Welcome to Cult of Eros Universe: Author’s Note 🥳
The Cult of Eros is an intoxicating series where passion, art, and desire collide.
M. Gaspary here, speaking. Welcome! 👏
The Cult of Eros is an intoxicating series where passion, art, and desire collide. In a world where love is both a force of creation and destruction, each story takes you deeper into the seductive lives of men and women who dare to surrender to its dangerous allure.
From the intimate strokes of a painter’s brush to the precise hands of a surgeon, from a steady, nurturing, but wounded heart of a social worker to an ambitious social media star, the story takes you beyond the boundaries of forbidden touch as each story unravels the raw intensity of love, temptation, and lust.
Welcome to a universe where hearts beat faster, boundaries are shattered, and every kiss could be the start of an exquisite affair.
Enter the Cult of Eros—where desire reigns, and nothing is ever as it seems. 🎉
In this first installment of the Cult of Eros series, the story delves into the lives of real people who face real struggles and challenges. Through art, passion, and unexpected life-altering events, they are tested by love—where emotions run deep, secrets are unveiled, and hearts are put on the line.
Each story captures how the pursuit of love can push people beyond their limits, forcing them to choose between their passion and those they hold dear. Prepare for an intense journey of heart and soul, where love defies all odds.
From the bottom of my heart, welcome and thank you for being here. 👏
Author’s note
The first thing I like to say is ‘Wow, it’s been a hell of a journey!” 👏
Because it all started with a wish. A simple wish that someday I could finish what I started. Two years ago, I stood in front of a train track with my empty grocery bag, waiting, ready to take a big jump. But somehow, seconds before the Interegio (German inter-regional train) came, I stepped back.
A decision that I somehow regretted until now in the sense that I have this responsibility to carry on this second chance to find purpose, to find reasons why I chose to step back when I could have died that late, gloomy afternoon. 😭
Now, I know why. Because I realized that what actually stopped me was a moral responsibility to tell the stories I have kept hidden in the depths of my heart. And I am tasked to share them with you with a commitment to bring you the rawest and purest of me. To tell you the secrets I have been hiding all these years.
As a result, “Strokes of Desire #1” and the entire Cult of Eros series were born after years of shadow work, regular journaling to access the sub- and unconscious, to confront my demons, and to make peace while negotiating business with them. 😻
For instance, Clay represents the old ‘Self’ who tried to keep everything planned and controlled until someone like Valon, the twisted artist hiding inside me, began to sneak into his life and demand full attention. No matter how Clay denied Valon’s existence and continually opposed his sneaky methods, there was something in the artist’s mind he couldn’t let go of. Despite being logical, the emotions boiling within him drove him crazy if left ignored.
On the other hand, Liz is the old ‘Self’ who endured years of power plays at home, unconsciously losing her power. Manipulation and finances were big talks in her life like there was no such thing as family, and she was desperate to have that. Because, in her mind, family was supposed to be your home, refuge, and safe place to go to when happy, sad, angry, etc. But she didn’t have that. She wasn’t emotionally secure at home, not with anybody, including Clay.
Though Agatha, the new ‘Self’ (representing my Leo descendant in astrology), could see her inner strength, the control she knew had a tight hold on her. Powerlessness and hopelessness were things she thought were her life, as if she didn’t have the power to make a choice and take bold steps to achieve the change she desired.
And Agatha was willing to change that to change things for the better. For the future she saw despite her traumas. Unlike Liz, she wasn’t willing to give into her dark past, leading her way. She wanted to recover, to move on, even if it meant exposing her life on social media. For her, if Valon, her Kuya, could pull up the strength he never knew he had, almost losing his life, for her safety, then why couldn’t she? If he managed to remain strong to such an extent she never saw him crying, then why couldn’t she?
She had the tools at her disposal, and followers were on standby. Why should she give in to the same powerlessness and hopelessness she had before? Why should she choose to watch and do nothing when she can?
