities that expand our spirit and heal for a better future.

Because with healed leaders, we can build a New Earth. With healed parents, we can create a better society because a family is the seed of society. If we start to think bigger and feel that we deserve to love and be loved, to dream big, just like our inner child once did, we can achieve great things and repair the planet after centuries of greed.

“I love with passion and intensity, but I end things with absolute finality. No matter how painful it is, I face my life and relationships with reason… I never allow myself to look back or regret. I have to choose what is right, not what is comfortable.”
—Excerpt from Barbie Hsu’s Weibo post

Nowadays, everyone seems to be increasingly busier and angrier each day, in a furious rush on the road, as though everyone’s fleeing from something, like an incoming tsunami of responsibilities and aftershocks of debts. Overspending, overconsumption, overworking—we’re over-ing our lives too much.

Despite the privilege to snake like a king on luxury highways, their behaviors remained unbelievably scandalous, like untrained peasants who knew nothing about class. They may throw a great deal of money, while ironically showing their barbaric ways, as though civic education was out of their reach.

Imagine the pain of our youth, just as I imagine how my child would feel if my baby were to see me and my husband behaving like children locked in an isolated cabin for years, unable to fix things without traumatizing one another, like wild animals released into the jungle for the first time after years of captivity.

Consider the depths of their concealed sadness underneath their RBFs and passivity, as they watch their world warp into complete distortion and greyness day by day, losing hope that the adults would grow up. Most of us know that their value is heavily tied to social media, and social media is the only world they know.

They would do everything they could to avoid sitting down with the discomfort most of the earlier generations would’ve settled with iron-clad fists and graceful heads up. They simply don’t have the emotional tolerance for discomfort and pain, let alone withstand the pain of delayed gratification.

It’s a contagious disease, I muse.

Road rage, being a ‘Karen’ or ‘Kevin’ in public—name it. You see it on the news and on the feed. Regardless, everyone’s freaking out just because someone was filming in the park, riding a bicycle on the bicycle lane, or somebody was hanging out alone with their car in a public space, whatever.

Even the policing has become outrageously nonsensical in the guise of law enforcement. The justice system has become so stretched that I wonder how much inaction could accomplish in destroying societies, and to what extent they would bend laws for the selected few.

Watching these videos with my husband, I’m asking myself if I’m living on the same Earth as these people. In my eyes, they surely are more privileged than I am. I’ve never been to Louisville, let alone afford the fancy, the shiny, and the glamorous.

I’m content with our 21-year-old car that’s screaming for repairs and regular drive-thrus at McDonald’s as weekly family dates.

If they would simply take the time to embrace the Libra Full Moon and feel its essence—to unwind, pause, slow down, and observe their surroundings while in traffic; to smile and see what’s going on right in front of them or listen to their favorite songs while waiting for their turn, without throwing frustration at the service crew, wouldn’t that make the world a bit easier and the roads safer?

If they simply allow themselves to feel the pain and cry the unshed tears without masking it with pretense, without insulting others to feel good, life would feel a bit freer.

If people know how to value their worth for who they are, rather than for what they can show and contribute to this capitalistic society, they wouldn’t have to compete and feel entitled to think they’re better than everyone else.

If only we could sit down with our pain and resolve the ache in our hearts, it would save us a lot of costs, including those from arrests and luxury goods. Mother Gaia would be pleased. The animal kingdom would be thrilled.

Perhaps women wouldn’t have to demean men under the guise of feminism or visit Louisville and spend $3,000 on a wallet to prove themselves powerful and beautiful.

Men wouldn’t have to grind 24/7 and hustle back-breaking jobs to get this and that amount of money to prove they can provide, to show off how masculine they are when they’re bringers of testosterone and XY chromosomes to form the seed of life. They don’t have to do anything to prove they’re men, because they are.

For the majority of people, young and old, they wouldn’t have to prove their faith to feel worthy of blessings, miracles, and abundance, nor would they take innocent lives to feel important.

If everyone understood their active roles in co-creating with God, the Universe, and the Higher Self, as they should, the world would become a better place —a safer Earth, wouldn’t it?

How? If we, like most Librans I know, couldn’t find a sense of balance between ‘Self’ and ‘Others’ and define a strong sense of boundary? If we can’t even speak out about the apparent injustices, what can we do?

With the influx of AI and robots replacing humans in once saturated job markets, are we proactively building a sustainable world for our loved ones, or are we contributing to its destruction through continuous passivity and conscious ignorance, promoting a sense of inaction and voicelessness in even the most obvious chaos and disharmony?

Help me ponder this issue for the rest of the week as part of my shadow work reflection under the blessing of the Libra Full Moon.

As a Scorpio Moon person, I want to find peace in the noise, beauty in the chaos, balance between our ‘Self’ and ‘Others,’ and to appreciate the dualities of life equally without trying to control and attach to outcomes.

If any part of this article resonated with you, let me know in the comments section below (on the Substack app). If you’ve received this in your email, you can hit reply.

To conclude this brutally honest rant about this interestingly dynamic world, I would like to share a quote from Dan McAdams and a YouTube video that I filmed months ago, which perfectly sums up this article.

I wish you a great day. I love you, and take care. See you at the next one. Tschüssieee! 🙂

“The Self is both the I and the Me—It is the knower, and it is what the knower knows when the knower reflects upon itself. When you look back at yourself, what do you see? When you look inside, what do you find?”
—Excerpt from Dan P. McAdams’ article, ‘Self and Identity,’ Northwestern University

Check out other books from indie authors and support their creative work:

‘The Legend of the Whispering Blade’ by J. Bauer

In the unforgiving Norse lands, Bjorn is celebrated as ‘The Wolf of Thorvald Hall,’ a strategic genius and a formidable fighter. Yet, his greatest battle isn’t on the battlefield, but within: a profound secret he must keep hidden at all costs. When the cunning Bloodaxe clan launches a surprise attack, Bjorn must unleash every ounce of his wit and strength to defend his home. But as his legend grows with each victory, the precarious balance of his hidden truth threatens to shatter.

Uncover the origins of a Viking hero in The Legend of the Whispering Blade, your exclusive free introduction to The Raven & Rose Chronicles. This groundbreaking series reimagines Shakespearean tales with axes and longships, featuring transgender warriors, neurodivergent strategists, and LGBTQ+ lovers. If you crave historical romance with bold twists, action, humor, and profound emotional depth, begin your obsession here.

‘Holland + Aidan: The Heartbreaking Holiday Prequel to Holland, My Heart’ by Jennifer Coldwater

“Tell me about Aidan,” the well-dressed, well-mannered, empathetic man across from me says. His question is like ice water. I don’t exactly gasp, but it’s a sharp inhale. Then, almost as instantly, I relax. This is easy. This I can do. I love to talk about my husband. It hurts, yes. But it’s so much better than feeling numb.

‘The Way That You Move Me’ by Cyd Sidney

A shy horse trainer agrees to help a desperate dancer fool his ex at a Hollywood pool party. Fake dating sure feels real if you’re in the mood!

Thanks for reading Writer Warriors! This post is public so feel free to share it.

8 Key Lessons Virgo New Moons Will Teach You About Yourself

Mecyll Gaspary — Sat, 27 Sep 2025 01:01:00 GMT

On August 23 and September 21, 2025, we had two back-to-back Virgo New Moons. Even though you’ll receive this post on a Waxing Crescent, the message remains strong as we welcome the Libran Full Moon (all about love, peace, and harmony—what we’re supposed to experience 24/7).

