Hey, Mecyll here. How are you doing?
I know it’s been two weeks since the last newsletter. Honestly, I struggled to find the drive to write a single word, not until today.
What I realized is that, even though I’ve written a million words, I still find myself stuck at a blank page.
Even though my conscious brain thought I’ve moved from writer’s block, here I am, struggling to pull myself up; procrastinating because of a sub- and unconscious self-limiting beliefs under the guise of perfectionism and procrastination.
In my book, “Essentialism in Self-Publishing,” published last year, I wrote:
“Why? Because I grew up in a highly controlled environment, control has always been the top issue in my life. And control was what once fueled my over-planning tendencies, fearing the worst all the time.
Even now, I’m still working on re-parenting my wounded inner child by flipping the inner dialogues from criticizing to compassionate and by being aware of my childhood programming, often resulting in being overly controlling within myself and others. And I know writers have some level of a “god complex” within them.”
That’s why, while holding a lapis lazuli, I offer this for the upcoming Cancer New Moon, which invites me and you to face our shadows with gentle love, just as the Cancer energy flows ever so gently, like a river or the sea.
To accept the dark side of ourselves that we often ignore and avoid.
Our shadows hold the answers we’re looking for. But because they’re our shadows, they’re uncomfortable.
So we would rather choose to live in denial while these things (what we call inner demons) slowly eat us each day.
Like my struggle to start something because of the belief that the first draft should be perfect.
Though nobody’s telling me physically, it’s like my head could hear the scream in the background, stopping me from what I should do. Like I could hear my mother telling me, ‘It should be perfect,’ when she’s not there by my side anymore.
Even if it costs me time or money, my ‘Old Self’ continues to thrive in the toxicity, believing that nothing she does is worthy enough unless it’s perfect.
The more I think about it, as I’m writing this, an image flashed underneath my skull. It’s an image of my mother back when I was in grade school.
I remember there was a blackout, and I had a candle lit, just enough to brighten the dining table. At that time, I was working on a project that required some technical knowledge, such as word processing, etc.
We couldn’t afford anything, so I had to handwrite the entire project. 20 pages long. With my mother on the side, she said, “Your work must be perfect.” She took a blank A4 sheet and handed it to me, saying, “Write there.”
“I can’t make it straight,” I replied and watched her take a yellow-lined page, placing it underneath the white paper. “Here. You can make it straight. Make it your best work. It must be perfect.”
In my journal entry dated June 10, 2024, I wrote about “Inside-Out Transformation,” which explores how we can transform our lives by looking within and bringing what’s within us into the tangible 3D world.
To do this, one must be able to acknowledge inner child blocks, which stem from unhealthy childhood dynamics like mine. Until now, I’m still healing from this wound. Our inner child’s wound.
Imagine I was barely ten years old when it happened. More than 20 years ago. Now, I’m already in my 30s, but I’m still hurt by it as if it happened yesterday.
Despite this, I’m happy to know that this lurks beneath the surface, so when it comes out during the day (manifested through random emotional outbursts), I’m ready to acknowledge it and snap my fingers, saying, ‘Stop,’ to stop the chain of thoughts.
But for those who aren’t aware of it, we decide on things, from little to big ones, in the shadows. Oftentimes, we find ourselves questioning why.
This happens when we unconsciously allow ‘Others’ to control our ‘Self,’ thinking we’re not enough or that we don’t have the power to make the right decision for ourselves.
When we do take our power back, it becomes a problem. You know, defying customs, changing traditions, breaking norms? Are they comfortable? Nope.
Though we know they’re there, waiting for us, we choose to stay in the rut because it’s safe, cozy, and comfortable.
Yet, the longer we keep living that way, the more it will eat us. When it does, it may manifest as physical sickness, energetic imbalance, or other issues.
Then, we blame our problems on other people.
We do this in 2 distinct ways:
We hide our inner child’s wounds through perfectionism, believing that we can only do something perfect. Unwilling to embrace the beauty of imperfectionism in our lives.
We seek short-lived pleasures to procrastinate, assuming we delay things because we’re not ready. The fact is, we don’t act on it right now because it’s too uncomfortable, and we like to delay it to avoid the pain for as long as we can.