You see, this book is so personal to me that I’m embarrassed to share the chapters with you. But as a Scorpio moon person, as a Bearer of this Plutonic energy, to heal is to reveal. 💗
***
Ten years ago, I quit teaching and left my “professional” life for an ambitious, fleeting child’s dream. Unlike my batchmates, who had their lives planned out, my life has always been uncertain. Underneath my seemingly self-assured self was a lack of direction. Not knowing what to do with my life, I had only one year of professional teaching experience and loads of odd writing jobs that lasted only six months. Still, I refused to search for teaching jobs for a dream.
The unknownness terrified my loved ones, and some of my batchmates asked me if they could rent my brain to pursue their Master’s degrees (if I didn’t have the plan to use it properly, as some of them said).
And I had ten years of it. Ten years of enduring wordless blame and resentment from different people. My ears were deafened with disappointments, silent fingers pointing at me when I could have searched for a real job to have a real life, a real retirement plan. My life would have been secure and stable if I had chosen the easy route.
In silence, nobody knew what was boiling inside me, desperate to be released.
The effort of writing millions of words in ten years, publishing articles here and there, hoping to get the word, my Truth, out. The tears and bleeding fingers typing words. All they know and see is me sitting at home, doing nothing. Jobless. Unemployed.
Now, oddly enough, I’m absolutely terrified. A feeling I never knew would come to me again. 😣
Because I’m about to welcome you to the world I’ve built with one of my high school friends. A doctor. My book buddy from high school to college.
The reason why this book existed.
Despite our bond, I’ve never shared this with her, either. It’s the world that has been living beneath my calm, hidden from public, prying eyes for years.
Like Clay, her life has always been swamped with work. So I’m wondering if she could ever read this book at all. (That’s why I wanted to serialize this but cannot. Yet. Out of budget for now. But you can help me change that by becoming a paid subscriber. 💪)
Anyway, highway…
“Strokes of Desire” is already in its 3rd draft, and I’m proud to say that all the hard work, tears, and grit involved in writing with absolute commitment has paid off. Wooohooo! 🥳
Though it took me two years to get here, I’m glad I finally have enough courage to open the door for you to have a look and read the story.
Again, honestly, I’ve never been this terrified. Not even my horrible Wattpad days could top it. So bear with the manuscript’s errors and all that. It will be polished during the fourth draft. 👍
Author’s expectations
Now that you’re here, enjoy the ride because Cult of Eros will be an intoxicating series (as promised). This project is so personal to me that I am deeply embarrassed to share it with you.
Look at our community and read some of my older posts and Notes while waiting for upcoming chapter releases. 😁
I assume you either subscribed for free to explore the Writer Warriors Community or have upgraded. Either way, that’s great because your presence is highly appreciated. Thank you. It’s an honor to have you and e-meet you here.
If you have a Substack app installed on your phone, you can head over to our Chats and Notes and make sure you say ‘Hi,’ introduce yourself and what you’re up to.
On Notes, I have posted many of my posts (through the “Restack” feature), so you can stop by and leave your thoughts about them. Engaging with you and getting to know your writing philosophy and opinions about things I talk about will be fun. 😀
You can also find other authors like me who share their writing journeys as I do. I follow a few Substack communities like Black Lipstick and Craft Talk, who share deeply personal essays about their highs and lows, their everyday mundane, and how they transform their pains into craft. Their essays’ imperfections and short, frantic lengths make them oddly human to me, given the fast-paced perfection in our social media nowadays.
Publication schedule
So, what will you expect in the coming weeks and months after subscription?
Initially, I planned to publish my vlogs and other content I’ve prepared every week from November onwards. But to welcome the Cult of Eros series this December, I need to readjust the schedule so your emails won’t be overwhelmed with too much stuff from me. It’s not my intent to spam you.
The chapters will be released as soon as they are ready, so I will have enough time to review them before they are officially released without pressuring myself too much. I know it’s slow, but you want them released sooner rather than later.