For astrologers, this double New Moon is a rare and powerful event because it amplifies the New Moon’s default energy, which invites you to bring out a powerful, fresh start, a new chapter of your life akin to renewing your desire to live a better life.

Essentially, this New Moon encourages you to embody a Virgo person, which means being able to evaluate your life from a rational and practical point of view, to weigh the tasks, options, and other aspects that work and don’t work for you anymore.

This isn’t because they’re better than the rest of the zodiac signs (that’s not the point of writing this post), but rather a lesson to understand how Virgoans navigate this wild, wild world through their unique lens.

(To be fair with all the zodiac signs, I’ll be going through each sign to help you study yourself deeper and decode your own unique strengths and weaknesses, to understand the value of differences, and love the uniqueness of one another.

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Why Study Virgoan Perspective

During my meditation a few weeks ago, my mind’s eye flashed a scene in which I was in a large mansion. There, I stood in the kitchen, cooking dishes to impress a family. Despite the lack of details, at the time, I felt a strong sense of competition for talents and skills, which I assumed were unexplored.

The second scene followed with an emphasis on organization, such as a schedule or service that would alleviate the “noise” and help the “security guard” resolve the disturbance and resume the typical workday.

Lastly, the third dream showed me a rusty red tractor standing idly in the seemingly abandoned barn. The big ones you often see in a farmer’s garage. It was a dry farm, and I was soaked with my sweat underneath the harsh sun. And I had no idea where I was.

According to the story, as told by the Elders, this old tractor was heavily used for generations until recently, when the younger folks moved to the cities and left farming life. I didn’t know the exact details of why this formidable machine stood there for years, untouched and unsold, left to rust away.

The old folks didn’t have a clue. I thought, ‘Why couldn’t they just sell it while it’s usable and use the money for something else?’

So, I asked myself during my waking time, what could I make out of these? So random. So nonsensible.

Yet, as I kept asking myself, I figured out the themes behind the scenes. Instead of looking at each scene literally, I extracted the underlying message, which led me to learn what constitutes a Virgo person and the things they value and pursue.

We’re at a point where no two people, young and old, with two obviously opposing beliefs and Truths, can discuss anything without trying to harm each other for the sake of winning the conversation.

Ruled by Mercury, every Virgoan pays more attention to details than the other zodiac signs. Because in their minds, one must approach life based on facts, not vague ideas or dreamy imagination.

Therefore, one must appreciate the thorough, painstaking work that ensures its perfect execution, much like farming. For them, the beauty lies in the details. And farming is a classic example of detailed green engineering.

Unlike Gemini (their masculine counterpart), also ruled by Mercury, they use their intellect not to seek adventure and mental stimulation but to expand their harvest, such as knowledge, information, and skills, to name a few.

8 Key Lessons to Learn from Virgo New Moon

To learn how to appreciate the boring details and tedious repetitive work
To organize our lives by putting our Piscean dreams into Virgoan action
To appreciate the painful facts for the sake of the Truth
To learn and embrace differences without being disrespectful
To utilize our own unique gifts to nourish the world
To highly regard the value of health and wellness
To build an immaculate home in modern times
To chase our dreams and act on them unapologetically

Appreciating boring details and tedious repetitive work

As a Sagittarius person, I tend to get bored with details, unknowingly neglecting and ignoring the necessary tedious paperwork, for instance. As a result, it’s common to welcome rush and thrill and frantic deadlines, driving my Yang energy to the limits. Sometimes to the point of burnout.

This has been my cycle for most of my life, and I once considered this a normal thing. My sister described me years back as someone who played like a monkey until the last minute. The kind of person who knew how to push the buttons when it was hours before the deadline. I wasn’t the kind who consistently showed up to my work every single day with the best of myself.

However, everything changed when I suddenly received an epiphany: my body gave up, and the work never seemed to stop. They piled up instead. Knowing I had nobody to ask for help, I was forced to sit down, wearing a heavy heart instead of taking inspired action, and then resenting others for it.

It was then that I realized I can’t continue functioning that way if I were to operate from the heart space. I can’t consistently point fingers and push my limits without pauses in between, and the consequences afterward if I were to live longer. This personal culture must change for the better.

Because, indeed, that way of life killed my soul. In my late 20s, I was ready to leave Earth, thinking life didn’t need me anymore, without realizing that I was experiencing burnout in its extremes. I was so convinced that having no concrete plan was equal to being a failure. And I feared failure so much.

“When a strong sense of obligation replaced the strong sense of fun, it didn’t take long before writing felt like a senseless job. In the blink of an eye, I found myself at a crossroads between life and death, stuck in a dilemma. And I couldn’t get out of it. I was trapped.”
Excerpt from my book, ‘Essentialism in Self-Publishing.’

Transforming Piscean dreams into Virgoan action

Studying the Virgo as a sign, along with reflecting on this month’s back-to-back New Moons, will help me organize my life with keen eyes.

One example is the recent revamp of Writer Warriors. This came after I started to come to terms with letting go of my website, which I built in 2018. If I were a Virgo, I would’ve stopped paying for my website years ago when it wasn’t bringing me as much income as it had before. However, it took me years to decide to let it go and make radical cuts.

If I had worn a Virgoan mind, change wouldn’t have been that hard because I knew it was needed. This group of people approaches their life decisions with a rational and practical mindset, without any high-strung emotional temperament. This would help them save costs and allocate more resources to things they value more.

Yet, my emotions, my Scorpionic heart (Scorpio Moon + Mars in Cancer), repelled this decision for years simply because of the attachment I had with my work and the intense fear of letting it go, resulting in expensive consequences.

Embracing painful facts to welcome the absolute Truth

Sure enough, taking action, even when it brings initial discomfort, oddly feels liberating. As much as it’s inviting, as I mentioned, change isn’t my thing, even when it’s necessary.

I take my comfort zone so seriously that I push away opportunities that could’ve helped me grow and know myself deeper through definitive, concrete actions. Sometimes, I avoid situations that bring me discomfort, such as being seen offline and online.

This is why I appreciate the Virgoan way of seeing life and getting things done. Woolfolk described this perfectly in her book, in which she wrote, Virgoans are not the daydreamers, but the day-doers.

“It’s impossible for Virgos to put off until tomorrow what might be done today, or to do later what might be done now.”
Excerpt from ‘The Only Astrology Book You’ll Ever Need: 21st Century Ed.’, Woolfolk, p. 34, Sun Signs)

Although, as a Sagittarius, I value Truth, I struggle to remain faithful to my promise because of the fear of boredom and the pre-cognitive bias towards repetition. In the zodiac, I belong to a group that only knows how to find the fun, then effectively resist and run away from boredom at all costs, even when necessary.

However, unlike Pisces, I’m leaning towards the Yang side of things, which means action and action and action 24/7, like Aries (ruled by Mars), because Pisceans tend to remain in the cloud nine or to believe solely in luck as a form of escapism instead of facing the Truth and taking concrete action to achieve a specific goal.