So, what can you do now?
If you do feel like you’re running your life this way, please don’t berate yourself. Don’t ever run away from your inner child again.
Pat yourself instead. Acknowledge that you’ve done enough self-sabotage, that it’s time to wake up and do something with the ‘Eureka!’
Then, you start doing what I call “individuation.” The act of separating yourself energetically from your caregivers, parents, or from anyone to whom you owe your life.
Psycho-cybernetics, as Maxwell Maltz calls it. The process of using your conscious mind to steer the ship (unconscious brain). If you're familiar with the book, let me know.
By doing this, you begin to evaluate your daily choices, slowly moving away from the chains of the past and sailing towards the future you deserve.
Perfectionism and procrastination go hand-in-hand like BFFs. Only when we try to be perfect do we procrastinate, thinking that perfection is the only way to prove our worth.
Growing up, we develop this as a coping mechanism to survive and earn our parents’ love. So we try to be perfect in everything or beat ourselves if we don’t.
Even though we’re already adults, we unconsciously function like this, as if we’re the same children who need to prove our worth to ‘Others.’
We continuously operate our lives through traumatic responses, hiding the fears and wounds in our hearts in creative ways.
We embrace perfectionism, fearing that flaws weaken the self-image. We embed procrastination in our lives, fearing the pain we can’t let go of.
With all this said, I know life can be overwhelming at times. Especially, we have our inner wounded children within us, crying and weeping over the past, stuck in a rut.
Many of us can become extra-hypervigilant, fearing that someone might hurt us in any way. We become so defensive of anything ‘cause our egos love to complicate things.
Because we’re unaware of this, we feel cozy in fear as it envelopes our skin, keeping us comfortable and safe in the melancholy. The same fear that keeps us hidden, dimming our lights for ‘Others.’
Then, in our deathbeds, we regret, we resent. What else?
Suppose you ask me, nah. I’ve seen way too many sad deaths, and I promised myself that I wouldn’t want to end up like them.
As an adult, I don’t want fear to rule my life, because it consumed my first thirty years of existence. So, I want the next thirty years to be the opposite of it.
Sure, I don’t want to be perfect, but real. I don’t have to procrastinate; I simply have to do it. Simple. No overplanning, no overthinking.
Like our inner child. Pure, carefree, loving, open, name it.
Children don’t fear. They explore. They laugh at their mistakes. They love like no other.
If you're lost, listen to your inner child. They have what we need. Answers to life’s endless problems? The love you crave? Anything. Your inner child has it.
Your job? Listen.
Free books + My First-Ever Short Story Anthology
As always, I love sharing books with you.
This week, I have two of them, which I think you might want to check out. :)
“Sacred Hearts” by C. G. Macington
When the youngest Pope in centuries, Marco Ricci, and Italy’s reformist Prime Minister, Matteo Valentini, join forces against Vatican corruption, an unexpected spark ignites—and it’s raw, political, and entirely forbidden.
As they navigate midnight meetings, conspiracies, and enemies in the shadows, love becomes the most powerful—and dangerous—force of all. A gripping MM romance that challenges faith, courage, and the status quo.
“Love, Legends, and a Killer Mermaid” by Kimberly Griggs
Dive into the third Mallory Hemingway adventure! When divers haul up a mythical wooden mermaid, they uncover murder, magical theft, and a dangerous legend. Princess Isadora’s emerald amulet has vanished, a body slumps on Sirena Bella’s deadly spear—and Mallory’s best friend is the prime suspect.
Juggling a tense police investigation, two irresistible men, and a meddling mother, she must untangle myth from reality, clear her friend’s name, find a hidden treasure… and stay alive. Love may be tangled in seaweed, but death lurks beneath the waves.
My first-ever short story anthology is NOW AVAILABLE for Preorder!
Yes, my dear. After months of work, I finally have the book ready. It’s now available for preorder at your favorite bookstores. You can still get a FREE copy of it on StoryOrigin.
If you’ve accessed the Review Magnet, I would genuinely appreciate it if you leave a review on any platform you prefer. That will be helpful.
Anything else? Questions? Concerns?
None? Alright.
That’s all for today, my friend.
See you in the next one. Tschüß!
Mecyll