But I’m doing everything solo. I don’t want to compromise quality for the sake of demand. That means I will release the chapters as soon as they’re ready, though I know the itch to finish the entire book. I’ll talk more about this later.
According to my estimates, “Strokes of Desire” Book #1 will run for 27 weeks, around 5 months on Substack. That is, if I manage to publish one chapter weekly.
If so, the episodes on TikTok and across other social media platforms, i.e., FB, IG, and/or YouTube, might follow a target of 3 to 5 episodes per week, depending on the chapter length. (I’m publishing excerpts there, too, for marketing purposes.)
Free vs. paid subscriptions
Free subscribers and paid subscribers will both receive email notifications when published and have access to the free chapters and other free content. However, the free subscription will only show you around 30% of the paid chapters and articles.
Paid chapters vs paid articles
Paid chapters will include all the chapters of anything I write and publish in the future. This is a special access for you to read them in advance, even before they’re fed to the editor’s desk.
Even though it isn’t publish-ready and still needs more work to polish, you have already accessed the chapters and know the story before the world (via book serialization). Cool, right? Take note. They aren’t available on my website or elsewhere. They are exclusively on Substack.
The same rule applies to my upcoming books, regardless of genre. Because I tend to write in various tones and genres (from Rom-Com Young Adult to LGBT Adult), even jumping from fiction to nonfiction, I cannot say that this year’s season, I will release a gay romance, and then the next, I will come up with fantasy.
It’s unpredictable because my unpublished works span across genres. This all depends on what I can finish and have finished. As of now, I have several contemporary romance + fantasy titles in my arsenal which are yet to be finished. And I can’t wait to rewrite them, work with my heart and soul, then finish them. Finally. 💪
Though I’ve published four books, I learned that I don’t want to get bored with my writing. And getting bored with my writing is a crucifixion I never signed up for. I had that a few times over the years, and it’s a big no-no.
Plus, I don’t decide who’s next. It depends on who wants to talk now, who wants to spill the beans and hit me with details—emotionally and mentally prepared to tell the world through me like Clay, Valon, Liz, Agatha, and Alain did 2 years ago. The story sparked after my doctor high school friend, “Dzae,” told me to experiment and create a BL romance out of our lives.
As a result, we have Dr. Clay Elizondo and Valon De Lara, a brilliant surgeon and a professor-artist. The 3 characters, Liz, Agatha, and Alain, came after years of shadow work.
As of now, I have one more completed novel yet to share. It’s on the 2nd draft. A mafia, organized crime contemporary romance that started as a Wattpad novel but left unfinished in 2018. Two male-female leading characters: Giovanni and Alexandra, Kaiser and Beth. Also coming soon on Substack. 🙉
Let me know your thoughts about it. 💬
***
Paid articles, on the other hand, are my exhaustive articles and will include but not limited to essays about authentic living, expressive writing, CPTSD (Childhood Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder), and other mental health taboos, i.e., suicide, sexual healing, healing ‘Self’ and ‘Others’ with a dose of academic and scientific research across topics like psychology, spirituality, and astrology—understanding the world around me (I have a Sagi Sun, Scorpio Moon, Aquarius Rising).
Here are examples of some of my published articles:
Aside from writing fiction, I’m an advocate for healing through writing. As a trauma survivor myself, I write articles about controversial topics from time to time, especially when I feel like I’m too immersed in the story to get out of it for fresh air.
When writing, I don’t like to be too “in it,” if you understand what I am saying. When I am too immersed or too emotional, I might lose my objective lens when drafting manuscripts, losing my mind in the process. I don’t want that. So, I take the time to finish chapters until I finish the book entirely.
Oftentimes, it will take me around:
Writing drafts
3 months - novella
4 months - nonfiction
6 months - novel
Before writing my second draft, I set each finished manuscript for months. For instance, I finished writing Cult of Eros #4 to 6 last year. It is my intention to set it aside until I forget the story by writing something else. At the time, I decided to write another novel which is now “Strokes of Desire #1.”