Learning to embrace differences without being disrespectful

Tact and diplomatic, Virgoans can tell you the absolute facts with grace, unblinking, while ignoring your tantrums and emotional biases at the same time. Like our lovely Librans, they don’t need to scream at you to prove a point. Even if you were screaming at them, you don’t hear them yelling back to feel better.

In today’s time, emotional violence has become a normal sight for most of us. We’re at a point where no two people, young and old, with two obviously opposing beliefs and Truths, can discuss anything without trying to harm each other for the sake of winning the conversation. In its extremes, we take people’s lives to shut them up, thinking they’re justifiable murders.

On the streets, there’s not a single day we don’t hear reports from motorists drowning in road rage. Even if we simply head over to the nearby grocery store, you’ll never know when a Karen-Kevin comes by and ruins your day simply because you didn’t allow her/him to cut through the line or talk to the manager.

Even kids at school, as young as ten, turn to bloodshed to solve issues, killing their teachers and injuring others, assuming it was a way to bring justice; that their bullies, who took their dignity and shackled their fragile egos, were supposed to meet hell because of what they did. Eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, they say.

Utilizing unique gifts to nourish the world

Symbolized by the Virgin with a sheaf of wheat and a rod of Asclepius in her hands, it clearly denotes the high importance of service. This could be the meaning behind the dream of being in a kitchen, cooking for a family. The more I think about it, I realize that cooking is the act of alchemy in itself.

The fact that I stood in the kitchen, not in a living room, meant I was supposed to offer my time daily and understand the value of the ingredients I already had within me. Because you can’t pause a kitchen for a day, otherwise, the household would starve. I couldn’t handle that.

Oddly enough, despite not knowing the family or the menu, I felt safe enough to use anything on the table and create something out of nothing.

This could imply an invitation to discover the unexplored talents and skills I never knew I had lying dormant within my consciousness. And the act of cooking, in itself, is a magical moment where I finally took the courage to hold the ladle, with a decision to face my fears and create a dish that would nourish the people around me.

Similarly, Virgoans value service just like the Virgin with a sheaf of wheat in her hand, which links to their ancient definition as the zodiac sign of harvest. Since it’s a feminine energy (Gemini is masculine), its role is to provide the best service for every person who needs help.

For this group of people, it means to become the best in their field. To learn as much as they can using acute intelligence (based on whatever it is they want to do) and become the person people can trust through their unwavering consistency. They show up for ‘Others’ to such an extent that they set their ‘Self’ aside.

“Virgo people take what has been sown (knowledge, information, skills) and harvest this energy to do something of practical benefit. In the same way, wheat is turned into bread to feed our bodies, you want to utilize the gifts you were born with to nourish the world.”
Woolfolk, p. 35

Highly regard the value of health and true wellness

Linked to their practicality and the intense desire to serve (as symbolized by the rod of Asclepius), Virgoans tend to think highly of health and value true wellness. This means they take care of their vessels, which is the human body, as much as they can through healthy diets and frequent gym visits.

They believe in the pursuit of perfecting their bodies because, for them, only when they feel healthy and great inside and out will they be at ease and confident about themselves. If it’s not perfect, it’s a failure.

For the same reason, however, this obsession with details could often lead to excessive self-consciousness, resulting in unhealthy self-sabotaging behaviors towards addiction to beauty products, plastic surgeries, etc. Some went to drugs and alcohol to mask their inability to accept they are in the wrong; that they are human, too.

You have Michael Jackson (Virgo Sun), Madonna (Virgo Moon), Amy Winehouse (Virgo Sun), and Charlie Sheen (Virgo Sun), who succumbed to their own demons and became prominent because of it. Most Virgo people I know personally believe in the power of medicine as a means to health and longevity rather than faith or both.

Note: This is primarily linked to the unhealthy Virgo tendency to serve everyone with an empty cup, unconsciously trying to be useful for others even at the cost of their lives. Because they’re smarties, they find it hard to believe in faith and work with energies for wellness, like Doctor Clay (the main character of my upcoming LGBT Romance novel, ‘Strokes of Desire #1’).

A slight pang of anger spread evenly across his face. “I don’t pray. My family does. They’re religious. I’m not. I don’t need God when I can save people’s lives with my hands. My patients live because I’m skillful enough to save them. Not prayers.”
“What if it works both ways? Skills and prayers working together?”
He looked at him, studying his face. Whatever he caught prompted him to express a great deal of dissatisfaction. His words sped up as they struck his ears, spilling his most secret beans. “Tell me. Where’s God when people are dying? I’ve seen families praying so hard, hoping their god would listen and save their loved ones, only to turn out badly. They hoped they lived and spent a lot for it, but they ended up dead.”
Something about what he said caught his ear. He couldn’t help but ask. “So, you have patients who ended up dead?”
He tore his gaze, blinking his eyes, as though he hadn’t thought about it. “Thankfully, not yet. But I’ve seen my colleagues crying over the loss of life. I also know someone who took the same life in his hands. That’s why life depends on the doctor’s hands. That’s why I don’t understand why people waste time driving to a church, kissing some filthy ceramic feet in the name of faith, if they could drive to a better hospital and find better doctors? That will save them, not faith.”
Excerpt, ‘Strokes of Desire, Cult of Eros #1,’ Chapter 10, pp. 109-110

If only they operate from the heart space, or at least give their emotions some slack, there’s a higher chance they can unleash the power of nourishing the world through their attractive mind by serving the ‘Self’ first before ‘Others.’

Building an immaculate home in modern times

Meredith, an astrologer and the founder of Soul Navigation, described the Virgoans as the ones who have an immaculate home. Valued for their ability to set priorities and to create order out of confusion, they aren’t just content with the aesthetics of the house, like the Librans or Cancerians.

Instead, they value efficiency to the bone, so they ensure that every single bill that comes in and every expense that comes out of the household is well-accounted for to the decimal point. Unlike the fire signs (Aries, Leo, and Sagittarius), they aren’t into self-indulgence and overpayment.

Regardless of the income you earn every single month, what matters is that every cent counts. Every minute of your 24 hours matters. Nothing goes to waste. This means they’ll keep a passbook regularly checked, or maybe use tabs in Google Sheets, recording everything in a series of columns, as if they were the family accountants.

For me, this is a highly valuable lesson in keeping up with daily demands, especially as a low-income earner. It might seem excessive from the surface, but I realized the importance and became familiar with Google Sheets when I started tracking our household income and expenses.

We don’t have a lot, but we have enough to survive. Yet, instead of complaining about life being hard and having no cash sometimes, why couldn’t we get our asses up and do something concrete and tangible—to make our lives better? Simple things like bookkeeping may be tedious, but they are indeed helpful in keeping track of every cent we spend and earn.

Another way to spend our resources wisely is through decluttering, both physically and digitally, to ensure we don’t overconsume or underuse things. That basically means clearing up space to clear the mind, from uninstalling unused mobile apps to discarding unwanted items in your home. This can also include removing unnecessary subscriptions to save costs.

Because the more things we own, the more thinking we do. The higher the subscription fees, the more expenses they incur. There’s no way for our nervous system to relax and unwind. No way for our (physical and digital) wallets to breathe. However, if we remove or declutter, we allow more space and achieve greater savings. More physical space, mental space, storage space, name it.

Now, more than ever, we need their practical, fact-based thinking to find clarity in the confusion and organize our lives in a way that helps us propel our dreams into reality, rather than embracing self-sabotage to navigate the dynamic demands of life. Truly useful in today’s increasingly angry, confused world.

