It was an early morning in October last year when something stirred inside me. Feeling beyond exhausted, it had been six months of arduous and continuous work, writing, editing, and publishing my first novel. A month before my birthday. A month before entering the club of 30-year-olds feeling oddly accomplished. Because at least I'd granted my 15-year-old self's wish--becoming an author someday.
Looking back, it had been years of work, spending hours of laborious writing to accomplish something like that. To tell you the truth, even after nine years, I still feel like I'm not professional enough; or that my English isn't enough. I still feel insecure about my writing style, though I can say I have improved a lot. Take it from my fellow writers. Not me.
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Mecyll has got the best of both worlds—fiction and non-fiction… has practical knowledge about SEO, content creation, and blogging.
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Columnist, Filmspeak.org
Although I'd read these words countless times, the Imposter Syndrome still drowned me, fogging my head with useless, unnecessary thoughts. My conscious mind understood what they thought about me.
However, at the back of my mind, the sense of insecurity was so deep that it concealed my ability to judge things properly. It was as though I had gotten used to being silenced, and shutting my mouth was a normal thing to do.
Because it didn't make sense. Somehow leaving me confused and lost. I thought if people thought I had this ability or capability to do amazing things, but I couldn't feel the same level, the same energy as they have.
You could name various psychological terms to name it, but the point is they feel the same. I call it my abyss. An inescapable abyss living inside me, thriving in the broadest sense of the word.
Despite living as a terrible mess, giving up was the last thing I would do. There was no way I could turn my back on the decision I'd made—becoming a self-publisher. So, the most obvious thing I can do is to keep going and improving my craft. Until now.
The point is if you truly love what you’re doing, you will find a way to do it and make your dreams—whatever it is—possible.
Author’s Highlights:
Just for the first quarter of this year, these are what I think are the highlights I’d like to share with you. Lots of big things.
1. I finished one novel after a 5-year hiatus.
With more than 130,000 words and 66 chapters, my first fully-written manuscript of "Dr. Clay" was finished on April 9, 2023. It is the first book of the Cult of Eros series, which took me six months to finish. Now, it is available for reading (as an entire book).
Find the book’s link below (see the ‘Please Support My Work’ section).
(Author’s Note: As a subscriber, I trust you with this copy. So, please do not share the file with others. This will count as an unauthorized distribution. If you downloaded the file and finished reading it, I’d appreciate it if you could shoot me an email about your experience). :)
2. I'm working on my 2nd novel.
Days after I finished "Dr. Clay," I continued writing, which unknowingly turned out to become the second book of the Cult of Eros series. Two months after, it already has more than 90,000 words with more than 50 chapters.
Unlike most series, where the plots have to be aligned or something in between those lines, the second book will have an entirely different story, though some characters could appear as supporting characters in any of the sequels.
For instance, Valon was the main character of the first book, while Frank was the supporting character. In the second book, Frank becomes the main character, while Valon becomes the supporting.
3. We're still searching for our new home.
Apparently, we still didn't find anything since we received the landlord's notice in March for two reasons. First, we have yet to come up with the amount needed to move out. Second, almost no apartments are available that accommodate the stuff we have.
While this is going on, I have to make some adjustments to my writing schedule, like sparing hours for selling the stuff we have. That means I have to divide my daily routines into two—three, including the Wife’s Hat.
First, as a self-publisher. I have to spare this and that number of hours wearing my Writer's Hat and just writing. In most cases, I don't follow a specific number of words to target daily.
That approach won't work for intuitive writing, which means I'm relying on intuition to write the scenes than an outline. So, it allows me to have some breathing time when needed, especially when I'm stuck at a certain beat of the story. This strategy helped me finish "Dr. Clay" and the new novel I'm working on.
The process is slow but progressive. I don't mind writing 500 words today and 4,000 words tomorrow. Because, anyway, it's up to the characters to decide whether they like to share that day. If they don't, I have to step out of my writing desk and do the second task for the rest of the day.
Second, wearing a Seller's Hat. The remaining time of the day until late at night will be spent preparing the items we need to sell and managing everything (until we have the money we need for daily stuff, i.e. groceries). And this goes on daily. Otherwise, we won't have income.
Final Thoughts
I remember my subscriber-turned-editor-and-friend, Kernisha, asking me, "How could you even write a novel at this point in time?" I thought, yeah. How could I finish writing a full novel albeit my hectic life? That question left me thinking, leaving me asking myself a big 'Why' lately. For several weeks, I reflected on it and ended up with this answer.
Because I love writing novels. This has been my childhood activity, and reading books was my favorite pastime during breaks at school. For almost ten years of professional writing for the internet, I have never felt so self-assured with my writing.
And that was the driving force I felt when I published my first novel, "The Rival," in October last year. Because it felt like I belong here. Because it felt right.
The point is if you truly love what you’re doing, you will find a way to do it and make your dreams—whatever it is—possible.
So, if you enjoyed reading about my life today, I’d appreciate it if you click like or share your thoughts about your writing journey in the comment section below. Thank you, and have a great day ahead. Happy writing!
—Mecyll
Photo by Long Huang on Unsplash
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