Learn more about my writing rituals here, including how I write my first, second, and third drafts and why I always set aside finished manuscripts for months before rewriting them.
In summary:
Free subscription
Access to free chapters & articles (possibly updated content from earlier website articles from 2018 at its baby state)
Access to the Writer Warriors Community and reach me (accessible via email and/or Chats and Notes if you install the Substack app)
Paid subscription
Everything in the free subscription
Access to ad-free vlogs & podcast episodes (whenever they’re ready)
Author BTS (whenever they’re ready)
Author Perks (book sales, discounts, free ARCs)
Possibly live Q & A (in the future)
Slow but well-thought vs rushed publication
Why am I slow?
I learned this the hard way, all the way back to my early, humble Wattpad days when I impulsively published my raw draft the day after it was written. Then, I ended up regretting and hating the book entirely because in the middle of Chapter 15, I didn’t know what to do with it, and the readers demanded an ending.
So, I had no choice but to force myself to write the ending, though it wasn’t the ending I liked to write. Essentially, I destroyed my precious story because of impulsivity and ignorance. In my early 20s, I continuously ignored and disrespected the nature of my Mars in Cancer to such an extent that I berated myself for being unable to accomplish things when possible.
Looking back, I could have done things differently. But all is gone. My Wattpad days are gone.
That said, I don’t want to take this second chance for granted. That means this time, I want to do things the right way, in my way, not other people’s way. As a people-pleaser, it’s a difficult lesson because it means letting people and things that don’t serve me well anymore go.
That also means respecting my ‘Self’ to welcome ‘Others’ without compromising both ends.
If that still doesn’t make sense to you, I need to “look around, look within” in a way I haven’t done before.
I’ve said this many times in my videos. You can watch my earlier TikTok and YouTube videos and tell me how many times I mentioned it. Hahaha! It’s my writing philosophy. 😂
When I look around, I can’t let ‘Others’ dictate my ‘Self.’ I set clear boundaries between myself and them. That means when ‘Self’ demands self-care and slowing down, I submit to it even if it means disappointing my egoistic ‘Self’ and demanding ‘Others.’ This concerns my nature, how my Mars (my tangible action directly seen by others) moves by default.
Because it’s in Cancer, it requires me to take things slow, step back and evaluate. Be strategic, and not give in to the impulse to publish things in a rush simply because the audience demands it.
For example, I have to learn how to sit down with my urges and wait until they simmer down before I make my next move, even if it means sleeping with them. Instead of jumping to conclusions, I write down my honest thoughts and feelings first, carefully evaluating both sides in all directions before making decisions, especially the ones that could change my life.
That means I have to respect my need to review, take a slow approach to decision-making, talk to you, and do anything and everything.
Because I did it once, I tried to be this mighty superhero, and it didn’t work. I was constantly burning out. I barely had time for myself because all day and night, my focus was on ‘Others’ instead of ‘Self.’
My professional life went to the skies, but my mental health went south instead. Despite being smart, I failed to anticipate the coming “Dark Knight of the Soul” coming straight at me in my 20s.
I told myself, “Never again,” after waking up after a half-hour syncope in the middle of my classroom, in front of my students and the school administration. Little did I know that the next ten years of my life would turn ice, losing my fire.
I don’t want to be a starving artist.
After surviving suicide, becoming an Essentialist becomes a way of life, which propels me to choose my steps with intent. No BS. It compels me to strategically plan, the same thing I did to prepare the Cult of Eros Universe in the last 2 years.
Without this writing philosophy, I mean, had I not taken this radical step, I wouldn’t be talking to you right now. “Strokes of Desire” wouldn’t have been written ever. It would have been one of my untold stories brought to the grave, lost forever.
Honestly, to do that, I needed the space to write the story and the ability to afford to sit down for hours instead of spending the same number of hours selling antiques and half of our apartment to pay rent.
For example, this article you’re reading now. It took me a week to complete the draft, including days of thinking and overthinking how I could welcome you as properly as I could. Because on the side, I had to pack orders and run errands in between.