What I admire about the Virgoans is that they don’t let their emotions or moods get in the way, even when they’re in love or angry or anxious, to make plans and turn them into reality, unlike the water signs (Pisces, Cancer, and Scorpio), who are more susceptible to mood swings and yo-yo decision-making. For example, if they plan to clear up the living room this week, they’ll do it just as their Earth sign cousins would do (Taurus and Capricorn). Nothing could stop them.

If we truly believe in ourselves as valuable assets to anything meaningful in this world, according to Amie McNee, an artist and TEDx speaker, why do we often choose to throw away 10 years of our time and energy and resources to Mark Zuckerberg and other elitist companies if we actually can use the same amount of time and energy and resources for the people and hobbies we love?

“I am moved by art, and the culture is moved by art. We are impacted on a very human level when we consume creations. It is political. You can change the world with your art. Use your creations to seek the change you want in this world. Making art is activism.”
Amie McNee on TEDxManchester, filmed on March 1, 2025

If we could simplify our lives like it was before the internet and AI, we’re building something that lasts. Real memories that will later become real stories we can share with real people, our loved ones, and on our pages.

Why don’t we invest our resources in creating authentic experiences more than losing our lives each day living behind our screens for an illusion, losing track of what’s real, what’s right in front of us: our home, our family, our friends, our community?

Because for me, this is the true meaning of legacy; when your stories (the ones people love to talk about you and the ones you told in verbal and written forms) live longer than you, like the legends and myths that were once breaking news of the ones who passed before us.

Chasing our dreams and acting on them unapologetically (sometimes dangerously)

Known for being the go-getters in the zodiac, no wonder a lot of Virgoans take the center stage when it comes to extreme hard work and extreme lifestyle. As I mentioned earlier, Michael Jackson is one of the most influential Virgos we could think of. We all know how his life turned as fame consumed him.

The same thing happened to Charlie Sheen, who, despite his acute memory and superb acting talent, wasn’t able to escape the dark side of Hollywood. As his fame rose, so did his drug and alcohol addiction, and, of course, women came by his side like they were his type of fun (Mars in Scorpio).

Setting their bad stories aside, we couldn’t deny the obvious talents of these two different Virgoans, from two distinct aspects of the show business. None could shrug off their abilities to chase their dreams despite the apparent impossibility.

And they did it out of will-power and tenacity to succeed, and an intense drive to become stars in their own right. When they had the opportunity, they weren’t just good. They were perfect and beyond expectations. Perfect performance. Perfect lines. Perfect moves. Perfect.

Because, again and again, perfect means success. And success is what they have ever wanted to compensate for something, maybe a void or a sense of emptiness, to feel complete.

What’s in it for you?

You don’t have to be a Virgo to appreciate the value of details and the ability to organize your life, just as I try to apply their principles in my ever-restless Sagittarian ways.

I don’t even highlight their flaws, such as the obsessive need to be perfect, because as a writer, being a perfectionist is my nickname. I understand the restlessness and the urge to remove a flaw, because it once paralyzed me. This is what I am currently healing from through shadow work (like this article you’re reading right now).

I find the Virgoan principles essential for building a concrete legacy for my family, my husband, and my child. As an artist, I aim to refine and hone my craft by presenting tangible results of my hard work through consistent writing and a passion for my chosen path.

This means being able to welcome tedious, repetitive work with open arms and to show up without complaints or running away out of fear. For instance, writing half a million words in total for a novel shouldn’t overwhelm me. Or, being able to meet my loved ones halfway by balancing work and life despite the creative madness.

Sure, Virgos aren’t without imperfections, like the rest of us. The point is we learn to appreciate their points of view and their undeniable gifts as shown in the ways they manifest their love for the world, their valuable knowledge and skills and talents and gifts for humanity’s benefit.

“Lean into the vulnerability, the mess, and the imperfections. People are going to start craving it. Do not ever come to me with the excuse of AI is going to make art. I will sit you down and force you to draw something.
I’m going to appeal to your ego for a minute and just ask you about your legacy. What do you want to leave this world with?”
Amie McNee, in her words, ‘The Case for Making Art When the World is on Fire.’

If you’re still here with me, thank you for reaching this far. And I thank my Spirit Team for showing me these dreams to draw out these lessons and meanings for you and for the permission to share these insights with you. It’s my deepest wish to help you find clarity despite the unclear circumstances.

I’m sending you my hugs and kisses from Germany with love, peace, and harmony with ‘Self’ and ‘Others.’ 🥰

Before you leave…

I invite you to check out the following books from my fellow indie authors:

“Off-Limits Detective Alex: Enemies to Lovers Romance Suspense” by Daisy Grace

Book description:

Working with my ex on a murder case should have never revealed my secret identity….

Mia is a smart, sassy detective and my former flame.

We are like fire and ice, total opposites.

But, as we dig into the investigation, things get hot, and we surprisingly start clicking.

It’s like magnets pulling us together, and we make this silent pact to keep it professional.

But we couldn’t help ourselves and jumped into a secret relationship.

I could see the longing in her eyes, and the shiver she gets when I touch her.

Now we can’t keep our hands off each other.

Things were complicated our first time around, but now I see the potential of something better this time.

Then Mia digs up a lead that flips the whole case on its head, revealing my secret identity as a gangster.

Now, if I can’t make her see the real me, I might end up losing her forever.

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“Tequila Sunset” by L.M. Mountford

Book description:

Tequila Sunset is a standalone, dirty and steamy beach read, an age-gap, forbidden Romance between a tempting and off-limits single father and his daughter’s best friend, trapped together in forced proximity in his holiday villa.

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When Giving Up Becomes a Habit: Breaking the Spell of Learned Helplessness

Mecyll Gaspary — Sat, 12 Oct 2024 10:05:48 GMT

This article had its own journey of rejection and rebirth, much like me. I first wrote it for a publishing platform, but it was rejected. After failing to find the right house for this piece, I shelved it, thinking maybe it wasn’t good enough.

But like most Truths, I decided to publish it on my website (mgaspary.com) last year and later on Substack. Since the website is nulled, I updated the content to improve relevance and consistency. Refined. Renewed.

I used to think self-sabotage was loud. Procrastination, perfectionism, and toxic relationships. But I was wrong. The most dangerous kind is quiet. It lives in the silence between effort and surrender, disguised as acceptance. A more subtle, almost invisible, and so mundane and boring, like ‘I can’t.’

‘I can’t walk outside because so and so…’

‘I can’t start my novel because so and so…’

‘I can’t move forward in life because so and so…’

‘I can’t text [concerned person, friend, family] because I don’t think so and so…’

A simple ‘I can’t’ brought me a lot more damage than I thought, big and small efforts of refusing to take on a challenge simply because I was convinced ‘I can’t.’ It took me thirty years to realize the problem and another three years of shadow work to see my life from the bird’s-eye view, based on it, for what it is: learned helplessness.

Just to have a better understanding of myself as a writer, to know and accept the subjects and characters I create and develop, I must know thy ‘Self.’ That includes working on little, repetitive things to stabilize my emotions and perceptions about the world (a life skill [I needed to learn], damaged by CPTSD).
Excerpt from my journal entry, dated May 22, 2023

A generational self-limiting belief so subtle it convinces you that trying is pointless, that change is impossible, and that you are never meant to win and achieve your biggest dreams in life.