And because of spending hours and hours on the real world, I fear that I might lose track and give in to my perfectionism, leading to procrastinating and rushing things again. All for the sake of a deadline. An unattainable goal most perfectionists love to achieve for the sake of achieving. To feel better, to feel great.
To write better and become a more efficient writer, I need the mental and physical space to make that possible. To find the ether, I need the routines—those sacred morning hours I spare to think, listen to a single song replayed for hours, walk around the neighborhood, and write one paragraph to the next.
Right now, there’s no way for me to afford the time to write the whole day (as much as I want to) because (laughs) I simply couldn’t. Can you?
To deal with the hustle and bustle of life, I have to play along and understand life’s intense riddle game. I want my real life to go like it should, such as heading straight on with our online shops to earn our weekday groceries, run household errands, and keep our home steady and afloat. I want to be emotionally stable and financially secure.
With publishing life in the background, finding a balance between my fiction and the real world has been a struggle. Being a passionate storyteller propels me to protect my stories, which is why I became a self-published author in the first place.
On using AI
Because I do this solo, so do the responsibilities and expenses. From crafting stories to marketing, everything is done alone. Such a heavy weight on my shoulders. And I am only five feet tall. 😂
It’s a lot, I know. That is why I must keep my focus, especially when making important decisions. I cannot afford to hire professionals right now. Thankfully, the current AI accessibility helped me a lot in producing marketing materials for me, like a virtual assistant. Through AI, I am able to slow down and take the time to finish what I started.
This slow but well-thought-out approach to life eventually healed Mars in Cancer, leading to figuring out how to navigate Mars’s impulsive nature with Cancer’s maternal approach and to function better in life.
Including my fiction. My art. 🥰
Using this approach, I’m more forgiving towards myself when I cannot write, allowing myself to spare more time to produce something that speaks ‘Me’ and my soul.
Above all, I am able to focus on crafting better stories, publishing great books than the non-writing stuff, such as the responsibilities only a team can achieve: producing marketing materials, designing book cover designs, PRs, email replies, scheduling social media posts every single day across platforms. That’s why it has been very helpful for a solo publishing company like mine.
Instead of spending hours crafting emails and forcing myself to be enthusiastic on social media, AI is doing those for me. It has helped me craft posts and generate images necessary for these jobs. The same is true with the images you see, which are prompts taken from the manuscript. That means I create the description and only use segments from the excerpts as prompts. The same manuscript you’re about to read soon. 💪
Although I use AI for much of my publishing work, I always keep my writing space sacred. I only allow Grammarly to proofread the pages and replace basic grammatical typographical errors, but I’m not relying on it all the time. I want to keep the human touch in my chapters and articles.
Lastly, through AI, I can finally focus on harnessing my unique talents and skills instead of juggling a bunch of tasks, only to end up finishing nothing. Over the years, I had planned a lot. Overplanned it to such an extent you heard nothing from me. I don’t want to do that again.
This time, I want to be able to speak my Truth despite being an introvert, to continually invite more readers and writers like you who are also passionate about authentic, expressive writing to fuel our projects, fiction or not, and produce the best stories we could ever tell—without ourselves burning out in the end. Period. 😡
So I hope you’re okay with that. Let me know your honest thoughts and feelings about it. 💭
Love, peace, & harmony
I value love, peace, and harmony with ‘Self’ and ‘Others’ so much that I’ve unknowingly become radical with my actions. To keep things in order, to set things straight when in chaos. That includes both my personal and professional lives. Both worlds follow the same rules to simplify my already complicated inner life.
That said, I want to say that, as the creator of the Writer Warriors community and on behalf of the 400+ people who have been reading my works for the longest time over the years, disrespect and ill thoughts about somebody and anybody are NOT welcome here.
Different opinions are welcome because having diverse voices is healthy, but NOT bullying! 😠
Just so you know, I have readers as young as 18 to 60+ years old, from different parts of the globe. Despite the obvious differences, it’s quite amazing that I can keep things calm and respectful. That means that both ends of the population worldwide value my thoughts and understand my woes, regardless of whether I publish fiction or not.