A quieter version of self-abuse, shaping your routines and behaviors based on what you think you can only do (based on your limited imagination and everyone’s boxed expectations).

You don’t even try new things for the sake of adventure, to grow and expose yourself to discomfort, even if it would propel you to the life you want, because it’s pointless. What for, right?

‘Why should I be ambitious when I don’t even have money to feed my family?’

‘Why should I dare to extend more working hours for a fleeting dream?’

‘Why should I do something crazy (but harmless) even if it makes me happy?’

Lines like this pervaded my ears for a while, like a practiced monologue from childhood. I’ve seen this running in my family like a curse, one that seemed to love to stay for the next generations to come. This ‘black blob’ (I call it) has devoured my grandparents and their parents’ parents without any therapy or any escape. My maternal grandfather took his life because of it.

A generational self-limiting belief so subtle it convinces you that trying is pointless, that change is impossible, and that you are never meant to win and achieve your biggest dreams in life.

As a black sheep among the Elders, an outsider among the cousins, I’ve seen this ‘black blob’ blanketing them from head to toe, giving them comfort in the guise of false stability. They strove so hard that they compromised their health for something that doesn’t even resonate with their system at all.

You know, like shadow artists trying to be engineers, talented dancers in local hospitals.

“Whilst everyone I know in person and online can keep up with the demands of their jobs with high spirits, I’ve found myself trapped in a rut, unsure of how to move forward and why.”
—Excerpt from ‘How Expressive Writing Helps You Overcome Trauma and Boosts Overall Well-Being,’ an article published on PsychReg.org (UK)

Underneath their flashy luxury was a life full of sleepless nights, excessive weight gain in a short period, dark circles around their eyes, and a failing body boosted by supplements. Does that look like a happy, healthy person to you?

No. But despite all that, they continue, thinking this is the only way to move forward. We’re adults, right? We should be stable and secure and… what? Help me figure that out.

While I swallowed everyone’s dismay over ‘wrong career decisions,’ I’ve seen their silent cries in their eyes. I noticed it in the way they hold back their emotions when asked, mask their pain with pride, and cling to survival through competition rather than harmonious growth and healthy rivalry.

While I couldn’t afford a pair of pants, they were drowning in material consumption as the best way to show off, to compensate for what they could never have. Self-worth.

If I’d stopped believing in my inner child, in the magic of the unseen, I wouldn’t have produced anything from deep within.

Underneath their smiles were achy eyes, waiting to be seen and acknowledged. Underneath their frowning pride was a broken heart. This was crystal clear, spreading evenly across their cheeks, but they couldn’t admit to that. And they would never be. Even if they were caught or under pressure to tell all, they never would come clean and say, ‘Yeah, that’s true. You got me right, Mecyll.’

Despite seeing these things clearly on their faces—the silent jealousy between siblings, the unspoken resentment among cousins and Titas and Titos, even among friends—during reunions, I stayed quiet. I kept my opinions etched in my heart.

For a long time, I didn’t tell anyone I was studying them, observing them like an eagle to its prey, not because I wanted to dominate or anything like that, but rather out of curiosity. I should’ve taken behavioral psychology in college if I weren’t a scaredy cat. Tsk! 😂

I wanted to understand how they moved through life, and perhaps, in the process, I can understand myself, too. Over time, I started journaling, talking to my inner ‘Chief,’ my unseen companion who held space for my thoughts. Every ugly truth, every painful relationship and realization, every pattern that whispered, ‘I was never good enough.’

This effort isn’t to demean anybody, even though I might still have some resentments towards them. For me, these mental notes about them are resources for my shadow work in its rawest form, and learning to sit with them in my darkness, without judgment, is a hard pill I’ve learned to swallow.

I used to think that not stirring the waters meant keeping the love, peace, and harmony, unknowingly self-sabotaging by staying small, trying to please everyone, or holding back on things, desires, and pleasures to avoid pain.

“We continuously operate our lives through traumatic responses, hiding the fears and wounds in our hearts in creative ways. We embrace perfectionism, fearing that flaws weaken the self-image. We embed procrastination in our lives, fearing the pain we can’t let go of.’
—Excerpt from my article, ‘Let Me Be Honest With You’

You see, I was wrong. I had to learn to stand firm in my Truth, even if it meant rejection and becoming the B. Because I know how it is to heal—the nonlinear process of drawing the unwanted and the hidden parts of me to consciousness.

Through shadow work, I learned how to pick up the pieces of my broken ‘Self’ and do kintsugi on myself, highlighting my cracks with powdered gold, hoping I could re-learn to appreciate my flaws, my mistakes, my imperfections; to value my worth and believe without seeking validation.

As a result, my books are written, my thoughts and feelings are published and read, and my soul-writing prompts are experienced; still counting. You are reading this article because of it, and you are experiencing the outcome of my healing journey.

My soul would never forgive me if I’d chosen the other way. My heart would continue screaming her pleas if I’d failed to see the beauty in my chaos, light in darkness, and inspiration in madness. If I’d stopped believing in my inner child, in the magic of the unseen, I wouldn’t have produced anything from deep within.

Underneath their smiles were achy eyes, waiting to be seen and acknowledged. Underneath their frowning pride was a broken heart.

For me, it begins with a simple honesty, saying, ‘I’m not okay. But I want to understand why.’ That simple shift is a habit that can be life-changing because it pulls you in places you never thought you would if you were to follow your brain.

It’s nerve-wracking, for sure. No doubt. But instead of seeing it from a fearful adult’s eye, why not from a child’s eyes? Do you really have to wait that long before you listen to what’s really true to you? Do you find it bearable to continue ignoring the whisper inside you, the one that says, ‘You’re meant for more?’

The point is to acknowledge your ‘Self’ and speak with honesty. You don’t have to fix everything today. All you need to do is shift that mindset. Simple. Stop believing you’re powerless, that you can never achieve anything in life, especially if you haven’t even tried to take the first step.

Because you’re not weak. You simply have to learn how to believe in yourself and listen to your inner child once again.

“I prefer living my life without having anything or anyone holding me back. ‘Cause I know what I want in life and I deserve the best life I’m born for.”
Valon De Lara, the enigmatic painter (MC of my upcoming novel)

If this weekly reflection resonates with you, I invite you to explore my novel, ‘Strokes of Desire #1,’ the first installment in the Cult of Eros series. A story about art, love, and the shadows that bind us, how healing and desire come at an unexpected moment.

Like this essay. A piece written with my heart and soul on the line, wishing you that you finally dare to face yourself fully and find beauty in your imperfections and lessons in your mistakes.

I love you. So, please take care of yourself. See you at the next one. Tschüßieee! 😽

Check out these fantastic books and support independent authors:

‘The Billionaire’s Bride’ by Tansy Rhodes

I married my emotionally unavailable boss who’s been breaking my heart for ten years.

Ryan Blackwood has proposed three times. I’ve said no three times.

Now he’s asking again with that same calculating stare that makes my pulse race and my resolve crumble.

This time feels different. Dangerous. Desperate.

Perfect for readers craving STEAMY billionaire workplace romance, marriage of convenience, and second-chance love with high-stakes passion and corporate secrets. This standalone romance is Book 2 in The Steamy Boss Romance Series.