Your turn.
As a new community member, you must also respect the set house rules and maintain love, peace, and harmony within our sacred space.
Readers and writers alike. No exemption. 💪
Book details
Now that we’re set, please see the book and series details below as a review:
Book description:
In a world where passion meets danger, five lives are entangled in a web of passion, art, and lies.
While celebrating his twelfth anniversary and engagement, Clay, a brilliant surgeon, meets Valon, an enigmatic artist. On one Christmas break, everything takes a wild turn as they fall into love as irresistible as it is perilous. Their shared dark secrets are bonds they cannot ever shrug off.
As the fire between them blazes hotter with every stolen moment, their affair pulls more hearts into the storm. Valon’s younger sister, Agatha De Lara, a bold social media star with charm to burn, meets Clay’s fiancée, Liz, a dedicated social worker who’s as strong as she is compassionate. What begins as a chance meeting soon spirals into something far more dangerous. Caught between secrets and strokes of desire, they must decide how far they’re willing to go.
Then, here comes Alain. Clay’s sharp, dependable brother. The kind of man Liz can always count on at work. Smart, reliable, and endlessly supportive. Always the professional, always the friend. But never more. That is, until one fateful night. His control slipped. He crossed a line he could never take back.
In a story where love is a double-edged sword, love is both a blessing and a curse. The collision of hearts is inevitable—and no one walks away unscathed. Their journey unveils secrets that could either bind or tear them apart forever.
Copyright
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, scanning, or otherwise, without written permission from the publisher. It is illegal to copy this book, post it to a website, or distribute it by any other means without permission.
This novel is entirely a work of fiction. The names, characters, and incidents portrayed in it are the work of the author's imagination. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events or localities is entirely coincidental.
M. Gaspary asserts the moral right to be identified as the author of this work.
Designations used by companies to distinguish their products are often claimed as trademarks. All brand names and product names used in this book and on its cover are trade names, service marks, trademarks, and registered trademarks of their respective owners. The publishers and the book are not associated with any product or vendor mentioned in this book. None of the companies referenced within the book have endorsed the book.
The author asserts the use of AI in developing the book, combining creativity with technology.
This book contains adult themes that may not be suitable for young audiences. Parental guidance is advised.
The author
M. Gaspary is a talented and imaginative author originally from Mindanao, Philippines, whose rich cultural heritage deeply influences her storytelling. Drawing from the vibrant tapestry of Filipino traditions, beliefs, and landscapes combined with German otherworldly brilliance, she weaves intricate narratives filled with emotional depth and captivating characters, unifying both cultures in her art. Her unique voice blends poetic prose with vivid imagery, creating worlds where love, desire, and conflict intertwine seamlessly.
She often explores complex relationships and the intricacies of human emotions, inviting readers to journey through her characters’ struggles and triumphs. Her writing resonates with authenticity and vulnerability, making it relatable and compelling. Growing up in Mindanao and living in Germany have instilled a profound appreciation for the diverse cultures and stories she incorporates into her work.
From the lush islands, mountains, and sunlit shores, where ancient traditions and soulful art lie, to the land where timeless fairy-tale landscapes blend with vibrant, modern art scenes, offering inspiration at every turn—from storybook castles and misty forests to bustling cities alive with history, literature, and avant-garde creativity, these elements add depth and authenticity to her narratives.
As a writer, she is dedicated to pushing the boundaries of storytelling, often drawing inspiration from personal experiences and observations of the world around her. She engages with her audience through social media, fostering a community of readers and writers passionate about authentic, expressive storytelling. Whether crafting romance, drama, or suspense, she leaves a lasting impact on her readers. She encourages them to reflect on their lives and relationships while celebrating the beauty of her Filipino origins and embracing her husband’s German culture.
Questions? Concerns?
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See you in the first chapter! ❣️