‘The Shadow Thief’ by Phoebe Ravencraft

Wren Xavier is running out of time. After discovering a power-hungry baron is building a doomsday machine, the highly trained secret agent is determined to make certain it is never deployed. But now, the twisted noble threatens to use it on his own daughter -- the same woman with whom Wren is in love....

Can she pull off a high-stakes search-and-destroy mission before an evil genius exercises his license to kill?

“The Secret Thief” is the exciting prequel to the Shadows over Alfar fantasy-thriller mashup series. If you like strong women, enchanted worlds, and a touch of sapphic romance, they you’ll love Phoebe Ravencraft’s pulse-pounding page-turner.

‘A Thief’s Magic’ by JS Harker

When a second crew pulls off a heist at the same time, Luke sees an opportunity. Since he can’t complete the original job, he’ll appeal to the powerful magus to help him instead. To do that, he has to gain Clint’s elusive trust. Will he win over the man he meant to rob, or will his charms fail him? Can Clint open his heart, or is it locked away like the treasures in his vault?

A Thief’s Magic is a 33k novella featuring a vampire in over his head, a stoic mage with breakup issues, an impending magical catastrophe, enchanted traps, and a brat/grump pairing with major magnetism.

‘Fallen King’ by AJ Mullican

Tito Mangione rules the city with a bloody fist. Few dare to cross him, and fewer still survive to become examples for the rest.

Weakness? Obliterated. Kindness? Ha! There’s no place for kindness in Tito Mangione’s world. No place for gentleness, no place for compassion.

There’s definitely no place for a gay son.

So what am I to do? I can’t let the Don of Downtown know my true desires. I stand to inherit everything someday, but I don’t want any of it. Not the money, not the family business, not the power.

What I want is Aron.

Download your soul exercise

‘The Rival: Uncensored’ by M. Gaspary

M. Gaspary’s first gay romance novel, “The Rival,” features a love story of two young men filled with passion for music and a twisted desire to love that excites and leaves them breathless... even when it feels wrong.

Could Chen forgive Alex, who had such a tumultuous past? Could Alex be willing to let go of his shame and accept Chen’s unforgettably beautiful love? What will become of our two main characters? Will they be able to have a “normal” love life, or will their trust difficulties take over?

Get it for FREE

The Courage to Begin Again: Finding Purpose Without Shame [Aries New Moon]

Mecyll Gaspary — Mon, 12 Sep 2022 18:00:39 GMT

Photo credits: My husband, Location: Brennet, Wehr, Germany, Date: ca. 2020

Starting over can feel overwhelming, even if you know you’re unhappy with where you are right now. Even when you feel stuck and are aware of the dread, you still keep going through the day, thinking there’s nothing else for you out there anyway.

Why imagine the lofty future possibilities, why the need to dream, why believe in yourself if in your mind, this dread is the right place to be, simply because it’s giving you the comfort you seek. It’s what everyone’s doing, so it must be something worth your while. For you, it’s a place where you belong.

And you can’t give up on that comfort. You think you’re never ready to risk it all to discover wondrous things you could only imagine about yourself. To achieve and experience life when you’re past your comfort zone.

To know the ‘Self’ hiding beneath your ego. The ‘Self’ that’s been ignored for so long and only reveals itself when everything you know about yourself collapses layer by layer, day by day.

“What are you talking about, Mecyll? I know myself. I know what I want,” you say.

As much as you wish to run away from this narrative, deep down, the moment you close your eyes to sleep, the ignored ‘Self’ will whisper to you, filling your head with the truths you repressed.

While you sleep, the unknown battle between your ego and your spirit continues through the night, leaving you waking up the next day drained, as if you’ve been running a triathlon. And you don’t know why because you slept for hours, you argue.

During the day, while you’re distracted from work, its presence remains, clinging onto you. It won’t stop doing so until you finally listen and do something about it. Still, you ignore it because you’re way too busy at work. You don’t have time for that shit.

Little did you know that hours later, as the night dawns, this whisper turns into a scream, and the longer you ignore it, it becomes louder and stronger and won’t leave you alone, especially when you enter your dreamland, holding your hand.

You wonder and ask, “Who the hell is this little whisper? Why can’t he/she just shut up?” You try and try, only to no avail.

Little did you know it’s your wounded inner child, the ignored ‘Self’ seeking your attention, from the first day you threw him/her away for the sake of ‘Others.’

WATCH: ‘Stop Running Away from True Love’

The Ignored ‘Self’

“In every moment, in every second, in every little and big thing you do, there will always be two sides of you playing out in the field. The adult you, which most people see, and the (wounded) inner child, who’s living inside your vessel (human body).”
—Excerpt from the article, ‘Self vs. Others’

Even when you deny its existence in your heart, your body will eventually ask you to lend your ears for a moment and understand what you’re going through.

Because like you, your ignored ‘Self’ isn’t a quitter. It will continue to beg for your mercy until your ears are deafened. When you still keep ignoring it, your system fails and weakens until your ego can no longer control your response.

Oftentimes, this happens when you’re already sick. Sick enough to feel weak, helpless, and lack control.

Or at its worst, when your soul finally gives up on trying to find beauty in life, you succumb to slow spiritual suicide. It’s when you become apathetic and passive to what’s going around you, and distant and disconnected from yourself.

The thing is…

You still won’t start listening even when your life starts to fall apart, even when not knowing exactly why this is happening to you, or blame God for fucking your life up.

While you point fingers at those who have caused it, you’re trying to rationalize, sequencing events in your smarty brain to pinpoint the mistakes that led you to this painful event. No matter how many times you do this, you know that in the end, you will realize you failed.

But there’s one thing you don’t like to face: you.

The ‘You’ you see in the mirror looking back at you.

The same ‘You’ who drives your own life, the leader of your emotions, and definitely the ruler of your thoughts.

So, if you feel miserable with your life right now, there’s only one person to blame.

It’s you, not your parents or whoever.

It’s you.

“If you want to become the change, are you willing to acknowledge both parts of yourself without judgment? Are you open to accepting that you aren’t just what people expect and see on the surface, but you’re more than the person they know—wild and free on the inside?”
—Excerpt from ‘The Rise of the Antichrist & What It Means to You’

When Your Life Collapses, Your Fault.

Admitting to one’s fault is a stone stuck in one’s throat. You can’t bear telling yourself you made the wrong choice and a big mistake, even though it’s human, and mistakes are fundamental stepping stones to wisdom.

Assuming you’re in an energetic chaos, you wish you could find a solution to resolve it or a way out to escape the rut. To be happy and free from all of this gunky stuff, trying to attach to you.

If you could see only one option, you would do it. This is what you’ve been telling yourself until…

The opportunity comes right before your eyes.

You stiffen. Your mouth freezes.

You’re speechless. Your mind blanks.

You hold your breath. You stand there and do nothing, stifled in terror.

Instead of striking while the iron is hot, as my mother would say, you can’t bear to see yourself looking like a fool if you were to start over again.

The guilt of having missed the errors is a heavy brick on your shoulders, too. Because being a disappointment to your loved ones is unbearable, let alone welcome the shame that comes along with it.

And you are a good child, not a rebel-ass motherfucker. Your image matters. You’ve worked hard for it.

You can’t imagine being the talk of the town. Not because you’re successful AF, but because you disappointed everyone for the chaos you caused. Your stomach coils like a terrified snake when you see people’s long looks and stares. You couldn’t bear the weight of it all.

But at the back of your mind, you know changing paths is a big choice, especially if it’s something none of your family has ever done. Leaving a job you’ve outgrown is a tough decision to make, just like saying goodbye to a good, old friend who refused to grow with you.

It’s bittersweet, but needed.

Whether you like it or not, the life you thought was yours will be taken away in a snap…

However, if you were to find your purpose and be flexible enough to welcome life’s surprises, you would need the courage to accept that this is part of the transition. People come and go, just like life that flows.

This is what Aries, the youthful, feisty commander of the zodiac, asks us to do as we welcome the New Moon, which means having the courage to welcome new beginnings without guilt and shame, but rather with pride and grace.

The fact that you’re thinking of starting over again, it asks you to take a huge leap of faith to leave anything that doesn’t work for you anymore with a sack of trust and faith that everything’s going to be alright, despite the lack of details.

To accept that there’s nothing wrong with failing in life and believe that there’s more to explore about ourselves than what we assume we are.

Only if your ego steps aside.

Only if you let your heart and soul shine. 🙂

“With all these experiences, I learned that if I continually repress those negative emotions, it feeds my unconscious, which then, later, becomes actions and words that would cause harm either to myself or others… thus, it forces me to look within and examine where this thick blob of dream came from.”
—Excerpt from my article ‘What is Nocebo Effect?’

Answering the Commander’s Call

Months before I graduated from the university, I had no idea where my life was going, despite the high expectations of others. On my desk, I had several application requests from big schools, inviting me to give a teaching demo with assurance of being hired afterwards.

The future was clearly laid out for me, I thought, knowing that I came from a family of teachers too. For sure, being a teacher was a place for me, and I was meant to share my knowledge with the next generation. It was security—equipped with benefits and status. There was no shadow of a doubt that it was an attractive route.

Reflecting on future choices, I could see my classmates and batchmates busy themselves, preparing for their job applications and potentially a Master’s Degree. They asked me about my future plans, and I couldn’t give them a clear answer, while theirs left me in awe, making me wonder why I couldn’t do the same.

Maybe there was something wrong with me.

No, I argued. Although it was an easy, stable route, I couldn’t imagine being in a rat race, feeling content with receiving a salary, working for someone else. I believed that I was more than just a rat. And I wasn’t meant to be a rat for someone’s cat.

While they rushed to find stability, getting a stable job was out of sight. In fact, I considered joining the monastery, wishing I could find solace in isolation, planting coffee beans somewhere in the outskirts of Bukidnon. If not, I could stay at home and do nothing except run errands and whatnot, for as long as I could.

As the pressure to get a stable job intensified among my relatives, I told my family I wouldn’t search for a boring teaching job anymore (after a heartbreaking internship and an almost deadly first year in teaching).

There was a constant force in all directions, telling me what I must do, what I did was wrong…

Ignoring their protest, I made an ironclad decision to make up for lost time by freelancing online. Of course, it caused an uproar and a thousand discussions because their years-long hard work wasn’t supposed to be thrown into the bin just like that.

But I didn’t care. I took my laptop and started searching for opportunities with keen eyes. I swallowed information and burned my eyes, staring into the screen for hours without complaints. From 4 o’clock in the morning until 10 in the evening, I sat down and bled my fingers for money.

Because in my mind, I would rather swallow those disappointments than do something that was against my will. The will of my inner child who wanted to be free after 16 years of being chained in a system we call ‘school.’

Besides, I’ve done my part. My agreement with my parents was clear, to begin with. I was in grade school when I signed the (metaphorical) contract.

Graduating from a university with a certified diploma was the goal. Although pressured to be on the honors list in high school, I didn’t have to be a Cum Laude or something, as long as I had my name printed on a sheet of paper, issued by a well-known university.

I’ve given my best to excel in every level, from grade school to university, though my heart was somewhere else. So, there’s no reason for me to try to force myself to find a job I hate and spend more years with it when I’ve spent a third of my life doing that to prove my worth to someone else and mask their insecurity.

For me, the first 10 years post-graduation were a time to find myself again and figure out what I actually want to do with my life. A thought nobody could understand.

“What a waste! What are you doing? If you were planning to sell handmade notebooks, I’d rather take your brain for my Master’s. That will be more useful,” one of my college mates said.

“Why are you wasting your time? You should’ve taken Law instead. You would do better. You’re way too smart for this,” another batchmate lamented.

As a result, I lost my social circle—family, friends, and all that. With increasing toxicity between groups, I had no choice but to cut them off for my sake. Although it was a painful choice, leaving them was better than swallowing the pain to keep the friendship.

Why?

Because it took me years to become the person I am now, healing the part of me that felt invisible, invaluable, and incomprehensible. The dumb. The stupid. The black sheep. The weird. Whatever.

Imagine being the odd one out in your family, among friends, unable to truly connect and feel like I belong.

Imagine the weight of their disappointment, assuming I was too lazy or too arrogant to play the game and grow up. There was a constant force in all directions, telling me what I must do, what I did was wrong, and that my decision to pause was a complete waste of my time and my brain’s potential.

Whenever we met somewhere, I endured the long looks and sarcasm thrown at me until it reached the point I couldn’t take it anymore and had to remove thousands of friends on social media and avoid meet-ups for the sake of peace of mind.

From 4k+ friends down to 100, that was quite a radical jump, you could say. Honestly, I don’t regret what I did, though I miss them, because that same radical decision left me with the choice to focus internally and explore.

With that decision came a sense of space to do my lifework, spiritually wandering while watching my peers move forward from afar. I’m fine with that, despite having no titles attached to my name.

What matters is that I’m content with where I am, happy with what I have, and at peace with my mind, body, and soul. That’s luxury for me. 👍

READ: ‘I Became My Own Therapist to Save Myself’

When Your ‘Stable’ Life Begins to Collapse

If you think you’re safe now because you have everything you need at the moment, wait until He takes it again, assuming you’re ready for the next chapter—the one that’s been written for you long before you were born, entirely different from how you perceived and planned.

It sounds terrifying, doesn’t it?

That’s what I thought, too, before all the crises came to me three years ago. I learned fast. I had to. So I had no choice but to confront the situation by asking myself these tough questions at the time when I felt hopeless and powerless under Big Daddy’s judgment (Saturn):

What can you do as a living soul when your fakery starts to collapse? Complain, point fingers?
Would you be willing to let go of what’s familiar or cling to it because it’s safe?
Oh, by the way, who would you blame? You or others?
If you can’t help yourself, who would?
You’re in this mess. What can you do about it? Cry and do nothing?

I know it’s easier to blame others than yourself. This is what our ego tries to do to keep us emotionally safe. But maybe you forget that every time you point a finger at somebody, four fingers will always point back at you.

Plus, God, the Universe, the Creator has never been boring. He loves to play games with you to see whether you can handle life properly. Because He knows you can. It’s just a matter of knowing it and fully embracing it.

Besides, the only constant in this world is change. So change is part of existence. There’s nothing you can do about it. You have to deal with it.

But what can you do? Cry, whine, or maybe realize that it’s time to pull your pants up and do something?

Why? Because why not? Maybe it’s time to see your fullest potential, and achieving that potential means impact. How big of an impact? I don’t know. Only God knows.

Your beliefs and the stories you tell yourself affect how you lead your life, which in turn shapes your reality, good or bad.

Regardless, whether you like it or not, the life you thought was yours will be taken away in a snap, forcing you to face a crisis you’ve tried to avoid at all costs. Because in life, shit happens. Totally unpredictable.

Take this from my experience. My parents groomed me to become the version they imagined, only to find myself building an unpredictable life in the digital world.

Later, when my writing career was dying, I lost clients because AI had taken over my freelance writing job, so I had to adapt quickly and do something to save my business. Otherwise, it was over.

But looking back, I’m asking myself, how do I feel about it? Seriously, I have no regrets whatsoever. Instead, I saw it as an experience, then returned to my inner child and listened to what she had to say about my next chapter. 🤭

READ: ‘Become the Version of You that Feels Right’

On Finding Purpose Without Shame

Sure, you can read as many articles about finding meaning and purpose in life as you can find on the internet to give you some level of guarantee or assurance that Point A will bring you to Point B. You’re so disconnected from yourself that you don’t trust your instincts anymore.

So, you logically tread over available safe options, planning every step from Step 1 to 10, while masking your pain with pleasure, instead of diving deep into yourself to find answers to why that pain exists. You avoid shadow work and healing, in general, because you believe you’re fine.

Yet, deep down, there’s a different story.

About the nocebo effect

According to Jorge H. Daruna, in his article called ‘Introduction to Psychoneuroimmunology (2nd ed.), your power of belief acts as the medium to positive changes, especially your self-worth.

This is what he calls the ‘Nocebo Effect.’ In other words, your beliefs and the stories you tell yourself affect how you lead your life, which in turn shapes your reality, good or bad. So, if you believe that starting over isn’t an option, you’ll never get over the painful ending of anything or see the sense of that suffering.

Because this is what you believe. Although your conscious brain says, ‘Yes, I want to change my life,’ your subconscious and unconscious speak otherwise. Your heart says, ‘I want to paint.’ Your brain replies, ‘No, that’s stupid.’

In my article published in 2024, I shared a story of my mother’s eldest sister, who succumbed to a slow suicide after her youngest daughter passed away, only 28 years old when she died from COVID-19. She’d already lost her 12-year-old eldest son back in the 70s, so the sudden loss ultimately drowned her psychologically after decades of unresolved emotional torture within her family.

As Daruna explained, this noceboic effect—believing that there’s nothing else special and magical out there for her except death—eventually killed her before the disease. Although she had a handful of health problems way back, this nihilistic view of life inadvertently propelled her declining health.

“Even if your conscious mind says it’s alright, something else needs to be repaired deep down inside you. There is this deep-seated belief about yourself. This self-loathing habit creates a constant atmosphere where souls die.”
—Excerpt from my article ‘What is Nocebo Effect?’

Do you understand what I’m trying to say here?

You see. Your belief matters. The stories you tell yourself affect your reality.

If you want to manifest the good things in life, believe it. Feel it in your bones. Be delusionally optimistic about it.

Align your actions. Plan and take action. Be bold like the Commander.

Make your dream a reality without hesitation. It’s now or never.

Strike! 💪

This is why, with this coming Aries New Moon, I’m inviting you to reflect with me as we welcome this new beginning with the courage to begin again, to find purpose without bringing the same guilt, shame, and remorse over something we don’t have control over, e.g., the past, trauma, future, etc.

If you find yourself miserable on this path anyway and would like to change something, can you offer that level of sacrifice for yourself and your inner child, to provide a safe space for him/her to manifest in the 3D world?

Are you willing to embrace your truest self with pride and grace, to seek your truth, even when nobody’s around to praise you? Can your ego handle that?

If so, I highly recommend you download your FREE Soul Exercise #5, a 20+ page A4 printable reflective worksheet that will guide you in examining your beliefs and take you to spiritual places. Hahaha! 😀

Last Note

Thank you so much for spending time with me today. I hope you’ll find the courage to start over and listen to your inner child, even if it means becoming someone’s disappointment.

You know what, this would be the bravest thing you’d ever do, and your inner child will thank you for that forever. Even if you fail, you could proudly tell yourself, ‘At least, I tried.’ Then, try again and again and again until it works.

Even Jesus did the same and told his disciples that if they knocked once and they were ignored, knock again. Seventy times seven more.

Besides, you are the one who leads your life, and you only live once. So make use of the time while you’re alive. Make sure you spend it on people and things you love.

Every single day, every single moment, romanticize your life by feeding your mind positive thoughts, finding beauty in the mundane, and appreciating the present. Embody the inner child’s mind and allow its magic to flow in your adult body.

By the time your life’s over, you won’t have regrets and resentments, as many people do on their deathbeds. Like my aunt.

Do you get what I’m saying?

I hope so. You know, there’s more to life than just suffering. Nobody has to leave Earth that way because we all came here as happy, curious babies. And I’m saying this out of love.

Just so you know, I’ll be giving birth to my daughter in the next few days. Yehey! Wow, nine months feel so fast. 👶

That means I’m aware of the weight of responsibility given to me by the Universe, which involves letting go of the past and finally closing out a chapter that doesn’t belong to my new timeline anymore.

Even when you deny its existence in your heart, your body will eventually ask you to lend your ears for a moment and understand what you’re going through.

As a mother-to-be, it is my prayer to find the courage to begin again after years of living under the cloak of childhood trauma, not only for my sake, but for the sake of my daughter, my husband, my family, and the next generation.

For me, what I’ve gone through, normalizing self-disconnection must stop, and the only way to do that is to become the change, per se.

And embodying the lessons is not easy, as it requires me to ask the same questions over and over again until integration occurs. But I’m more than willing to commit to welcoming the discomfort to begin like a fool, to explore life with meaning and purpose with a smile on my face.

Above all, to acknowledge the fact that my daughter has nothing to do with my hell, nor does she have to endure the same story generations of my family have gone through.

To do that, I have to let my ego step aside and let my heart and soul shine instead. To let love flourish, not hate. 🙂

To end, I want to say that everything in this article is written from the heart, not out of spite. It may sound harsh, but sometimes we need some tough love to learn, grow, and remember what we’re here for.

Quick note: I may not be able to write to you next week because I might still be in the hospital, but you will always be in my mind, heart, and soul.

In the meantime, you’ll still be receiving my weekly tarot readings while I focus on recovery over the coming weeks, which means I can resume writing my weekly reflection around April if everything goes well.

Anyway, I love you with my whole being, so puh-lease take care of yourself. Remember. Self-care isn’t selfish. It’s your birthright.

Be well, be happy, be alive. You deserve to exist just the way you are. See you in the next one. Tschüßieee!!! ♥️

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Working with Val, Wyatt digs up clues to uncover the truth behind the tragedy. When Tom met Philip in a speakeasy outside Cleveland, Ohio, the spark between them was instantaneous. They fell hard and fast for each other. However, with Philip working as a beat cop and Tom as a schoolteacher, their relationship being discovered meant the end of everything.

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Working in the gardens at Olive Tree Academy for Supernatural Studies is hard enough, especially when he always seems to be too filthy to say “hi” to the cute guy he keeps seeing.

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